Hello reddit,
I (20F) have been curious about casual sex for a while now. I’ve only slept with people I dated before but want to try something new. I don’t want to date anybody right now but I still want to have and enjoy my sex life.
What are the pros and cons of casual sex in your experience? Any advice?
26 comments
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Pro: lots of men are willing to be casual partners
Con: most men suck at being casual partners
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Be in a good emotional state to have casual sex. If not you will feel like trash and used the next day, even if that wasn’t the case.
You have to be in the absolute right mindset. Unfortunately these days men seem to think they are the only ones that can have casual sex and still retain value so you just have to weed out those immature assholes and take what they may say about you with a grain of salt and throw it out with the trash they belong in. Even if you can keep your emotions out of it, just know your partner might not, so choose carefully. Most importantly REMEMBER condoms DO NOT protect against all stds. Anything that you can get from skin to skin contact, like herpes, can still happen with condoms so ask for screenings from your partner. Sex is a normal thing and it can be fun to figure out your body and what you like!
There aren’t many pros.
It’s just instant gratification. The risk for STIs is higher, there’s usually drama or feelings involved.
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
You need to be careful, its very easy to catch emotions and most people who are looking for casual partners may act like they love you but do not want anything serious.
Plenty of woman have casual sex every week. It is very common even though it is not talked about as much. I wouldn’t worry about it at all. You can always decide to boundaries and be as safe or as risky as you want.
I’m in a relationship now but I went through a “phase”
Pros-:
-Enjoying interesting and new company
-Feeling sexually empowered
-Sexual fulfillment without emotional turmoil (IF you can keep emotions in check, not everyone can)
-Potential to try adventurous sexual curiosities that otherwise might not be a possibility in a relationship (threesomes, etc)
-Learn about yourself sexually and what you really like and don’t like
Cons:
-Cannot continue these ‘friendships’ once you get into relationships
-You may catch feelings or the other person might
-Risk of STDs or pregnancy
-Feeling ‘oversexualized’ – this is what happened to me and why I eventually found out that I am demisexual. Being over sexualized was fun for awhile and then it just got annoying and downright creepy.
-Lonely – also experienced this. At the end of the day I was sleeping alone and was truly just alone in my life.
I think it was a good experience for me overall because I always had an urge to experience some things, or feel desired and that leaves some people in relationships wondering. After my 7 year relationship ended, I was left wondering and I did my thing after attempting 2 short ‘relationshits’ from Tinder. Seemed like everyone was just trying to fuck everyone. So I joined in on it. It was fun for a bit but got old super fast. You have to be very vigilant about keeping feelings separate from just sex buddies because it can give you (or them) the ick pretty quick.
It’s not completely good or completely bad, depends a lot. The thing is that you end up having sex with somebody you have no experience with, and there’s no time for trial and error. If it works, that really great; if it doesn’t really work out, there’s not really that much room for improvement.
The kind of approach I like on it is when it’s there to top of a day that’s already good. Enjoy a party or a night out, enjoy some drinks and the sex-part is actually that after all of that it’s not immediately over. There’s still some time left to let the beast out before the day/night is over. Also there’s no more protocol. You do what you feel like and in the end it’s time to be satisfied and sleep. Or be satified, shower, chill out and sleep. For me I don’t orgasm easily with somebody else, so I don’t really care about that part.
I had casual sex pretty regularly for a while. Here’s my experience:
Pros:
* It’s fun getting to know different people from different walks of life
* It’s fun having a reason to dress up, and getting to flirt with people and go out, etc.
* Once in a while, you luck out and the sex is decent-to-good
* You learn more about what you do and don’t like sexually
* Can be a good self-esteem booster or mood booster
Cons:
* It can be difficult and time-consuming to find people who meet your standards, even if your standards are completely reasonable
* The sex often just isn’t that good, because most people don’t care as much about pleasing casual partners as they would with a romantic partner
* Increased risk of violence (because you just never know what somebody is gonna be like; there are measures you can take but you still can’t really know for sure)
* Increased risk of STIs
* Societal judgment/stigma (not that you necessarily need to care about that)
* Can feel emotionally empty at times, depending on your temperament and desires
Finding a good fuck buddy (or a couple of them) is definitely the best of both worlds. I was super lucky in that I found a good fuck buddy when I was very young (late teens and added another in my early 20s) and they lasted as my go to between relationships until I met my husband. Not that I didn’t otherwise have casual sex occasionally with randoms, was just easier with someone you know relatively well.
You do need to be able to divorce emotions from the act, which not all people can do. One of my sisters and I were the same in that we could easily do so, the other one tries to emulate us but always gets attached and it ends in drama.
Make sure you’re safe (location, circumstance, birth control, std protection) and if it’s more than a one time thing, ask for regularly std tests.
Otherwise, just have fun. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Try out all the shit you’re “too embarrassed” to try.
Totally not worth it considering the VERY small amount of men here to please the girl too. Most will just want sex and once it’s done it’s done. Like there’s no guarantee you’ll have any pleasure and you’re most likely gonna feel used but not the nice feeling, as many posted on this sub after hookups
You’re either going to have great sex with someone and wind up catching feelings
or bad sex with someone
Women catch feelings from good sex and honestly everyone will lie to you about this cause people don’t want to admit it.
Casual sex is normally bad for women, and most women don’t cum from it. Most guys don’t care about pleasing a one night stand, because why bother pleasing someone you’re never going to see again?
