I [M30] Practically Have Two FWBs And One Of Them [F21] Wants To Be Exclusive And Monogamous But My Main [F30] Girl Has Helped Me A Lot?

TL;DR —-> Have to make a choice. First girl brings out only the best in me but does not want to commit. She also has a much-much more active lifestyle and this drains me. I am also reluctant to move thousand of miles to be with her. I also do not want to lose the other girl as a bestie which I would definitely lose rather than not if I were to choose to stay with the first girl. Second girl, we’re more alike. We are practically besties but both are not stable and not secured. I am miserably anxious to have her romantically and sexually but she is willing to commit.

Torn Between Two Lovers.

Samantha/First Girl. Karen/Second Girl. Beau/Me. Names have been replaced to protect our identities and privacy.

I am average in every way. I am quite intelligent but my anxiety and depression (other issues too) are crippling me. I have had a hard life.

My main girl is (into older girls) a millennial. I am very attracted to her. Lanky but not (just my type) stick-thin. She’s wise, clever, mature, caring, empathetic and accepting. She’s a liberal but not woke. Feminist but not radical.

Now the negative parts. She’s into the more alternative lifestyle. Holistic. Mad about (surprisingly not a vegetarian though) astrology. Has questionable hygiene. Into ENM/swinging/open-relationship but not (she’s tried that but just not into it) polyamory. Loves her wine a little bit too much. Extroverted (which she denied) and can hang and vibe with most everyone. Nudist. Minimalist. Doesn’t want to be tied down but might be open to serious LTRs in the not so distant-future. Backpacking and couch-hoping with strangers. Half of these are making me somewhat uncomfortable. She’s still a great lady nonetheless. I am a recovering mild-hoarder.

I am the monogamous type. Due to circumstances, I always have troubles finding a woman to settle-down with. We are now considered very serious FWBs and good friends. Not close besties or anything but still friends. She is my main girl. I used to be monogamous but the girl asked me to fool around because she felt selfish since we’re long-distance. We have chemistry inside and outside of the bedroom. Compatibility and mutual understanding too. So, I have had a few ONSs and hook-ups.

I am unsure but I think that I am not her main man. Very far from it but believe that her relationships with her main men have never been any where near serious LTR territory either.

She has helped me a lot with my insecurities, confidence, anxiety especially social anxiety, depression, introversion and a lot of other things. In other words she has brought out the best in me. She’s draining me though. I cannot catch-up with her sometimes. She’s very active and flexible but I am chubby. Not just that but energy-level wise too. She has a healthy-relationship with food too. Organic, gras-fed, non-GMO, natural, minimally/non-processed and what not but other than that she devours practically everything. I am happier and healthier after meeting her.

She has no desire to go a step-further by being official/exclusive/serious LTR. At least not in the near-future. She is very sexual and never lets me forget about that fact. She still hooks up and has ONSs on the regular. She has a multiple f-buddies and FWBs including me. She has around 8 serious LTRs and 80 sexual partners. Only two or three have been complete monogamy. One ended after the dude cheated and one after she cheated. The remaining serious LTRs have been ENM/swinging-kind/open-relationship-kind. She’s feeling overwhelmed, hence been taking it easy since The Pandemic.

She said she’s bi but she’s never really acted it out. Only been with women, 2 or 3 times.

Also, if she somehow were to change her mind, I might be afraid of it since I must leave everything behind and move West thousand of miles away from everything I have ever known my entire life. I have anxiety. I like familiar things and love to stick to that. I would never ask her to move East because that would make me feel selfish and being unfair. She makes about 1.5 mil a year. Her work is flexible but HQ is in The West. Her parents are only making 200 K combined. She wasn’t poor growing up but not in any way filthy-rich either. She’s a strong-independent woman which I adore.

Now, enters second girl. More like me including the negatives. Introverted and homely/home-body. Has crap-ton of emotional/psychological issues. Pretty and cute but frumpier. Not serious but has a minor eating disorder. She starves herself but when she doesn’t, she eats garbage. She has a privileged up-bringing. At least some expensive private-schooling. Her parents make around 1.5 mil combined but she only makes around 50 K. I make the same too. She only lives a few towns away from me. The two cities/towns are notorious for being very-very expensive. Seriously.

She’s a younger zoomer. I am into older girls but this girl is very mature, clever and very grounded for her age. She’s still a zoomer though with tons of issues. Just better than most zoomers but still somewhat questionable if we were to compare her with most folks from other generations. She’s a snowflake too. So much so, that she’s been institutionalized/ rehabbed multiple times. She’s better now but still. Yikes. She’s ultra-liberal, radical feminist, woke, progressive and all. I said mostly due to her parents (especially mommy) and peers but she’s actually a moderate in real life.

I am very confused why this is the case. Depressed, anxious and somewhat unhappy. She has it all. Looks. Talent. Personality. Money. Very healthy social life. Loving parents. Privileges. Brains. This is making me sad. Just zoomers being ungrateful?

She’s very submissive inside and outside of the bedroom. Very rare for an ultra-lib woman. I prefer more dominant women.

Can someone explain why this girl is so submissive romantically and sexually? She’s very cut-throat and strong-acting in other aspects. Her friends and family have been feeling quite shocked everytime they see her with a significant other including me. She’s very girl-boss with everyone else but acts like an anime SAHM when ever she is with me.

She also dresses like an Amish Auntie. So contradicting. I am very confused. I don’t mind this though. She has hooked-up and had a few ONSs too but she is very much into serious LTRs. She’s been with less than 10 guys. She said she’s bi too but more due to pressure of being woke/ultra-liberal. She has high libido but not very good at it. The first girl still has higher libido than most but she’s got nothing on the second girl. She’s good at it though.

She has an IQ of about 130. Very-very smart. First girl is only around 120. Still smart though.

Also, I have practically stopped hooking up and having ONSs after meeting second girl.

Second girl has more of the same thinking, interests and taste with me. I share similarities with first girl too but no where near the same.

Second girl has severe addictions too. Drugs, alcohol and sex. I am basically straight-edge. She has mostly recovered but she has started to drink again. Vodka, neat.

Now, the problems. Second girl has asked me for a serious LTR. Exclusive, official and complete monogamy.

Pros. I am more comfortable with her too. She has a little bit more energy but I have no major troubles catching up/matching her energy. I vibe more with her too. We’re so close and practically besties. We’re more alike. Also, we live near to each other.

Cons. I am always anxious when I’m with her though. We’re both not stable and not secured. Financially and mentally. Both are depressed. Both are painfully introverted, passive and submissive. She has severe addictions. Politically, we’re complete opposite too. She’s low-key a Zionist and I am a proud pacifist. First girl is also a pacifist.

First girl is mostly all-pros. Few cons being energy level, introversion/extroversion thingy, not wiling to take the next big step on her part, also not willing to move thousand of miles on my part.

All want children some day. That’s never been an issue.

All I ever wanted since I was a very young man is a girlfriend and eventually fiancee/wife. First girl doesn’t want that. I am also reluctant to move to be with her. I also might (99% chance) lose second girl as a bestie. I don’t want to lose her.

If I were to choose second girl, we might be miserable to the point of committing suicide but I would have my bestie by my side though.

In an ideal world I would want first girl as a wife and second girl as my bestie but the world ain’t an ideal place like that.

Please help. I hope you guys can provide few solid advices. This is basically life or death, lmao. I seriously have no idea what to do. Don’t say something like only I am able to make the choice. Please try to help. Thank you for your time and goodday 🙂