My husband (35M) and I (28F) have been together for 4 years, and married for over a year. Three months ago we welcomed our first child and we have never been happier. We are so much closer now too. Because I had a somewhat difficult pregnancy, we didn’t really travel this year besides our babymoon but he did go to 3 countries on a 10 day boys trip with 5 friends (3 married, 1 engaged, 1 single) during my pregnancy. When he got back from this trip, he admitted to me that 1 of his married friends flew in another woman and cheated on his wife, and the engaged friend also cheated on his fiancé. Of course I was shocked, disgusted and began to panic and question him but he reassured me multiple times that he did not do anything. I believe him. Last week, he told me that he was invited by someone in his friend group for a bachelor trip in a country he has never visited (Brazil) and has always been on his travel list. Immediately, I was hesitant about it because I remembered what happened on the last boys trip he took with his friends. I didn’t tell him this though, I just told him I don’t think it’s fair for him to take another boys trip within 1 year of us having our first kid. The real reason is because I genuinely don’t think married men should attend wild bachelor trips. Am I being too possessive or toxic in thinking that?
P.S: My husband and I have never had infidelity issues as far as I know – neither of us has ever stepped out on our relationship and we have great communication skills and a healthy relationship. However, I am extremely skeptical of some of his friends and fear that a boys trip is not the right atmosphere for him. Yes, I know he’s an adult and can make decisions on his own but I’m just worried. I have been cheated on in the past by a toxic boyfriend and I really can’t handle it.
Edit 1 : the trip is next summer, not right now so our child will be almost a year old. This still doesn’t work for me.
Edit 2: it’s a different group of friends from the trip taken this year.
24 comments
Why are you holding him accountable for the actions of his friends? What qualifies this planned, future trip as a “wild bachelor party”?
Well his friends are individuals it has nothing to do with him. Also how he supposed to know if they going to be cheating or not. Also bigger issue i see is he keep going on trips. Thats should be your main focus. This might turn into a bad habit . Also fact he being honest with you about his friends is a good sign. Most people wouldnt bring that up
This makes your husband look so bad. Look out for yourself girly.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with a married man going on a bachelor party.
I’d have a huge problem with him going to a bachelor party with people who so cavalierly and intentionally cheat on their spouses.
I think that him being ok with people who blatantly cheat is a problem. Does he have an explanation for why he doesn’t distance himself from these people?
Why is he friends with people that lack morals? Generally people with wildly different views are close friends….
Time to start planning family trips instead of boys strips with friends with low morals who cheat on their SOs. Sounds like husband still has some growing up to do.
Bachelorette and bachelor parties have ruined a good many marriages. I am 73 and have been to a good many bachelor parties, and I have witnessed many married men doing things that I would consider cheating. That is not saying your husband would cheat, but his friends have shown they would, and they might encourage him to do it also.
Be honest with him. Tell him you greatly appreciate his honesty about his friends cheating. But it really concerns you that he would remain friends with those who would so easily betray their committed partner. Tell him there is a reason for the old saying that,” birds of a feather Flock together.”
Let him know you trust him, but not some of those friends. Misery loves in company, and if plied with enough alcohol and a bunch of peer group ressure, he may not be thinking clearly and led down a path he would normally not travel.
A good boundary for both of you is to never allow yourself to be in a situation or environment where temptation exists. Being in this type of private setting with proven cheaters crosses that boundary. And while you can’t tell him what he can or can not do, crossing that boundary will tremendously upset you.
1. He’s got an infant at home. Taking leisure trips with “the boys” should be very low on his list of priorities. OP’s husband has got some gall to even ask to go with a 3 month old at home.
2. Have you discussed what your boundaries are re these trips? These are countries where prostitution is legal. So it sounds like strippers and escorts may feature heavily in the activities. You probably should discuss with him what you are and are not comfortable with him doing.
3. That one of his friends would fly an affair partner in to join them is pretty bold. I know I would be very worried if my spouse counted people like that as close friends.
Uhhh… honestly it seems very suspect that he’s telling you about everyone else’s cheating while insisting he didn’t.
Remember people become who they hang around with…. I’d put my foot down and say he needs to be present for your baby’s first moments and memories. Tell him he can make it up to his friend another time or in the future yall can make a trip to that country.
Tell their wives
Why in the heck is he going on a trip with cheaters?! That would be my main issue. My underlying issue would be that alcohol combined with bad company doing bad things can lead even the best amongst us astray. Yes, even the most loyal are vulnerable when putting themselves in bad situations.
I would not be ok with this at all. And if my spouse said, “Don’t you trust me?…” I’d respond that I don’t trust anyone, including myself, to be immune to doing something stupid if you knowingly put yourself in a bad situation. It’s not about trust. It’s about being smart and being respectful to your marriage.
Different group and a whole year from now? Just because you’re married, does not mean that you don’t still get to have friends and get to do things with them. A whole year out is more than enough time to plan in advance. You guys are both still individuals who are allowed to have fun every once in a while. If you trust the man you married, then you’ll trust that he won’t do anything wrong.
I could never imagine telling my husband, he can’t take a trip with his friends, or him trying to tell me that. It just seems controlling, especially with an entire year out to plan for him being gone.
Given you have a 3 month old baby. He needs to stay home. You need to let him know how you feel. Bachelor and bachelorette parties is a disaster waiting to happen
Is he a bachelor? Seems odd to me.
Why not a family trip to Brazil? It’s time to start enjoying family trips. A night out or a get together with friends it’s fine. These bachelor parties that turn into vacations are over the top. You need to start making memories as a family.
my husband goes on solo boys trips all the time and I go on trips with my girlfriends. It’s fine to go to bachelor’s trips with friends. When there is trust, then shouldn’t be an issue.
when people want to cheat, then they’ll do it regardless if it’s a trip or not.
You have had no problems in that area of your relationship, DONT MANUFACTURE ONE.
Have a good day.
I’m going to be brutally honest with you. The only reason men go to Brazil is for the women. He’s going to gaslight you and minimize but he definitely plans on sowing some wold oats out there. You shouldn’t make a big deal about it though. That’s just the nature of man
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Did you tell his friends’ wives about the infidelity?
This thread is bad.
So, your husband is honest with you about what his friends do on a bachelor party.
They do bad things.
This is a different group of men and it’s still a no go?
So if you don’t trust him, why did you marry him? Why would you have children with someone you don’t trust?
I think it’s a bit controlling and may bring in resentment on your marriage in the future.
Be honest, he’s a married man now with a family. Mabey it’s time to shut down the bachelor vacations and do group trips with couples and family trips. Boys trips can be camping fishing hunting but married men on wild bachelor weekends would be a no for me.