So my husband and I have been pretty rocky this whole year and it has impacted our sex life immensely (I am 23 and he’s 25). I’ve already explained to him over the years the things I like and need to orgasm (mainly need clitoral stimulation amd some foreplay to warm up).
Anyways, he just tried to have sex with me and was rubbing my clit, which isn’t bad but he thinks that’s all he has to do before he can stick it. There was no kissing, no rubbing on my body… nothing. Then I ask him if he can go down on me… he immediately stops rubbing my clit and says “don’t you owe me?”. By that he means owe him a blow job bc the last bj i gave him was not “good”. I wasn’t into the last blow job he asked me late, I was tired, had work in the morning, and I wasn’t really in the mood. So he complained about it a few days later and today I told him that I would make it up to him. So when he said that owed HIM I said “sorry for asking” he continued rubbing my clit and I was getting bored and wasn’t really getting anything from it, so I mentioned it again bc he never said yes or no and he stopped and told me that I’m ruining the mood bc I keep talking and asking questions
Sex is never about me and I never ask for things I want during sex, so I wanted to ask this time bc I really wanted oral. I give him oral pretty much every time he asks for it and doesn’t give me oral unless I’m also giving him oral, think 69. I hardly ever orgasm during sex and when I tell him this he gets upset at ME and expects me to be in the mood all the time. We argue all the time bc sex is important to him and he says we don’t have it enough, but I am NEVER in the mood yall bc I don’t enjoy it and this is why. He feels selfish to me and only wants to do sex his way. I’m not overexagerting when I say that I probably cum from sex about 5 times a year and that’s if I work really hard on myself to get there. I would much rather masturbate.
17 comments
I think y’all need couple’s counseling/therapy.
This relationship sounds deeply dysfunctional.
You didn’t ruin anything. Seeing sexual acts on a couple as favors eventually leads to this, one should do stuff because they either enjoy it or because they enjoy the pleasure they give to their partner, never as a favor that you owe to the other, that only builds resentment and eventually you have a situation where one thinks they are owed something.
Has your relationship always been like this?
Girl I’m sorry to hear this as a 27F myself. My tip: CLAIM YOUR ORGASM! I’ve had similar issue but it’s my fucking right to orgasm.
Back in the day I would dress up after sex and rush home. Dude asked “where you goin so fast?” Uhh home to finish myself lol bye🙋🏻♀️.
My tip if he doesn’t listen. Buy yourself a nice little Satisfyer. Use it after sex and he’ll feel useless as he can’t compete the Satisfyer.
There is loads of problems here that will take weeks of talking to someone to unwind. Sorry we couldn’t be of more help.
You’re having a breakdown in your sexual communication.
I would highly recommend finding a sex/relationship-focused counselor to help you two navigate these waters.
The more time that goes by the worse things will get. You’ll build resentment and those feelings will eventually spill out of the bedroom and into other areas of your relationship.
Good luck
I genuinely would like to know why people this young marry each other before fundamental relationship basics like sexual connection and especially communication (doesn’t have to be sex related) are established. How did that happen in your case if you don’t mind me asking? I wish you all the best for finding a more balanced sex life!
I mean I’m all reality shouldn’t have to ask
Damn dude, he’s selfish. I’d dip and find someone who’s more mature.
The sex problems seem more like symptoms of a bigger problem which is your relationship itself.
This passive aggressive transactional approach to sex is not healthy. “You owe me” would be an instant turn off unless it was done in the right context (like Dom/sub where the sub “pays” for whatever the Dom does for them with pleasure). I don’t think you guys are in this kind of relationship, so it sounds very toxic.
Unfortunately, you’re going to need to talk to a therapist to fix this before it ruins your marriage, unless you think he’s ever going to be able to discuss your needs and why you feel like having sex is a chore due to selfishness.
I am not sure how someone says “Don’t you owe me” in a sexual context without it being a very obvious joke. What in the world?! How did you not laugh in his face? How do men like this get married?
Does he know how deeply unsatisfying sex with him is for you? If not, maybe it’s time for him to find out.
34m here. He’s definitely being selfish. He’s pretty much worrying about himself.
Where do you find guys like that? What the fuck
He seems very immature and not very empathetic, and I am not surprised you’re never in the mood, and don’t enjoy sex. You don’t sound very good at communicating anything to him directly, which is probably what needs to happen to resolve anything here, because he’s just not capable of figuring it out on his own, at his level of emotional maturity.
I would highly recommend involving a neutral third-party, like a counselor or sex therapist, if you ever want to improve your situation, because “the solution” here is:
– you need to communicate very directly about what you need to be satisfied, and be clear that, at present, you’re more satisfied with masturbation than with sex
– he needs to understand that sex requires him to solve a very basic social problem, and all he needs to do to solve this problem is have the faintest clue what the woman he married might think or feel during sex, and if he can figure that out, he’s going to have more and better sex
Since you’re probably not going to spontaneously develop amazing communication skills, you should hire someone who already has them to train you and mediate it.
He sounds pretty selfish tbh. I’m what’s called more “reactive” than “proactive” with my sexual habits so it’s hard for me to even feel interested unless there’s some kind of warmup or foreplay. I’ve been lucky that most of my partners are also into those so it’s not been too much of an issue except i’m rarely the one to initiate cause it’s just not on my mind XD
You guys are young. Let you marriage blossom more. Buy a sex book or game. Watch porn. Fuck Jim harder then you ever have and then demand he puts his face on your clit. Take control. My wife and I are always mixing it up
You are with an AH. He doesn’t care about your pleasure. Find a new sex partner.