Sex on special occasions

27 comments

1. How does sex generally happen for you regularly?

2. It’s great having special occasion sex, yes. How do you normally initiate sex? Can the same be done?

3. Why not on the regular?

4. That’s perfectly reasonable. I would think it is expected. Just tell your wife that you would like some sexy time alone with her as your present.

5. I tell my wife. If you have bought me a gift. It isn’t what I want. Everything I want you already have.

6. I love special occasions but I also love the dumb things that come with it like dinner and night out, getting flowers and chocolate !!!
   My husband only did Valentine’s Day our first year :(. It just feels like a normal day otherwise

7. I don’t like it to be an expectation. There’s a pressure that brings. As long as your okay with passing if the day was more tiring than usual it would be good.

8. This is slightly off topic from your original post but it seems you guys are having problems outside of just scheduling sex.

   When was the last time you guys went on a date? Do you romanticize her without trying stuff at the end of night?

9. Tell her to get on her knees…

10. So can your wife have sex with you on a day when you want it?

11. Get her some gummies!

12. Have you read up on responsive desire? Tried dating her again and in general romancing her without it turning to sex? How are you on non-sexual intimacy?

13. Planned sex can sometimes come with pressure and expectations that kill the mood. My simple solution, especially if you want her to initiate, is to ask her to do so when she’s feeling it on or around your birthday. Maybe a 2 or 3 day buffer.

    I love having sex and fucking and making love, but in the past, when I felt even an ounce of expectation or pressure my libido would plummet. We worked gradually and paid attention to each others’ feelings. It is not an unreasonable ask! It might feel like it to her due to something you two haven’t communicated about yet.

14. Ugh, I feel sorry for you, OP. We do have sex on special occasions, we usually make it “special” too, so we do sth we don’t do very often, or we go to a naughty hotel or our special place (a hotel where we had sex for the first time etc). Sex is about celebrating being a couple and the connection between two people (for me anyway).

15. Not a fan. I mean, sure, sex on special occasions is great, don’t get me wrong, but if it’s “planned” it can feel like an obligation, aka, a chore, which would turn me off, especially if sex isn’t already a regular thing in the relationship.

16. Here’s the thing – special occasions often come with a lot of other types of work. And oftentimes the energies that a person may like to put into sex gets expended on those other tasks. Is this applicable to your situation? Maybe. Maybe not.

    If it is, then maybe you can try to share in the workload that comes with planning, organizing, accomplishing these special occasions so that’s there’s still something left in the tank for the bedroom.

    If it isn’t, then maybe you need to look at the state of your sexual relationship as a whole to see if there’s a larger issue at hand.

17. Sounds normal

18. I’m sorry but sex in a marriage is too important to be put aside as negotiable item. That is to say, it is a reasonable expectation for either spouse that their mate responds appropriately to requests for intimacy and not just on special occasions. I get it, we all work hard, don’t always feel up to it after a trying day at work or just plain don’t feel physically well enough to enjoy sex and intimacy with our spouse. But OP is not being unreasonable and wife’s excuses are pretty lame at times. I loved my wife more than I’ve ever loved anyone else in my life but I would have left the marriage if I had to endure what OP is going through. Life is too short for that, imo.

19. How about a strategy?

    Several weeks before your birthday, ask your wifeif the two of you can sit down after dinner for a gentle talk.

    Explain to her that it is sad for you that your request for intimacy is difficult for her to hear. Tell her it has been your desire to have sex (but perhaps call it intimacy) with her on your birthday.

    Give her empathy around being pressured and that you love her anyway. Tell her that this is just a request and if she’s not able to fulfill that you will continue to love her unconditionally.

    Ask her if there is anything that you can do to make it easier for her to be intimate with you on your birthday.

20. Ditch the roommate and find a partner who’d gladly give you sex for.your birthday. This shouldn’t be this difficult. And your roommate – bless her – who isn’t wrong or bad, can then find a no/low libido man who won’t ask anything sexual of her. Win-win!

21. So bizarre , of course I (46f) would expect to have sex on special occasions. Infact we now try to plan local mini trips (minimum 2 days) for all special occasions because our kids are grown. That’s when we have some of our best porn star sex ….

22. Wait, you’re not getting any of special occasions?
    I think sex should be done every damn day 😆
    My boyfriend would have to beat me off with a stick on a special occasion 😅

23. The alone part is kinda telling. It’s not the lack of sex you’re dealing with, it’s lack of a lot of other things imo

24. Its never too much to ask, it is too much to say no all the time, Sex is an integral part of romantic relationships for several reasons. First and foremost, it’s a means of physical intimacy that allows partners to connect on a unique level. The act of sex involves vulnerability, trust, and a deep emotional connection, which can strengthen the bond between individuals.

    Beyond the emotional aspects, sexual intimacy has biological and physiological effects. It releases hormones like oxytocin and endorphins, which contribute to feelings of closeness, happiness, and overall well-being. These hormonal releases can also help reduce stress and promote a sense of security within the relationship.

    Moreover, sexual compatibility is often considered an important aspect of a healthy relationship. Differing desires or expectations in this area can lead to frustration or dissatisfaction. Open communication about sexual needs and desires is crucial for fostering a satisfying and fulfilling connection.

25. I’ll tell you how women work. If she doesn’t want to fuck you, it could be you. Not YOU, but how she’s feeling about you. It could be how she’s feeling about herself. Stress, life, work, kids. As a woman with no kids yet but all of the aforementioned things, there was only one time where I stopped wanting to consistently fuck my partner, dated this guy for 8 years it wasn’t a good relationship. We still slept together but it dwindled. I kept going and then a year after our sex dwindled, I realized I really did not want him to touch me or fuck me. Then I ended it. That’s how strongly my sexual desire responded bc I’m highly sexual. But in the end it was the emotional aspect that separated us, sex was just a symptom. Now i love fucking my boyfriend and sometimes it’s all I think about after 2 years. Speaking for myself sex will never be on the back burner because it’s literally everything. It is the culmination of your emotional love meeting physical. I have it now 10 times a week bc we only see each other three times a week. So we get to pack it all in. I can’t wait to have more when we live together. Find someone that wants to please you and love you all at the same time

26. I’d just start jerking it while laying in bed next to them regularly

27. don’t deman sex from her for special occasions. Have a good time on your b-day and turn her on.

    Learned this lesson with my wife – never ask her for sex, just try to turn her on and if she is up for sex she will let you know or show you.

    Asking seems to be a big turn off for married women (can only speak from my marriage).

    Hope this helps!