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Dated for 7 weeks, goals aligned (via matchmaker), but he broke it off one week ago saying we were 99% compatible but missing the “spark” after a week where I was traveling for work. I was feeling good chemistry but not an overwhelming spark but willing to go a bit further to see how it should develop. Now he texts me randomly on topics we had previously discussed. How to approach? Is he regretting or keeping me standby?
After learning some disappointing news at work on Friday, my already low self esteem has taken a big hit and it’s filtered through to my feelings about dating. I genuinely want to give up on it but I can’t seem to do so, it’s like even though I’ve accepted a lot of things won’t happen in life the thought of never finding that happiness, having my first kiss, being intimate with someone I love is too much to handle. Over a year in therapy has barely scratched the surface and my existing issues are just more barriers. I don’t know what more I can do at this point
Ok i posted weeks ago about quitting the main dating app, but I genuinely wanted to quit dating because I felt exhausted… burnt out. Still not over my really hot situationship (if I’m being honest lol)
I went on a date with a guy a few days ago and he seemed really nice! 😅 not attractive to me though. Like he’s okay looking but had the best impression on me. He brought me a small gift, picked me up and dropped me off from my compound, paid for dinner, didnt try anything physical (unlike the ones I feel that… “chemistry” with) . I dont feel the chemistry or physical attraction but he sure treated me the best.
Im starting to sadly believe now that the men I’m most physically attracted to, or actually attracted to, wont treat me like a princess now 😂 although one did bend his back to sleep with me, so there’s that 🙃 or that the men I was super attracted to can feel it and sense it so they didnt need to put in the effort? I have been told by multiple men I was attracted to (e.g. exes) that they had no issues believing I loved them/was attracted because they “felt” it, even though I didnt say anything 😂
Then it makes me realize, men do really want drama,and wanna be confused and unsure 😂 at least the ones I picked 🫠 which is weird coz I hate all of that, I only ask for the above + physical attraction. 😅
I went on a first date last night, nice guy, he’s asked me if i want to go out again and I’ve agreed, another guy has also asked me… is it shit if I go on another first date with the second guy after having two dates with the first one? The second guy I’ve been chatting too a while but he’s away this weekend so we can’t meet until next week when ideally I would have met sooner.
I feel like my dating life is a big cliche. I had a lot of fun in my 20’s and was quick to leave a relationship when it got difficult. I raved and raged about my fierce independence and sexual liberation, and now I just want to settle down and find a husband, to whom I can be a decent wife. So stereotypical, but that doesn’t change how I feel.
The problem is, I don’t think I did a lot to prepare myself to be a wife worth having. My stubbornness of my 20’s meant that I refused to grow and mature in some important ways, and now that I want to get married, I have this uphill battle to overcome my baggage so that I can be the person I want to be in a relationship. The type of person that my potential husband would deserve to have.
Maybe my fear that “the clock is ticking” (ugh, another cliche) is preventing me from seeing what value I bring a relationship. Dating me isn’t complete hell, haha. But I’m 34, and I feel like the type of men who want a “good wife,” will happily hold out for a younger woman who is not only offering what I want to offer, but who also doesn’t have my baggage.
Not seeking advice, just lamenting, I guess.
Everything is still going great. My last daily post was expressing a little concern that I haven’t really been able to bond with his daughter. We went out to a bar/game venue and played a few games together and had a beer and things are better. I’ve noticed she’s been a little warmer towards me in our interactions since so I’ll take it as a W.
We have our first weekend getaway on Friday that I’m really excited about. It’ll be nice to have some time away and an extra day off work.
I’m currently beating down some insecurity that’s bubbling up with a proverbial stick. I’m starting to get a very small feeling that this guy is so out of my league. I think this is coming from me being used to doing most or all of the emotional labor in a relationship so when it’s equally and consistently matched I feel a little…lost I guess, like “what do I do with my hands?” and it’s giving my weird brain time to think of the ways I’m coming up short.
