What if the person you were dating didn’t believe in marriage? You guys are both in love, in it for the long run. But they just didn’t believe in the institution of marriage. Would that change anything for you and if so why?

32 comments

  2. I think this question honestly can only be answered by you. Ask yourself what you’re looking for out of a relationship, and from there ask yourself why.

    It doesn’t matter how others feel about this, it’s truly only you that matters in this. If this bothers you, you need to talk to your partner about it (it’s going to be tough, but if the love is real they will at least listen and discuss it with you.) If it’s important to you, is it something you can let go of long term? Is this going to be a point of resentment down the line? Basically, is this a red flag/deal breaker for you where it will put strain on the relationship?

    Remember, just because you love someone and they love you doesn’t mean you’re compatible. Chemistry, communication, and respect are all part of a relationship besides love. Make sure those other values are there for you.

  3. I would unfortunately have to end things. Chalk it up to incompatibility. I want kids and a family (not that you need to be married for that). But just my observation. 28M

  5. To me, the only benefit of marriage is to ease the process of succession in case of death. Outside of that, I don’t see the point of spending thousands of dollars for it.

  6. Neither of us want a wedding. My partner is more against marriage than I am. But he says in the end, we are in for the long haul and if I need something specific in the future to emulate a marriage, he’ll do it because it’s important to me. Common-law should give us a lot of the marriage-related benefits though (tax, insurance, etc)

  7. I would leave, this probably wouldn’t happen to me though as I would make it very clear what my expectations are from the jump

  8. People need to start thinking about the bigger picture as in “rights,” that are granted w marriage. If you aren’t married and your SO is hospitalized there are chances will not be able to make any important decisions for them bc of legality. Also if something happens and someone dies they may not get benefits to help pay for the service and y’all funerals are over 10K something most of us don’t have just laying around.

    I understand not believing in the institution but think of your loved one in situations where if God forbid this happens will you be taken care of.

    I am not good at explaining this, maybe someone w can explain this better.

  9. Marriage is a non-negotiable for me in a longterm relationship. I’d like to have children and really intend to be married when I have them so I would need to split up with someone if they didn’t want to get married

  11. Nope. I’d leave. Unlike what many people believe marriage is not just a piece of paper. Hell, I was with my fiancé for 10 years and no institution gave a shit when it came it stuff like insurance, hospitalizations, accessing records, etc until we were married.

    The sad fact is strangers who meet and get married after a day have more legal protections than unmarried partners of decades (no common law marriage in my state)

  12. My husband and I agreed that neither of us wanted to get married and we were happy with the way things were in the beginning. Eventually we were both like “what’s the real reason we don’t want to get married?” Which was in case anything were to go south we would have a clean break. Then 10 years in he proposed to me and I said yes. We figured if we’ve been together this long why AREN’T we married? Literally nothing has changed in our lives since getting married except my last name.

  13. Deal breaker for me unless they agreed to commit to me without sex. Lol, that wouldn’t work for long for most people.

  15. If marriage means nothing to them, then that’s great because your preference would be the deciding factor, since they don’t care.

    If they are anti-marriage and wear it like a political statement, then I guess it’ll come down to how much they love you.

  16. That’s something you ask in the early stage of dating someone when/if it’s important to you.
    If they changed their mind though then I’m honestly not sure.

  17. The marriage part would be a dealbreaker, the wedding part I could care less about. Legal rights and commitments and prenups are important to me, and I appreciate the gravity of it being incredibly meaningful.

  18. I would never get to the point of falling in love with someone without knowing if they want to get married, as well as all of the other important life goal questions like kids and where to live. Those are first date questions, or at least the first few dates.

  19. I’d respect it, and then seek compromise.

    A standard marriage contract has a whole bunch of things in it that couples should discuss. Just because the government created a template doesn’t mean it’s right for you and your spouse, and that you’ll agree to everything on it.

    What are the parts of a marriage that are important to you? What are the parts of a marriage that are important to your spouse?

    Either talk them through, agree emphatically on what is important to you, and what is not. If you disagree, then it was never meant to be. If you agree, then write a new one. You can still be married with a modified marriage agreement.

  20. I mean I personally don’t care for the institution of marriage so I’d be fine with it but if that was a priority to you, then you’d have to discuss it with them.

    The answer also widely varies based on where you’re based, in some places marriage is pretty important from a pragmatic point of view regarding laws/rights and in other places it matters less.

    There’s also a difference between marriage and having a wedding; some people care more for both or one.

  21. I’ve been married already and wouldn’t care if I get married again, so this wouldn’t be an issue for me.

    If marriage is a big deal to you, that wouldn’t be a compromise I would be willing to make. You need to decide how important it is to you, not what each of us find important.

  23. No one ever mentions social security and survivors benefits. Even if you divorce you still get more social security money having been married.

  24. Have you asked him what his reservations are about marriage? Is it the social idea of it or the legal and financial implications? Because if it’s about protecting himself legally and financially in case things go south, then perhaps you can consider a prenup.

  25. I personally don’t want the marriage license I will have a ceremony and all that. I feel it would make me complacent in keeping her happy and if we’re in it for the long haul and not the idea she can leave if I fail and just disappear would help to not fall into routine. I understand being legally married comes with some benefits but I really don’t see the trade off to be worth it in my opinion

  28. Can’t even call it marriage if no one is in it for the union…. marriage is a vow you make not a term to gain entitlements!!!

  29. That’s how I feel. Like why do I need anything more, but my girlfriend did leave. She wanted a big wedding and children and did t want to settle. She deserves the world and was (is) an amazing person.

    My good friend (f42) is with a great guy and would love to get married but he has been through and terible divorce and never wants to get remarried. She is named in his will, pension, house, but he never want to. Everyone sees things differently

  30. Idk I’m indifferent about it. Yes I’d like to be able to give someone my last name and be able to trust and depend on them… but I’ve been down the road of as soon as I tie the knot it all goes to shit.. also it might just tell u a lil bit about that person if they don’t want to that means they ain’t ready to settle or dnt wanna settle for you. also they got commitment issues and have been traumatized from a previous relationship to the point they believe abuse is innevitable in the long run… witch damn sure ain’t true not everybody gets off on abusing the woman they supposedly love 🤷

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