Well, I (27f) have been in a relationship (32m) for more or less 7 years, everything was great, we had a daughter, but we lived separately until the pandemic. From this we decided to live together and that’s when problems began. My boyfriend began to complain to me for every slightest mistake I would make, truth is that he is a fairly organized person and I am not. I was trying to learn because I didn’t have that kind of example in my childhood and I know that living in an organized environment is going to be the best for my daughter. However, every time I was wrong about anything in the house, his responses, his anger, began to become more and more violent to the point of exerting physical violence on me. Two weeks ago, in an argument we had over a DIRTY DISH that I had left in our room, he pushed me and when I hit the wall, I broke my head. He started crying, he drove me to the clinic and said to doctors that I “fell” and I agreed because I don’t want to hurt my daughter with the truth, until now he cries every time we see each other because he says he loves me and all that, but for me it is impossible to forgive not only the last thing but all the months of verbal and physical abuse I received. I don’t know if it’s best to report him or try to reach an agreement between the two because my daughter loves him very much, she doesn’t know about the abuse and also every time I see him she doesn’t accept that I no longer want to be with him. I love him but he is a monster and after this I feel like he could even kill me. I am not from the us so I feel really lonely and havn’t told anyone about this his family thinks I fell and think i am sort of a villian for leaving him.
29 comments
I go one year no history on this one…
let me ask you a different question…what do you do when someone you dont know gets violent with you? say someone slaps you on the street?
here you go though, [a resource for you to call to get some perspective](https://www.thehotline.org)
Leave before he kills you. Don’t give him a chance.
…
Run away and take your daughter
or kick him out depending who own the house or apartment.
Abuser never stop and with time only worsen.
Do you want to rise your daughter in this environment?
Will you be able to forgive yourself if a day he abuses your daughter?
You must tell everyone after your exit is ready.
Go OP go.
Good luck
>I don’t know if it’s best to report him or try to reach an agreement between the two because my daughter loves him very much, she doesn’t know about the abuse and also every time I see him she doesn’t accept that I no longer want to be with him.
See a lawyer and consider pressing charges. You need to stay safe in order to protect your daughter.
Abusers escalate. Don’t keep your child in this situation.
Check out the information at [thehotline.org](https://thehotline.org) – it’s the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They can help you make a plan to leave and find a place to go.
Good luck, OP. It sounds like this took you by surprise.
Who cares how much your daughter loves him. “Oh this person is so abusive and might kill me one day but we love him so much and he’s really a great man other than this one thing.” Nahhhh…. Ask yourself why you don’t want better for yourself and your child. Of course she’s going to cry and be upset that’s what children do but as a parent you have to put that aside and still continue to do the right thing even when they cry.
You know what you should do. You should protect your daughter and go. Before she’s his next target.
Story time: I moved in with a boyfriend once with my young baby and within 1 week he was acting aggressive and got mad when the baby was standing up and touched his stereo. He reached over and flicked my kid’s ear with his finger. That night he went to work I packed my s*** and I was gone the next day. I called every friend I had with a car or a truck and they came and packed my stuff and when he showed up I had too many friends for him to do anything to me. It’s liberating.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your daughter. The first time they put hands on you is so insane because it’s like it’s not even them. But you have to know this is a part of them and it will happen again, and it could happen to your daughter too. Do you currently live together? If you are not ready to leave, I would at least start thinking about an exit strategy for a time you feel more ready. Consider bringing in family and a trusted friends in on the plan. Any person you talk to about leaving should not be close with your bf. Also change your passwords to everything if it is safe to do so. Reporting if you want is fine, but my experience is that it’s usually not safe to do so until you are out of the house. Yours and your daughter safety is number 1. You cross every other bridge when you get to it.
Yes, he will kill you one day or he will ruin your self esteem. He is a bad person. You need to go to the police and turn him in.
The only way you are going to do something wrong is by staying not leaving. Your child should not be with an abuser.
Kids are perceptive and will notice something is wrong. You are only teaching your daughter that physical abuse is ok because you’re staying with him. Do you want her to stay in abusive relationships when she is older?
go to the police, right now.
I wish you had reported the truth to the doctors, but you need to leave this man as soon as you can. Physical violence is never something you should ignore or put up with, and with a daughter it’s even more important for you to get out of that situation. I’m so sorry for you.
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get out before he hits your daughter
google for local organisations that support domestic violence victims
unless you are somewhere like saudi arabia there will be places to help you plan your escape and maybe even help with housing and finances
if you tell people what country you’re in someone might be able to point you towards something specific
Leave
Tell your dad/brother/uncle/cousin/ friend .
Put camares everywhere and hold it as evidence.
Your daughter loves him now. Because she is young and doesnt know ehats going on. But what if one day she sees this? Do you want her to go through the fear of seeing that? Because it leaves a scar.
Not only that but what if he escalates and does it to her one day? Im sure you once thought he couldnt ever possibly hit you – but here we are.
You know you need to leave him. You know that if you stay he will keep doing it no matter how much he cries now.
There is only one answer here. Do you have a family? Will they be ok with you and your daughter going back to theirs? Can they help you eith money to travel?
Make sure whatever you do he doesnt find out what youre planning. Make sure he doesnt know youre leaving until youve already done it.
Also bear in mind if you stay – domestic violent households are a safegusrding risk. If you stay and this behaviour continues, eventually someone is going to notice and if social services get wind that you sre keeping your child in a house with a violent man they wont just remove the child from him but from you too. By staying you are knowingly puttjng your child in danger and that means youre a safeguarding risk. So please. Dont think you are doing this for her. Because you could easily lose her if you continue to stay with a man who is violent.
Reach out to a DV shelter and tell them what happened, and your medical records can be updated to show the abuse.
You and daughter need to get somewhere safe!
How many trips to the hospital will it take for you to decide to leave?
Run now before he does kill you
You should leave and report him. Yes, your daughter will ask where dad is, but in the future you can tell her the truth.
You won’t raise your daughter if you are dead!! Just leave while he is working and report
So what you will be an alive villan, cut all contact with anything to do with him by the way.
OP, it’s not at all unusual for an abuser to wait until you’ve moved in together to start showing their stripes. If you are in the US please contact the domestic violence hotline thehotline.org. they have online chat if you’re afraid you may be overheard.
Whatever you do, do NOT give him any warning that you are considering leaving. Leaving is the MOST dangerous time for you and your daughter. The hotline can help you escape safely. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, it’s not your fault in ANY way.
Leave! I’ve been in this situation before and it only gets worse. It’s hard but trust me, it’s so worth it! You and your daughter’s safety is what’s important right now.
xo
LEAVE.
He hit you today, he may kill you by tomorrow.
He didn’t hit your child today but he might hit her tomorrow.
Violence grows. You must leave. It’s easier to type on reddit than done. But you must. For you and your daughter. If you leave she may resent you, she may not understand. But if you don’t she WILL BE HURT.
Please get help.
Get RUN, the first time is never the last time. Think about if you want you’re daughters in a relationship like that. If they see that the cycle will never stop.
Your post history makes no sense, you mentioned you broke up with him a while ago in a previous post and began dating a new guy… I feel like we’re missing some details here
Tell your family the truth after you leave him.
Report AND LEAVE. Now. Get your kid, get out, and run as fast as you can.
Even if you feel bad, OP, it’s the only right thing to do.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this.