I feel incredibly lucky to have met him. Physically, he’s a total babe, 10/10, extremely fit and healthy. Emotionally he is beyond kind and extremely thoughtful of me. He consistently communicates his feelings, he doesn’t let anything simmer, he is very forthcoming and I dig that a lot. He is always doing his best to ensure he is maximizing his emotional effort in our relationship.
I know I’m attractive but I’m about a 6, maybe a 7.5 on days where I decide to crawl out of my sweatpants and gym attire into something presentable. I’m heavy carried by my personality. I work out 5-6 days per week and I’m fit in a “You can definitely tell she lifts weights but also fucks up a plate” kinda way. A little fluffy. Sometimes (very rarely though) I stand next to him and it makes me feel like “well fuck, how did I get so lucky and pull this guy?”
I know all of that is in my head, and it isn’t extremely pervasive right now. It’s just a fleeting thought occasionally that’s usually countered by him voicing a “You’re an amazing person and I’m so lucky to have you.” remark that comes out of nowhere. I know that I’m a great partner and he always makes me feel beautiful, appreciated and like an equal catch but it’s a feeling that I’m feeling and I just need to acknowledge it and deal with it. Stupid brain lol.
I have a date tomorrow! With the guy I’ve previously mentioned, the one I met through a mutual hobby. I’m excited but also nervous, and I also feel my avoidance kicking in (doubts about whether I even like him, doubts that it’ll like, doubts that I could ever find myself in a successful relationship etc.).
I’m back from my brief hiatus of old. I’ve run out of people on hinge. I have a few convos going on in bumble and hopeful about a couple prospects. I really hate when I match with someone in bumble and send a message and they either immediately unmatch or don’t respond. Oh well that is old. Good luck everyone and I highly recommend if you are burned out taking a break until you can gather some perspective!
I fucked up. Matched w/ a guy who seemed really compatible on Hinge maybe 2 weeks ago. He asked me out to dinner this week, but I told him I was going to be out of town visiting friends. Offered to find a time/date for when I got back, but he said it was ok, we would figure things out when I returned. This is where I think I messed up, by not messaging him throughout my trip. I just got home and it seems he unmatched. Now is the part where I need the internet to check myself before I wreck myself: we know a mutual connection. Is it a bad idea for me to ask the mutual connection to pass along the message that my silence was not disinterest, I was just fully engaged with my friends and thought we would connect after I returned?
My little sister told me that she considers me successful. Great job, got my shit together, do things outside of work, great group of friends from all over, etc. It was a nice boost of confidence. And, I know I’m a catch. I’m not even trying to date, and I get so many asking me out even without the help of dating apps. So I don’t think I’ll be alone forever or anything like that. It’s just…
I guess I’m feeling a bit off? I honestly don’t think I’m ready to date anyone seriously still, but my friends tell me to just keep putting myself out there and eventually I’ll run into someone I’ll click with. If I don’t do that, then I’m not being open to whatever opportunities that may present itself to me. I don’t know.
Attorney lady is busy with a ton of stuff. So it’s been just check ins with her here and there and showing her random things that remind me of her. I don’t feel like she’s putting energy into this. I’m honestly used to women who put in much more effort, trying to woo me, texting more, etc, and I’m questioning things. I know I shouldn’t because she is genuinely busy, and we both confirmed we like each other enough to hang out once she returns. It’s just nearly an entire month from now, and it all feels so uncertain. I don’t expect her to be head over heels for me because I’m not like that with her. It’s just different from the ones I do end up in relationships with who do the pursuing. I’m just being insecure. I know the most emotionally responsible thing to do is to simply go on with my life as usual and stay the course I’ve planned for myself and be comfortable/confident in that, but I’m feeling all sorts of uncertainty with what might happen in the future.
It’s terrible but in order to just not feel so insecure, I thought it’d be a bright idea to just date around for the time being and got 3 other numbers. Skater lady. Therapist lady. Aaaand someone that was super hot and attractive but reminds me too much of my ex which I know can be a ton of potential red flags. It’s cringe, I know. It’s very much cringe. Skater lady and therapist lady I can see myself being friends with genuinely and I have told them that I want to take things slow, get to know each other first, build a genuine connection, etc.
