I have been casually seeing this guy for about 6 weeks now, and we are both doctors that work at the same hospital. On Monday night I stayed over at his and we went to work together the next morning. I have a significantly larger workload than him at the moment (68 patients compared to his 6). We arrived at 8am and I had to start straight away so didn’t have time to buy a coffee so I asked him if he could do a coffee run for me because I knew it would be a very very long time until I could have a break as I’ve pretty much been seeing patients non-stop with no pauses until 5pm or 6pm most days due to staff shortages.
He said that he had jobs to do as well and I brought up the fact that he had 6 patients that his senior colleagues mostly managed independently without him. Anyway he left and did his 1 hour of work for the day, and I saw him in the coffee shop hanging out with fellow colleagues when I walked past on my way to another ward at 9am.
When we were on the phone last night he “jokingly?” said they the cost to benefit ratio of me driving him to work in the morning so he didn’t have to catch the bus still resulted in a financial loss for him because he had to buy me coffee instead.
At work today I walked past him heading towards the line for the coffee shop around lunch time with some fellow female colleagues again and he asked me in passing if I wanted a coffee and I said no and made an instant coffee instead, remembering what he said last night and what happened yesterday.
I then found out that he was messaging our mutual female colleagues friends and asking them if they wanted coffee and bought them all coffee and even dropped one off to one of them that was still stuck on the wards.
I feel very annoyed at him for the whole interaction because we are actually seeing each other and sleeping together but yet he is treating me worse than people that he is just platonic with.
I don’t know if I’m being petty or overly sensitive by being upset and I feel a little bit like a psycho for even letting it get to me. But I had to cancel our plans tonight because I was worried I would blow up at him or say something I regret
Tldr: guy I’m casually seeing made a big deal about me asking him to buy me a coffee yesterday and didn’t do it but bought other colleague friends coffee today and even messaged them to ask if they wanted it
6 comments
Hmmm, I would be upset too. I would feel like I wasn’t being valued. You can try to talk to him about it, but from what you’ve described it doesn’t sound like he’ll catch your meaning. Just how casually does he think you’re dating? Because that sounds very casual.
Ew he really sucks!!!
Are you sure he thinks of you as his girlfriend? Because he sounds like he’s using you for sex and for lifts into work.
I’d reassess if you want to be treated like a second class citizen in his life.
Stop giving him lifts to work and let him see the difference between him paying for an Uber and buying you a coffee.
He sounds like an immature arsehole.
How’d you find out all the stuff about him messaging female colleagues/bringing them coffee?
If y’all are just fuckin NSA you technically can’t expect him to buy you things or have any day over what he does. Tho I completely understand feeling like you feel.
On the other side of it, you’ve given him extra benefits and started giving him rides and shit.
So to me sounds like a real human conversation needs to happen. Either you pull back and just fuck/do less
OR
He meets you and gives the occasional favor.
But personally I think he wants more and is trying to manipulate you instead of just coming right out and saying it.
You seem like the catch here
Did you ever get the coffee? Personally I perceive that a guy is not that into you when they are reluctant/don’t want to do things for you. If that’s how he acts about a coffee, imagine taking you out on a date. Then the whole comparison between taking the bus vs buying the coffee nails the coffin. It’s almost as if he’s saying he should have taken the bus if he knew he would have to buy you stuff.