We F(24) and M (27) talked about sex and my fantasies, he tried to know my needs which attracted me towards him. We fucked on first date itself. His dick was a bit small in comparison to my previous partners but i liked his hard strokes . I gave him good bj and swallowed too. But he never met me again and called me a bit lazyz i like to be controlled and tossed around in bed and he said that he likes to dominate (he shouldn’t have called me lazy then) when I was just nervous due to new partner. I over praised him and told him that he satisfied me but I didn’t even orgasm.He came two times. I talked about my desires after a long time with him that caused me to over praise him maybe it was loneliness and i wanted him to be with me.I did everything extra idk why and behaved clingy. I regret this alot. I also ruined my self respect .In reality when I look back, he wasn’t the best i had, he was average . I also came to know that he was on viagra which means he was also anxious or not confident enough. He never met me for second time and ignored and blocked me which is giving me severe low self esteem issues. I boosted his ego unnecessarily. Have anyone ever fed someone’s ego for some reason when they were just average in bed or is it just me? And facing low self esteem? Is there any psychology behind the behaviour of both of us?
9 comments
The sex was mediocre and you fibbed. You’re better off just moving on and putting this in your past. You two clearly aren’t meant to be together and learn from your mistake and tell the truth next time. I have never lied in sex. It’s just easier to be honest.
The clue is in the name here. There have to be benefits so you should say if there aren’t. Don’t shame his dick size but in fwb it should be OK to say he doesn’t satisfy you and move on. I see it differently if there is a potential relationship when my partner is the best lover I’ve had etc. As I guy I will never be in a position to say my current partner has the biggest I’ve had but for someone you love….. I would say the equivalents about vaginas and boobs though.
His actions aren’t giving you low self-esteem. Your actions are due to your low self-esteem and his reaction to them is making you feel ashamed.
Leave the men alone for awhile. Get therapy. Get comfortable with yourself so that next time you date you won’t behave in a way you look back on with regret.
Have you tried not lying
I’m sorry this is bringing up self esteem issues for you.
Personally, if I was meeting someone for a one time thing, I would be pretty likely to tell them what they wanted to hear, particularly if I had a good idea of what that was beforehand. I like making people feel good, and honestly it would bring me immense satisfaction if they left the encounter feeling like a sex god.
So what you did makes a lot of sense to me.
But in a longer term relationship, I would be more focused on making sure I was getting the kind of sex I wanted, and would not be falsely boosting their ego.
Also, you really can’t call this dude a FWB if you only had sex once.
I don’t see a problem here. Neither one of you had great sex. You weren’t compatible so don’t give him any extra thought. This is just part of having casual sex. I have absolutely boosted a guy’s ego for no reason other than being nice before. Looking back on it, probably not a very smart thing to do in general.
I’m sure the clinginess was a response to his detachment. But i really don’t know what feeding his ego has to do with it. That just sounds like your scorned more than anything and wish you hadn’t.
Reality is if you had been honest about everything the result would not have changed.
I wish girls wouldn’t do this. You are not remotely alone. I could not even begin to count the number of girls I’ve known that have felt the need to lie and feed some guys ego because they thought it was the ‘polite thing to do’ or because they felt he would like it and respond positively to them. Never the case. If they suck they suck. Girls need to stop falsely feeding the egos of these men as they go on to the next woman and think they’re the shit when they are not. You need to make your pleasure center and front and put them on notice when they are a selfish or lazy in bed. Likewise, guys usually have a higher tolerance for shitty sex so him insulting you like this tells me there likely was something else going on
Move on. Take care of yourself. You are over thinking this. It’s nice to compliment new lovers. It helps set a nice feeling for next time. For your sake don’t get too hung up on this. Find a new lover.