Super hot attractive girl is already drumming up excitement for our first date, making lovey dovey comments here and there, and it’s a bit much, but it’s sparky. Ugh. Why Do I Do This To Myself?! I have to tame down the sparky sparks I feel for her and be honest about what I think about her. I need to tell her that she reminds me too much of my ex, and I need to get to know her as a friend first before anything to just temper her expectations and not repeat my past mistakes and that whole stupid it’s not her it’s me spiel. But then, a part of me is like, she’s different. She’s different my ex and it’s unfair for her. Then again, it’s like my ex still. I can’t really imagine a friendship with super hot attractive girl. I can only imagine dating and the other stuff. So there’s not a good foundation whatsoever in this, but I’m still drawn to her, and I know this doesn’t usually end well for me. I’m thinking about cancelling things with her and pivoting to group hangs until I get to know her better.
Dating sucks. The only reason I started dating in the first place is because of attorney lady. Then I started wanting to date around because I felt insecure. I think I need to quit dating after this round of women because I feel like I’m going about it very wrong.
I had a 2nd date last night, and I’m trying to let it all chill for a while, but this is the first person in over a year that just feels good. Like the thought of leaning against him on a sofa watching scary movies is the best fantasy ever. This is cuffing season? Or someone special?
Someone who was very vocal about not dating women with kids (to the extent of being disrespectful) found their way to my DMs. I contemplated telling them off for their LOUD hypocrisy but just decided to block instead.
I had to get a physical yesterday, and I wish you all could have seen the nurse’s face when she said “Looks like you’re about 5’10” and I replied “Can I get that in writing for my online dating profile?” She just stared at me very blankly. But I was very pleased with myself.
Breaking up over text
Hi all, I’ve been seeing a man for about 10 mths. I’d just gotten out of a LTR, we both have kids from previous relationships. Our schedules are not aligned so it’s been inconsistent-sometimes we see each other every 2 weeks for a few hours, sometimes we’ll see each other more. We only ever text and never call, sometimes there are long breaks in communication. We’ve only been on several real dates (outside of the bedroom if you get my drift). I’m giving this background as I want to know if it’d be inappropriate to break things off over text? We’ve never talked abt feelings or where the relationship is headed. I feel in limbo and im finally settled in my life-im tired of waiting on potential so I know the right thing to do is gain clarity.
When you realize that the interest is one-sided and you delete his number so that you don’t text him to try and start a conversation (again!). I’m sorry but no one is this bad at communication if they are interested in someone. He never reaches out. Moving on I guess. Sigh.
I just went to my second AA meeting; today was my first day. I have almost finished the day without drinking.
I am still heart broken, but I am stronger than this. I think he was in my life for a reason (this). I know I overlooked many flaws of his (drug and alcohol addiction, felony background, owned a gun illegally, was extremely paranoid and at times angry, didn’t come over the last 6 of 10 months together, we never took photos together, he told me recently it was getting too serious too soon).
I am going to be sober and stay sober. I will become my most happy, healthy self. When the right guy shows up, he will be dying to spend time with me and to talk to me. He won’t set up a max of one night together per week. It won’t just be about sex. He will love my dogs, and won’t let his sleep in the bed. He will be kind. He will be happy. He will be understanding and will accept me and my flaws, and won’t blame things on me having bipolar disorder.
I CRAVE physical intimacy. In particular, hugging, cuddling and deep kissing. I want to have sex but I don’t mind putting that off as I prefer to have a single partner for that. But for the other stuff, I don’t mind multiple. Before I moved, I essentially had this with a wonderful woman I met through Bumble. We had a baseline connection with enough emotional intimacy to feel comfortable with each other and she was the best kisser I’ve ever had. She understood me as she loved when we engulfed each other. Man I miss her. But now she’s on the other side of the country. I’ll fly her out here soon enough but it won’t be enough for me.
