So I’m new to dating and one of the things I’d like to find in dating is a man who is a provider minded. I’d still like to contribute some financially, though I know I wouldn’t feel good in a so called “50/50” relationship and in heterosexual relationships especially, I’d say it’s really never 50/50. The woman ends up slipping into a position where she’s really doing the most and in some cases she’s lucky if he contributes some at least financially. Though that’s besides the point.
I’ve been looking into this and one of the things I heard was to really not even bring up the word, because apparently it rings red flag bells for men. Even for the men who’d want to do it. Though how then first of all are we supposed to know that the man is the type who would want that happily and are we supposed to waste weeks, months and possibly years to see if he is that type?
Also why is it that so many men have no problem sleeping around, looking for hookups, being sexual and bringing that up and any other things they look for in a partner. Though when we voice ours it’s a “red flag”?
It’s really frustrating and I’d love to hear your thoughts.
PS. Sorry I don’t know if there’s maybe a better suited subreddit for this.
2 comments
I’d say keep leading with it. Will a lot of guys be turned off by that idea? Sure. But if that is indeed what you want, that’s the slog we have to go through. I would search in Conservative spaces for men like that.
We also have to ask ourselves what we bring to the table. Most of the women I see who can pull this off are damn good at taking care of their bodies, the house and the kitchen (if we want something “traditional” that’s what we have to do). How are we on that front?
>Also why is it that so many men have no problem sleeping around, looking for hookups, being sexual and bringing that up and any other things they look for in a partner. Though when we voice ours it’s a “red flag”?
So what these men are saying can be seen as a “red flag” as well but the difference is they don’t care if you do. You have the right to voice whatever you want in a partner as anyone else. But remember we’re not entitled to a positive reaction about stating said desires. Just like those guys.
I (40M) think a lot of guys will want what you are seeking. But just like marketing in business, you want to present things in the right way. Don’t put the spotlight on you, put the spotlight on them or the relationship.
Instead of “I want to find a man who is a provider”, Try “I am looking for a man to be a good husband and father”
Instead of “50/50 relationship”, Try “Husband and wife relationship”.
Let me know if I am not making sense.
Good luck!