Hi everyone, please help me. my bf and I have had a bit of an ongoing issue. Since this past june, he has been living in a 2 bedroom with his girl best friend (they have never hooked up). I didn’t love the idea, but after I met all of his girlfriends (and guy friends) I was like ok whatever, I can be the cool girlfriend (I also have guy friends and want it to be fair ). For context, my bf and I met at work, which is also where the girl best friend works. (They have been friends for about 6 years). Everything was going good until it wasn’t.
Once my bf and I got serious, and I was seeing her more as well, she got nasty. I am talking like would change her entire demeanor when I walked into the room. I noticed how nice and pleasant she could be to other friends and coworkers and honestly thought she was a cool person. I tried really hard for months to try and improve our relationship, I thought maybe she just needed to warm up to me. Nope. The behavior continued, my bf noticed, and talked to her about it. She claimed that she didn’t like me “for no reason” and he told her to be nicer to me and reported that info to me. I told him she was obviously jealous of something, probably me taking her time with him away from her (bc I am a girl and know how girls brains work). He disagreed that she was jealous and acknowledged that they have a \~weirdly close\~ friendship and I never loved it but just started ignoring her. Fast forward 6-7 months, I am on a semester abroad returning in december while we still talk long distance and I go a bit more neurotic and have more time to think and reflect on our relationship. I learned that in June, they are moving to boston TOGETHER. First, he always wanted to go to chicago, but it changed to boston because she did not want to go to chicago, she wanted to go to boston (he called that compromising when i call him out on it). This basically sets an expiry date on our relationship unless we were to continue being together in long distance while living in 2 different cities 3 hour drive apart (he will not have a car there either, I do have a car). Lately it has been really pissing me off the fact that their moving together again. We havent even been together for a year so me coming with makes no sense. Probably due to the distance I cannot stop thinking and talking to him about this situation. He validates my feelings in that she was mean to me, etc, and has talked to her about it multiple times but nothing has ever changed. This whole situation has been so difficult for me as I struggle with the fact that he is such close friends with somebody that could be so mean “for no reason”. I explained to him that a guy having a girl best friend that you live with (nevermind a bitchy, attractive one) is a red flag but he completely disagrees. Shouldn’t your best friend of 6 years give your partner at least a chance??? Have I created this problem for myself???? the fact that he is moving away from me is also a big part of my sadness coming out, but I also feel that he can’t see how entangled they are with eachother. I think they would do almost anything for eachother. He thinks I am struggling partly because I “cant be okay with someone disliking me without reason” (????)PLEASE HELP!!!!!! Im really struggling:(
7 comments
Girl why are you dealing with this. You’re 21. Why did they move in together ? Why didn’t u move with him? What’s the context in that. What afe the reasons
Just dump him he isn’t worth it
Your relationship comes first. Idgaf how close they are as friends, if you’re uncomfortable with them being like this then he should respect that. In return you owe the same to him if he ever voices his concern to you about one of your guyfriends.
Just break up. Your partner should be your priority not your friend. He failed on this, and I do not understand why you haven’t left him by now.
Break up, this wont get any better from here on out
I have a rule that I don’t “fight” for anyone. If someone is making me feel like a second choice, I leave them. I don’t draw it out with back and forths, arguments, discussions, etc. The second you feel like “it’s me or her” is your cue to leave. The drama and hurt feels that will ensue from all of this is not worth it. A LDR is not worth it.
And if you’re feeling any gray area, it’s the “partner” in the relationship that isn’t worth it as they’ve already shown you plenty where you fall on the priority list, take the hint.
This is less of an issue about this friend and more about him.
Lets assume for the sake of argument, that it’s possible for young men and women who spend all their time together to just be friends.
He just isn’t that into you. He’s with you right now because he likes you, but he has his own life goals that don’t include you. He wants to go to boston with his friend. It’s ok, he isn’t evil and this is normal for people your age.
There are plenty of boys near where you live who would be happy to include you in their life plans, appreciate you at least as much as their friends, and make you a priority.