The wife and I both have careers and feel strongly about them.
We come from cultures/families where Moms pretty much did everything at home and Dads provided…..so our personal experiences don’t really apply to our marriage…
How does it go down? Did you guys have the talk? Does it need constant adaptation? How do you go about splitting stuff? How about kids?
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I do lots of stuff. She does lots of stuff. I feel like I do more, especially when you add in lawn mowing. But I feel like if I do more, than I’m good.
You started by asking about taking care of the house and ended with asking about… Everything?
What’s “the talk”? I’ve only known this as parents talking to their kids about sex. Is that what you mean?
Your questions are kind of all over the place.
My wife and I both try to take care of the kids and the house chores. She tends to do laundry and cooking and dishes and kid stuff more, while I do more yard work, cleaning, home maintenance and upgrades, finances, hiring contractors, etc. I think the key is to try to stay busy working on stuff at the same time and take your breaks / downtime at the same time, with each other. What you’re working on may matter less as long as you both feel like the other is pulling their weight in some way.
Open communication, constant adaptation, respect, and taking care of your problems.
I have purchased a Roomba and Liter Robot. I also pay for a house cleaner to clean the house every other week for about 4 hours. Besides that I mow, take out the garbage, and occasionally help with other chores maybe 10% of the time.
We’ve both agreed this seems to be an equitable split. This works for us and I’m happy to outsource my chores.
We both do as much as we can. I work a little more so she does a little more cleaning.
I love to cook for her though so I often lead dinner.
You split the work based on what you like and for tasks noone likes you trade off or outsource.
Hired help. It’s worth it because a.) you don’t have to spend that time yourself. b.) you won’t fight about who does what and how well or often do they do it. c.) you don’t have to think about it anymore.
Whoever has more freetime on a given day generally does more. That’s the only rule we have and it has served us well for years
Whoever enters the home first (after work) starts. The other one helps, as soon as they are also at home.
She does the laundry, i do big groceries, she cooks for kids i do vacuum cleaning. But, if she asks me to cook something i don’t give a shit why, i just do it. Same with my duties- if i ask her, she does it. We’re 40+, 23 years together so it’s very intiuitive and also kids are teens now and help a lot.
2 jobs at 40 hours a week, hire a house keeper for one day a week to do laundry and clean, you should be able to afford it
We have a pretty good system going over the past few years. She cleans the kitchen, I clean the bathroom. We split up cleaning for the rest of the house. I pay utility bills she pays for groceries and we track our shared expenses throughout the month and things usually line up within $50. I take care of the cat she takes care of the dog. We split up the cooking pretty evenly as well. I do most of the yard work while she does most of the gardening. We each do our own laundry. I take care of all the mechanical maintenance.
I cook, take care of trash, clean the cat litter, vacuum upstairs, do laundry, and handle heavy yard work. She does the dishes, vacuums the first floor and basement, cleans the bathrooms, and folds the clean clothes.
since I see that food is your Main concern. we have 2 kids I am the man and do all the kitchen related stuff. I Cook like 3 to 7 Times a Week and always Cook langer portions and put stuff in the freezer. cooking usually takes me 30 to 60 Minutes including kitchen cleanup and preparing lunchboxes for Kindergarten for the following day. Shopping is done by both of us whenever someone can Shop on his way and we have a shoppinglist in the kitchen where we just write what we need.
we Used to have a thermomix for easier organizing.
it really helps if you enjoy cooking.
on busy days we just have Abendbrot.
you could also use stuff like hello fresh or Löwenanteil.
We just do what we can when we can. It’s been working out so far
You simply make time to do it. Mentally treat home care with the same dedication you have for your job. While you’re not being paid for maintaining your home; your comfort and peace of mind is derived from home. Never slack on the things for your mental comfort as you’ll be the first consequence of it. Help out around the house, do even more of it than your wife if you can; because it will be better for your family. I’ve fixed cars, done electric work, redone plumbing. Folding blankets, washing dishes, weekly cleaning is a stroll thru the park to maintain a nice cozy space for the family. 24 hours in each day. There’s always 30 minutes to spare.
Are the kids old enough that you could delegate them some simple chores? Even a little bit helps.
We live in an apartment so the biggest thing is food. We have just decided that we’ll split the cost of joint grocery trips and we cook our own meals. We still eat together, we’re just heating up different foods. It works out that way for us.
We remind ourselves that Marriage isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100 so sometimes you’re doing 30 and sometimes you’re doing 100. You have to be ready based on the day or the schedule to do it all because the relationship needs that dedication.
We have weekly “business meetings” to talk about things that need to get done (which vary in importance week to week) and who should do them based on the schedule. We’re often doing things later at night because we have a 16 month old, but we are patient with each other and communicate openly about things that are important for us individually and as a partnership.
We see shit that needs to get done & we do it. I was leaving for work today, the hamper was full. I took it to the laundry room, sorted it and started a load. Same as I did when I was single. When I get home, I’ll throw it in the dryer and fold it while watching tv later tonight.