I am recently married and it’s been difficult to distribute chores since we both work and his job makes it that we can have unexpected appointments frequently and I have to work every other saturday. We’re still getting the hang of things, both in disposition to help. I think we should structure up more what chores each of us do, like having desingnated areas to keep clean, while he thinks an hour a day of any housework (or where it looks like it needs more attention) works fine. Can’t decide wich is best.
So, I wanted to get ideas of how you guys divide the chores with your SO, while juggling jobs as well.
Thanks in advance.
26 comments
I mean I guess you could make a chart but mostly just kinda help out one another, be proactive when you see something needs done but be open to communication
The first one after work who is home starts.
She does the chores that require more attention to detail (dusting, sweeping, general tidiness). I do the dirtier/more heavy-weight work (trash, laundry, general home maintenance). We both have full-time jobs so we usually do the chores on the weekend.
If I cook, she does the dishes. If she cooks, I do the dishes. If we both cook, we have a duel to decide who does the dishes.
After being married over 20 years we’ve found it’s best for us to do what works. She hates laundry, so I do all the laundry. I hate kitchen stuff, so she does most of it. I am in charge of removing kitchen trash and unloading the dish washer.
Stuff that did not work:
* My philosophy is “Make a mess, clean the mess (right then). I tried to get my wife on board with this. lol, that was a no go because my wife’s philosophy is to wait until the house is a huge mess, then spend all day cleaning.
* chore lists
* trying to change my wife
* my wife trying to change me
* my wife trying to tell me how to do my chores
* etc.
Charts suck, they lead to one of you having something to hold over the others head later on. It’s the same problem with “designated areas”. If my area is the bedroom, and you just leave your clothes all over the floor and while I put mine in the hamper, it grows resentment. You both need to get in the mindset that proactive cleaning will prevent the need for larger cleanings later. Put things back immediately after you use them. Throw your garbage out. Wash dishes after meals. Your husband’s idea is what works best if you both are of the disposition to help, and is what will lead to the least amount of resentment when one of you falters. The only trick is that you have to be ok with different priorities (this also leads to stupid fights). If he thinks the kitchen is priority, and you think the bathroom is, and you both have your reasons for it, then let it go and tackle them separately without complaint. Realize you are both improving your living space and you both should be thankful you have a partner that helps.
It’s pretty simple, I get impatient with mess and I deal with it sooner than she does.
We don’t really divide tasks. We just make sure things get done. The only real division is that I do laundry/folding and dish washing and she does the cooking.
Otherwise, we just want to make sure things are done. I’d recommend against anything that create a “scorecard” with your wife.
Before we had a kid and both worked, it was divided a lot like this:
– her: all cleaning and tidying up (except after cooking), utlility bills, own ironing, social obligations, medical cabinet inventory etc.
– me: all cooking, meal planning, grocery shopping, tidying up after cooking, paying the rent and internet bills, own ironing, all vehicle upkeep and maintenance, small repairs around the house, financial planning, trips
– shared/as needed: laundry, dishes, taking out the trash
My wife has been a SAHM for the past 6 years and it’s a lot more chaotic and less clear division. But in short, we’re both exhausted and pretty sure the other one is not pulling their weight.
Over the years we’ve settled on things
– we do what we like. I like landscaping, gardening, mowing, cleaning the kitchen. She likes doing bills, cooking, grocery shopping.
– we 50/50 share what we don’t like. Laundry, cleaning the rest of the house.
– we got a cleaning lady to vacuum, dust, change beds
As other things come up, we divvy them up
What if each of you just does what needs to be done instead of saying “well that is YOUR chore”?
We don’t have an official division. I tend to do more kitchen cleanup, yard work, taking garbage/compost/recycling out while she tends to do more baby laundry folding (we each put away our own laundry though), and bathroom cleaning. Snow shovelling is about 50-25-25 (me being 50, her being 25, random neighbour being 25).
I used to be a dish/prep/grill once upon a time. So I cook and she cleans. I wash the pots, pans, and knives, though.
Shit needs doing, shit gets done.