Many women I match with online want a relationship, which I don’t want at this point. However, I also feel kinda weird about an escort service as it sorta feels like prostitution. Making out and cuddling isn’t sexual in nature, though it is weird thinking about paying someone for that service. Sigh
Found out from a mutual friend that the person I like may also like me back? They are very vague apparently, but they want kids from what I know and I don’t so there’s a slim chance in hell it would ever happen, but like, feels good to know that a crush might at least be reciprocated.
I’m thinking of being a ghost for Halloween (to reflect my online dating experience this year 🙃) but want to be a creative ghost not just a blanket over my head kinda ghost 👻🥲
I went through almost 200 likes on my hinge account today. Not a SINGLE man put looking for a “long-term relationship” or “life partner”. Meanwhile my profile is very intentional and clearly has the life partner label. What the hell. Such a waste of time going through tons of profiles for zero matches. Sick of hookup culture.
48 hours post-breakup (breakup sounds too nice, I was coldly dumped). Managed to go for a walk and to listen to some music today and I didn’t just plop down into a puddle in the middle of the street. I consider that a victory.
Did I burst into tears after my coworker asked how my weekend was? Sure. Do I still feel like a wounded, unlovable mess? Yes.
Healing and moving on is not going to be easy, but I will do it.
After taking several years off from dating (I just realized it has been 5 years, like holy shit where has the time gone) I started back up my accounts last week and while I am getting likes and having some conversations nothing is translating into dates. The first person I asked out said let’s exchange numbers so we can coordinate a time only to ghost me. The second is traveling for the next few weeks and a third ghosted when I suggested meeting for a date.
I know it will eventually happen, but it just really sucks to think things are going well only to hit a brick wall.
Decided to take a 6-month break from the apps. Not going to be actively trying to find someone to date. If I meet someone randomly in person, amazing, that’s the dream, but I’m exhausted trying to make something happen with random people on apps. I’m going to focus on self care, travel, petting lots of dogs, climbing (signed up for my gym’s comp!), making art, spending time with friends (and requesting a lot of hugs from said friends).
Had a vacation where I just kinda did nothing. Everything was on island time and I loved it and there was no guilt about not getting enough stuff done.
I’d love to figure out how to translate that into finding a partner. Does anyone else just not want to do much… 😅. I’m never going to be a career chaser, and that severely limits my options, I just don’t know how to navigate the rest.
How do I give lingerie/sexy gifts to my gf?
Like yeah I know I can buy them online, but I feel like she will be weirded out unless I say something. Despite being very pretty she doesn’t have much confidence, every time I even compliment her appearance she gets embarrassed. But damn I’d like to see her in some lingerie…
Vent: i was feeling very anxious today. my great match went quiet last night mid convo and was quiet all day today too. this was a pretty big switch up from the previous hours/days where he was starting & engaging in convo all day long.
I know we’re not supposed to read into texting patterns too much this early on. and it became very apparent later which I will get to. For me, switch ups always fuck with me. It makes me feel anxious that things are ending. I want to be the person that can say “oh well” but I’m not there yet.
Because I didn’t hear from him all day I figured he was fizzling out to eventually ghost & we wouldn’t end up meeting up for our first date. It’s how these talking stages have been going the past few months so it really spiked my anxiety. Then instead of self sabotaging or reacting to lack of attention, I sent a general text and decided if it was a dead end I’d wait until tomorrow to cancel our upcoming date.
But he was his usual self and the reply didn’t feel like he was trying to pull away. Which made me realize I am reading way too much into texting patterns. His replies and the conversation up to me saying goodnight had a vibe that he just didn’t do much today therefore he didn’t have much to talk about. He also was trying to be productive and I will admit seeing my own productivity take a backseat to engage in our non stop convo I can understand that his feelings haven’t changed at all and he’s just living his regular life like he was 5 days prior to us matching.
I really almost ended things prematurely out of my own insecurity and anxieties. And now reading my past journal entries to try and ground myself I am seeing how many times I’ve felt this anxiety and always react to it with removing myself from the situation. Idk that this match will go anywhere. I really enjoy our chemistry and connection so far but I am just now coming back down to earth and realizing I push for something way too serious way too soon because I feel so strongly about good communications that any switchup causes me to lose my shit mentally (internally).
