men of reddit who are parents, what is your stance when it comes to spanking a child… do you view it as a form of physical abuse?

26 comments

1. Only when they are old enough that they can understand words, you tried to use words and words didn’t work, you explain that words didn’t work, so here comes the spanks. Never while actively angry. I’d spank my son on the top of his hand. He is quite well adjusted, polite and behaved.

2. I only spank my child if what they do is a safety issue and they did it carelessly after me instructing them not to.

   For instance, I spanked my daughter because we were by a busy highway and I told her to hold the wagon while I got her brother and sister and she immediately let go and walked into the street. I immediately grabbed her by the arm, yanked her back to the sidewalk and while I was doing that, her one year old brother fell out of the wagon and hit his head and started crying. So naturally she got a pretty good butt whooping.

   Aside from safety issues, I will not spank her. But she does get time out when she’s acting out of hand

3. No, but I also don’t think it’s necessary just to take out your own anger. I think the threat of getting your ass whipped should always be there.

   It’s what keeps discussions civil.

4. Working at an after school program in college secured my belief that some kids *need* a good spanking. Kids are craftier than soft adults give them credit for, and most kids will totally keep doing whatever shitty thing they’re doing if they know you won’t do anything beyond scolding them.

5. https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/21/04/effect-spanking-brain

6. Not a fan. It’s not okay for me to physically punish my wife, employees, retail workers etc no matter how much they annoy me.

   But it’s okay when it’s my helpless kid who relies on me for care and protection?

   I remember the last time I was spanked, it was when my parents realized I could stand up for myself. I’ll be damned if my son needs to stand up to me to get treated with respect.

7. Not abuse when a last resort AFTER 1: explaining why you should not do it 2) one loud no and the “what did we talk about” 3: now the spanking/bit of soap

8. I still find it absolutely bonkers that we’re taught to keep our hands and feet to ourselves and that violence will land you in jail, yet we give a full pass to adults to hit the most vulnerable of humans who look up to us for love and guidance. Downvote me to oblivion, but parents who spank their own kids are shit parents to begin with or had their own shit parents who taught them it’s okay.

9. It is wrong and teaches those in power can hurt those smaller and weaker than them. It also teaches kids to think abuse = love.

   I have not ever struck my 9f nor my 7m and I never will

10. Cognitive research shows it does lasting damage and does little to improve behavior. If your solution to being frustrated is to take it out on the tiny human you created, you’re a coward, and your kid deserves better.

11. I’ll probably do it

    Not as a means of parenting, but because it makes me feel like I have power and control

12. Spanking was the go to punishment in our house when I was a child. Spanking became physical beatings and whippings as I got older.

    The important thing to note is this….

    No spanking, nor beating, nor whipping, none of the concussions I suffered ever did a single fucking thing to change my behavior. Not one iota.

    Edit: And yet, my parent’s both of whom were reasonably intelligent, never realized that doing the same thing to me, over and over and over, did nothing to correct my ‘misdeeds’.

13. Yes… there are other ways to discipline

14. Actions deserve the consequences. I remember ass beatings as a kid, but I never turned out poorly. I think there are stages to discipline and I also think some parents can’t be bothered to discipline their child either due to exhaustion or they simply don’t want to try. If I punish a child, im going to explain why they are receiving the punishment. Further repeats will increase the punishment time accordingly.

15. I have 3 kids and make as many mistakes as anyone but I’ve never hit them, I’ve told them I never will hit them, and if I ever do they are to tell my wife or their teacher, etc.
    Like others have said, studies repeatedly show it’s harmful. Additionally, I grew up in a home with spanking and much worse and have no interest in repeating any of it.

16. Yes. Hitting is never the answer.

17. Yeah it’s horrible. I did it when I was an early parent and to be honest…I felt like such a dickweed after this one time. Like oh big tough guy, spanking a child.

    Then I thought…

    ‘Oh big tough guy. Spanking a child. And your emotional too.’

    So yeah, after it finally clicked one day after a few months I vowed to never do it again and I told the boy the same.

    ‘I will never spank you again and I’m sorry.’

    Exact words.

    They forgave me immediately and I kept my word and have not ever spanked again.

18. Spanking is one form of discipline and can be used to illicit an immediate punishment for certain things to instill and understanding of consequences to actions. Spanking however should not be any more than bottom swats. Smacks across face or punches are wrong.

19. Absolutely needed if you want to properly teach, dont injure, but make it hurt, i myself would ask to get spanked just to not have to listen to my mothers vs for a few hours.

20. I don’t think it works. I would never spank mine. But growing up I had light slaps on the wrist sometimes and I wouldn’t call it abuse, though I can understand how easily they can escalate.

21. It can be physical abuse, but like most things it’s how it’s used. My mom got me many times as a kid, my dad got me 2 times. I don’t remember one, but the one I do remember was for lying to him. Almost 40 years later, I’ve never lied to him again, and have a hard time being anything but totally honest with anyone.

    ​

    My son is 15, and I’ve spanked him once. It worked. He was old enough to understand it, I explained the reasoning for it, and it wasn’t a “beating” as some seemed to have gotten. If anything it was more to get his attention. He’s a well mannered kid, mature for his age, and thankfully a teenager who still likes to hangout with and do fun shit with his old man. It’s a fun age.

22. I remember getting spanked. I also remember getting slapped as a teen. Physical punishment was a very rare occurrence, but I don’t think those methods accomplished anything useful.

    I love my parents, but I’m old enough now to understand that they were way too young for that level of responsibility. Both of them were essentially just doing the best with what they had (which wasn’t a lot). Not that more mature adults are always better parents, but I imagine it helps.

23. Of course not. A whipping with a belt instills discipline.

24. Yes.

    I’ve never spanked my kids, but other types of negative reinforcement don’t change their behaviour. The only way to get good results with them is with routines (no TV/video games until homework is done), making expectations clear (tomorrow your chores are going to be X and Y), and positive reinforcement (you did extra chores so we’re going out for treats tonight).

    As a bonus, when they inevitably get upset, they never get violent.

25. It was very very common for anyone born in the 80s or earlier to get it as a punishment. I’ve always thought that a father punishing a daughter that way would be insane, whether spanking was common back then or not.

    I would never discipline like that and happy it’s no longer accepted.

26. Spanking just teaches your children to be afraid of you – not respect you. Have a civilized conversation with them and explain using words and communication. It boggles my mind why people ever thought spanking was a good child rearing idea. It’s abuse.