Married the love of my life 3 weeks ago and prior we both decided that we wanted to wait for marriage to have sex. Both of us being virgins and being raised in a Cristian/ Catholic houses for some context. Up till the wedding day we both talked casually about sex and how amazing we both thought it would be ( me more than her). After the wedding we drove about an hr south and stopped at a hotel we were both feeling extremely nervous about our first time. I tried to take it slow kissing, back massage lube ect. I waited till she said she was ready but sex just didn’t work out. We tried for a few hrs but I couldn’t even get it in because everytime I tried she complained about the pain and I couldn’t stand that so we called it a night. Since then we tried several other times during the honeymoon. Somedays I thought we were making progress sometimes backsliding. During the whole honeymoon I was slightly bummed just because I was expecting different but we built our relationship on each other without sex and besides that the honeymoon was amazing. Once back home no improvements she claims to want to have sex and we’ve tried if you can call it that ( I’m sure we are both extremely awkward but we are ok with that because we see it as a bonding experience). I’ve been just telling myself to get over it and grin an bear it but it just really getting to me lately. I love my wife and think she is the sexiest woman ever (24). We’ve talked about it and I can see it really upsets her, and as the leader in this house I don’t want to upset her and Im willing to be patient. I’m just not sure what the best course forward is…. First redit post ever so I’m sorry if the format is terrible or if I’m not posting correctly.
2 comments
I am sorry that you both are going through this.
In my humble opinion, you two have built sex up to be a mountain that is to be climbed. It is not. It is – or can be – a shared, loving, bonding, emotional experience between two people. (Yes, it also might be a quick release every now and then, too. Even then, when between two people, it can be an incredible bonding experience.)
So slow down. Explore one another’s body. Learn how you each like to be touched. Enjoy the journey.
If, in the end, you are still not sexually connecting, consider seeking out a therapist who specializes in couples’ sexual issues.
Have you tried foreplay? Jumping straight to insertion probably won’t work at first. You’ve got to play around a bit first. Use fingers and just enjoy each other’s bodies.