So, Ive been posting on here about the on going situation with my ex for just over a week.
Well on Monday she took over 10 hours to send me a whatsapp…even then she didnt even reply to my messages.
I had a family members funeral yesterday – I had a message off her saying ‘good luck, hope it goes well’ Though it was sent after the actual funeral. She had not asked once when or where it was.
I was quite emotional and low yesterday. Part of me thought she might of reached out in the evening to ask how I was but nothing.
It seems she has literally just ended up ‘ghosting’ me.
I was going to give it until Thursday and send her a goodbye message. Not in the hope of rekindling things – but to express how Im feeling and that her behaviour of being hot/cold the last few weeks is not on. And then thats it. Its back to square one after allowing her back into my life – albeit for a very short week,
Dang…been about a month and a half post break-up. It’s weird I haven’t needed to be on any of the OLD apps in a little over 2-3ish years. Tried it, and maybe it’s because of my most recent break up. I guess I’m not ready for it. Super bummed, as my relationship was very promising ( I was the one who ended it).
Although, I do really well IRL dating (always been usually fortunate). I still feel off, we have no communication and had a mutual agreement.
I don’t know, I guess in due time. Hope y’all stay positive. 🫶🏿
Two more days till I can see my dude 🙂 Have really missed him.
I’m… in such a weird space and I’m so so grateful for my boyfriend, he’s fucking perfect.
We were supposed to go on our first holiday together only he broke his ankle the day before, in my area, wasn’t able to drive home, and I stayed with him and we actually had the best time at home. It was lovely. Truly. Then… Saturday happened. He was supposed to leave but stayed with me until Monday when he absolutely had to go home, which I am so grateful for.
I’m from Israel originally, been living abroad for over a decade now. My last visit was 4 weeks ago. This whole situation is fucking awful and I’ve been so… I don’t even know. It’s a mix of rage, sadness, sorrow, grief, emotional fatigue, numbness, and anger. I don’t understand the people who are calling for death as retaliation, I don’t understand the people who are happy for any life lost, I don’t understand how it got so bad, I feel useless, hopeless, homeless. My family isn’t safe, my friends aren’t safe, my boyfriend has been so helpful, but it’s also hard to even explain this ‘here we go again’ feeling and the weird place it takes you to. It’s so hard. It’s all so hard. He’s sending me silly reels, calls me a lot, we’re seeing each other this weekend as well. Being alone was weird. I’ve been on the phone to childhood friends and my mum a lot. It’s all… weird. Boyfriend and are a both in such delicate spaces now – he’s an athlete with a broken ankle and the place I grew up in is at war, we’ve been very kind to each other. It’s been very nice to see how we act in such awful times and how much care and grace he has for me. This one is a good one. I really truly and honestly feel I would have been lost right now without him. It’s like a weird survivor’s guilt. I got out. My house is fine, my local friends are safe, I can walk around freely without fear. I was just there, it’s awful. So awful.
I reread our texts again and realized that I was a moron^2 🤣
Venting post. Honeymoon period ended. I’m dating someone who is “strong and independent”, and the major downside is that I feel I have to fit in whatever space is left in her life with minimal compromise.
She has a busier job during the week and often has to work on weekends, so I keep my weekends free or we wouldn’t see each other. But then she may want to do something (see a friend, do an activity), sometimes at the last minute for the whole day. Until recently, it was on me to ask her to say no or she wouldn’t give me 1-1 time *at all* outside the bedroom for a whole week.
If we have to do something practical (managing expenses, travel plans, etc), she gets frustrated – it got better but I got “feedback” like a bad employee because it took time to coordinate (surprise!).
There’s no time to discuss sex. It’s not stale yet, but definitely (her) routine.
If I encroach too much in her life (by a few hours) she can suddenly panic and I get the cold shoulder. Her routine is sacred (mine isn’t). But if I get more distant, she also panics and I’ve had to wipe the tears off her face.
Of course our relationship is not only that and the highs are high. But I’m exhausted by the sudden highs and lows and I’d like empathy to go both ways. I feel I have to walk a fine line between giving her space and not making her feel abandoned.