The only actual task assignment is dishwashing, which I do and SO puts away as she hates what it does to her nails.
I don’t divide them because I’mm luck that I don’t have a wife 🙌🏼
We distribute based on what we like/dislike to do. My SO hates cooking and I love doing it, so that’s what we do for the rest, it’s a constant battle to see who’s gonna do what because we are neat freaks and we like jumping in the warm laundry pile. I think the only one we hate doing is the shower and taking out the trash, so we try and split it 50/50.
So far we’ve been lucky; we each prefer to do certain chores and there’s not a lot of overlap. So while she really likes grocery shopping and cooking (which I absolutely loathe), I don’t mind doing dishes, laundry, cleaning the bathroom, or vacuuming.
Neither of us is particularly messy nor particularly a neat freak; we can both let things go a little bit, but also have the self-motivation to tackle what we see needs doing. It’s been a true pleasure, and I think we’re both very lucky in this.
She’s like 8 months pregnant, nauseous, and fatigued. I do everything physical, she does the mental work of budgeting and orders whatever needs to be bought+delivered.
I prefer it this way. Chores are easy, I’m in good shape, and she’s got balance issues. Her share of the chores is walking to the bathroom every 35 seconds.
My fiancee and I mostly divide the chores, but either of us will end up doing more of one or the other. We don’t keep exact score of who does what since that in itself is a chore, we just make it work.
She does take on more of the cleaning, but she knows that if she wants help to do a deep clean then all she needs to do is ask.
I tend to take on more of the cooking since she hates cooking, whereas I enjoy it. I also tend to wash the dishes more often, mainly because I can work from home full-time whereas she cannot.
Laundry we do loads together, but we’re responsible for our own shit. Sometimes I’ll fold her clothes and vice versa, but we leave it in the basket for the other to put away.
When it comes to doing handy stuff I tend to take that on more.
Bottom line, every couple is different and should agree on what works for them. What other people think should be largely irrelevant as long as the couple is okay with their arrangement.
I never divide chores. We do what needs to be done when we have time to do it. I usually clean more but that’s because I enjoy it. She usually cooks more because she enjoys it.
Things need to get done so as an adult tou just od them
Don’t share If you see something that needs to be cleaned or done JUST DO IT
It’s your home also
The easiest task BUT has the illusion of difficulty is dishwashing !
Keep that job to yourself and.DO NOT outsource.!
I stay at home and do everything, she works and makes the big money, I Doordash on the side.
It works out.
Money vs. chores is a fairly decent divider.
The ol sexist way! You see there are blue jobs (taking the garbage out, mowing the lawns, doing the dishes; because she makes the food) and there are pink jobs: doing the laundry, making dinners, cleaning the bathrooms. /s
I basically do things that are physically too difficult for her….
She can’t walk upstairs without pain (she’s getting older); I do the laundry, minor repairs, driving the car, trash/recycling, security, install/remove air conditioners, clean out drains, and much more.
She does the cooking, some cleaning, decorating, and works two jobs.
i do everything but will divorce her soon after i find a replacement. i dont want to be homeless
When we first married we actually negotiated on which chores we were going to do. She wasn’t a very good negotiator so she ended up with a lot of the chores I didn’t want(dishes, laundry, etc.) We renegotiated a couple of times in the years after and it evened out a bit.
Since we’ve had children and bought a house it has changed, especially since she works from home and I have a full-time and part-time job plus volunteer work. Largely, we started with the traditional template and adapted it as needed, plus we have the MIL living with us and pitching in.
Dishes(we have a dishwasher), laundry, vacuuming, most cooking and cleaning, etc. land in her department, though I do the bathrooms. If something requires more physical exertion or is dangerous and dirty, that’s my responsibility. Mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, taking out the garbage, replacing anything like filters, and fixing anything around the house is my job, which kinds sucks sometimes because I was never taught how to maintain a household.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that we don’t cover down on each other when needed, you gotta do what you gotta do. And when she was in her third trimester during both pregnancies, I did the lion share of chores so she could rest, but yeah, this is what works for us.