Tldr; I have been with my bf James (M24) for 3 years and we just moved in together. My friend of 6 years Eve (F24) has been with her bf Ed (M29) for 2 years.
The first few years of our friendship we were very young and immature, we did a lot of drinking/partying and miserably failing the bechdel test at all times.
3 years ago I got with James and our dynamic shifted, Eve got very needy even though we still talked every day. A few months later she met Ed and they’ve been together for 2 years.
FYI both of us are in healthy relationships, this isn’t about our partners.
Once, James and I were in a fight and I was at her house venting. She went “mmm” and then randomly pulled out some letters Ed wrote for her. I’m obviously thrilled that she’s so adored but the timing was weird. She’s said a few times how much more mature Ed is, as he’s 5 years older than her whereas James is a few months younger than me.
James and I rarely argue but I’ve stopped mentioning it to her when we do. She’ll call him really nasty names which bothers me.
She’s never happy for our milestones. For our 3 years we’re getting eachother rings. Not exactly a promise ring, we’re really just trying to save money so we thought some rings would be nice/symbolic as he’s said many times he wants to propose within the next year or 2.
I told her and she said her ex got her a promise ring and she found them cringe and possessive. I showed her our new flat and she just said it was bland even though we’d just moved in and didn’t have a chance to decorate.
She’s also “joked” that she’s my only friend which made me raise an eyebrow. She didn’t go to uni (she’s still doing online uni) and fell out with a lot of her school friends, she pretty much only hangs out with me or Ed. I have a few strong friendship groups from school and uni who I see a lot.
She and Ed have had a lot of issues but I’ve always made sure to stay objective, I’ve never been rude about him or suggested they should break up (at most I said I’d support her if that’s what she wanted). I just wish I could get this energy back.
Is there a good way to communicate this with her? It’s a shame we were better friends before we got into relationships.
2 comments
What an odd situation. Are you sure you were really friends before this? Because it kind of sounds as though she’s bullying you, especially with the “I’m your only friend” comment. Or do you think she could be projecting? Maybe she feels miserable about herself and she’s projecting that onto you.
I guess the question is, do you really think that this friendship is worth saving? Were you so close before that you want to continue it with someone who shows such disdain for you?
I’m not sure of the best way to communicate your feelings to her because she seems like the kind of person who’s knee jerk reaction is going to be to go on the defensive. Do you think that she’s capable of practicing a bit of introspection?
It sounds like she’s only happy if she feels like she’s doing better than you.
A good friend would celebrate your wins and support you when you’re down. Eve sounds more like a “misery loves company” friend.