Are doctors a red flag in the dating world?

25 comments

1. I think some people may view dating doctors as a challenge due to their demanding schedules, but everyone has different preferences!

2. People here see absolutely every single flaw or problem in the relationship as a “red flag”, as soon as your relationship is not perfect you have to call your partner toxic and break up.

3. one of my friends is a doctor and he is a fantastic partner to his girlfriend. Empathetic, open minded, great listener, fun dude.

   The three women i dated who were doctors all had some bonkers shit going on. Flat affect and emotionally immature, identity issues, or literally saw me as a piece of meat. I noped out of them fairly instantly.

4. I mean certain occupations make it difficult to date them. Doctors, nurses, lawyers and any night shift workers are jobs where I’ve found it very difficult to see them and I would be hesitant to date them in the future.

5. Everything is a red flag nowadays, you just prioritise from best to worst.

6. Ive dated doctors but things usually fizzled because we could only go out once every couple weeks. Hard to get to know somebody if you can’t spend a lot of time together.

7. Nurse here- doctors generally love to work. And they work a lot. If you want to date someone with a predictable schedule with a lot of availability for dates and activities, they aren’t the right fit for you.

8. I dated doctors in several stages of their career and here are the common issues:

   – Little free time which in order to keep their sanity they must divide between themselves, their friends, and you, which means most of the time better be quality time.

   – They’re always tired, if a doctor took their time to date you, then you better for the love of God appreciate it

9. I was married to one. Dating was a bit rough during his residency. Medical training made him lose his empathy. He ended up being an extremely controlling/arrogant man. I wouldn’t immediately dismiss dating a doctor, but I would have reservations.

10. Everything is a red flag if you date long enough

11. The Internet in general is extremely enthusiastic about telling people to break up and avoid dating. Reddit is worse than average about this, and this sub is perhaps worse still. Always keep in mind when you query one of these forums that you’re probably getting advice from people with little relationship success themselves, and they tend to be on the young and inexperienced side.

    Being a doctor is certainly not a red flag. It, at best, comes with some unique issues.

    * The time demands are extreme

    * A lot of medical schools explicitly instill in doctors a bit of a God complex.

    * There is a stereotype of infidelity in general in the medical profession (though this is more concerning nurses).

    * Since they’ve spent the first 30 years spending an extreme amount of time in school, other skills, including social skills, can be comparatively lacking.

    But like anything else, I would say to get to know the person in front of you and don’t work in generalizations. There are some huge advantages to dating a doctor too, including that they tend to be intelligent, they can help you with your own medical concerns, etc. I’ve dated multiple medical professionals, and while it didn’t work out, those relationships are among the better I’ve had.

12. There are lots of excellent doctors out there, but in general they suffer from brutal work schedules, PTSD, burnout, shared trauma bonding with coworkers which leads to high rates of infidelity within hospitals, and large salaries which often lead to inflated egos and expensive lifestyles. My guess is that what your “lot of people” mean by “red flag”. Even the best examples of doctors will be challenging to date simply because of the stress levels of their lifestyle and the fact that they live in a different financial lane than 99% of us. It’s simply a different dating experience than someone in an average blue collar or white collar career.

13. We have seriously got to get off of this “Is ____ a red flag?” thing. This is contributing heavily to the toxic dating environment people are complaining about.

    “He posted on Reddit that we need to stop calling everything a red flag, Is that a red flag?”

14. there’s a difference between red flag and deal breaker.

    Red flag — every doctor dating someone else is a problem, every time, no matter when or whom you ask and who the other person is that is dating the doctor

    Deal breaker — you might decide you don’t want to date a doctor because of some reason, such as they are too busy for you, they can’t reply to you every few minutes when you text them, maybe their personality of being a doctor doesn’t mesh with yours, they’re too tired to hang out with you and the friend/family group, etc. For someone else, they might be OK with some or all these things and keep dating the doctor person.

15. Funnily enough doctors are one of the most common professions of people who cheat! But I don’t think it’s fair to apply that to all doctors as a red flag. Obviously there will be very many who are faithful partners, but statistically they have that against them.

16. Literally every “doctor” I’ve met online dating has been a scammer. 100%.

    Doctors tend to work long hours and may not really be available for a relationship. Or they’re a higher socioeconomic class than me, and likely want someone who brings a similar background and social status to the table. If a (legit) doctor wanted to date me, I wouldn’t reject them based on their career, but I have a decidedly blue collar background and grew up in a trailer and I probably would wonder why they were interested.

17. Currently dating one in training years, we’ve been going 6 months. Here is my take:

    – Their schedules are crazy, so it works well with someone who is flexible themselves. I work weekends sometimes, late evenings, so it was ok for me.

    – You need to be someone who can entertain themselves easily. Quite often you won’t hear from them at all when they’re at work (very different to dating office workers), and when they’re home they’re always sleeping or with you or friends.

    – Learn how to hide all the unhealthy vices you enjoy 😆

    – Good when you’re sick

18. It is just very situational OP. A doctor just graduated from med school (so in residency, 3-6+ years), will be working harder than a doctor who’s completed residency. Some types of doctors (those who have completed residency) will have very set, normal schedules and some will have extremely hectic hours. If you’re dating someone who went to residency for family medicine then they’re most likely going to work 9-5, have great pay, excellent benefits, and live a very normal life. If you’re dating someone who’s a general surgeon or works in emergency medicine then they’ll probably be working on-call hours, nights, and weekends. Now their pay and benefits will be wonderful. But if you’re a really co-dependent type of person who loves being with your partner all the time, then you might not love dating a surgeon but might love dating a primary care doctor (someone who went to residency in family medicine, internal medicine, pediatrics, that sort of thing).

19. I’m a doctor dating another doctor. Our relationship is amazing but it is because we are independent people who also love our personal time and hobbies, spending time with our friends. We have a calendar on our fridge where we put our schedules so we can plan to not schedule anything on our days off so we can spend it together. If you’re someone who constantly needs your partner’s attention, then sure dating a doctor may be a “red flag” for you. Otherwise, most of us are people just like everyone else who want to have relationships.

20. I’m a doc (34F) and I’ve never nor would I ever date one in a thousand years. Huge ego and vanity, often immature due to lack of social life and things missed out when they were in their 20’s.
    There are always exceptions, and this is only how I see them.

21. Hubby works 2 days a week for $350k a year.

    Not too bad.

    However, during his training, he was working 80+ hours a week.

22. The handful of doctors I know have really poor social skills, and demanding schedules.

23. Dating doctors are challenging. If you’re an avoidant attachment style, perfect person for you.

24. I work with doctors for a living; I would not want to date one. They are super demanding, always super stressed out in which they usually take it out on others, got the ego the size of Texas, and are always super busy at all hours of the day.

25. I work daily with them, old and young. Controlling, god complexes, not loyal, always hearing about affairs. There are exceptions tho