My advice if you’re looking for sex without dating is to look for a friend with benefits. The sex is a lot more likely to be better that way. Your best bet with casual sex is to find a friend you can trust, who also wants to sleep with you. That way you have someone hopefully more trustworthy who hopefully also cares about you as a human being. And being a more regular thing, you’ll get to learn each other’s likes and dislikes in bed, and he’ll care more about pleasing you so you’ll keep coming back.
I’d say in having causal sex is the most fulfilling in a for purpose friends with benefits understanding. It can be difficult getting fulfilling sex from one night stands but if you manage to crack FWB – I was getting fun sex once a week and then also having time to go out and meet new people etc.
Most people have stated already but my pros and cons are:
Pros – Fun, great way to get to know yourself better, stress release without much obligation
Cons – Increased risk of sexual violence (the amount of people I’ve met casually who have watched too much porn and don’t know consent is baffling), STI’s etc.
Do not expect it to be long term if you are doing it one guy at a time( I think 3 months with one person is good enough). Have it with someone you can talk about sex with. Some women have built a roaster, so if you can you do that, where you have a number of guys you usually talk to/ have a cordial relationship with
Don’t catch feelings. And be clear if u hook up with a guy if he wants to start hanging out after that ur not oooking for a relationship. Otherwise, make sure he’s clean and have fun
I have had casual sex with a guy for about a year (Fwb) .. pros.. he’s a fun guy to hangout with, good in bed, I don’t have to spend time being someone’s “girlfriend”, I don’t have to make sure that we bond 100% romantically .. cons, feelings, jealousy
Look for men who are into house plants. They make better lovers. Don’t go for gym rats. Working out is cool, but if he references the gym 3 times in his profile, you’re dealing with a pretty one dimensional person. Every awesome FWB I’ve had goes to the gym a lot, the difference is they really don’t talk about it other than when making plans, or scheduling something.
I’ve been having casual sex….really since I started having sex. At this point I’ve had about 100 partners in 17 years, mostly men but maybe 15% women and a genderqueer person or three. I had a minor porn career + some sex work for 10 of those years so that added a few people.
Sex is like food. There are many kinds to fit different moods, energy levels, occasions. Casual sex is definitely fun when it’s dialed in.
Here are my best tips as a ladyish XX person:
-know what you want to get out of it and be very up front about that.
-Get really comfortable talking about STI testing: when your last test was, and asking about theirs. If some dude says he never gets them or hasn’t ever gotten one that’s a huge red flag unless he’s only had a couple of partners or LTR.
-Speaking of which, guys who are just getting out of LTRs but don’t want another one are often golden—they’ll often treat you well because they’re used to having a partner.
-Bring up the term sex-positive and see how your potential partner reacts. Does he think women who like casual sex are sluts? Does he respect women? Can he have a casual FWB thing without getting too attached, or, conversely, treating you like garbage?
-If you’re nervous you can tell a friend you’re going home with someone and give them his/her/their address. If you don’t ping in a few hrs or by an agreed-upon time your friend can check in or call you.
-Wear an emotional condom if you don’t intend to get attached. For me this meant no eye contact or kissing on the mouth during sex.
-Echoing what everyone else said, have a well of emotional health to draw upon—don’t have an anonymous one night stand when you’re angry or upset and trying to avoid processing emotions. I learned the hard way that I had a sexual compulsion problem and it SUCKED that it took so long to realize.
-Carry good condoms. Unique makes some amazing ones that you can barely feel and they’re super strong, latex-free and can be used with any kind of lube. They’re expensive but worth it. Consider ordering some small lube packets too in case you need it.
-Personally, I like FWB/lovers situations (casual one-nighters when traveling sometimes and the vibes are right). A solid, aligned FWB/lover is worth their weight in gold. Great sex, kindness, enjoyable company, affection, and no commitment or obligation.
-Casual sex can be very meaningful if it’s what you want. Enjoy the opportunity to explore and talk about what you both like.
Have fun and be safe!
I was very anti casual sex. But after healing from my last relationship I really wanted pleasure with someone and decided to get back into it. Back in the day I got to emotionally attached to casual sex but if you can handle knowing it is mostly all casual then I would suggest trying it. Find men who will respect you and will treat you well. Some guys want casual sex but will treat you like garbage. There are some really good guys out there for casual and it can be a lot of fun for the time when you don’t want a relationship. We all have our needs so I’d say give it a try. Pros i have guys that I genuinely like spending time with but we are still strictly only having sex. One of guys goes radio silent after until we make plans again that can hurt a little but is honestly good to not get attached. This other guy we text every other day and then plan when we are going to see each other. Overall I recommend if you know you aren’t going to get too attached cause for us girls it can get hard when we have sex with someone
Cons: You don’t get the connection of a romantic relationship and someone to share life experiences with. You have to keep looking for new partners because it’s short term. My longest fwb was January to August this year. Otherwise normally it’s only a month or so.
Pro: You get to have most of the fun with none of the stress
It’s a pretty big pro all by itself. I’m still young enough that I don’t care about time wasted so I’m sticking to casual arrangements for now. Another one is since I’ve been having casual sex I’ve been able to experience a greater variety of partners from different ages and backgrounds so that’s cool.
Men aren’t worth sleeping with casually. It’s too dangerous.
If you don’t know the person prior they probably won’t contact you again so be fine with that. Have a separation for yourself n only expecting one experience
Just wear protection…or have the other person do so