25M – Many times when I’m with a group of friends we will head out to a bar/club. Usually before and even headed there, everyone is excited and the energy is good. The moment we get there it’s like we forget how to be humans. We just make small talk over the loud music and essentially watch everyone else have a good time. Sometimes we’ll end up on the dance floor and awkwardly dance/sing.
Why does this happen? How to avoid this?
3 comments
Sounds like a transition from a safe space to a chaotic space without a ‘vision’ to keep the momentum going.
Does the bar have something that gets you all excited like when you first meet with your friends? If not, either try to figure out a reason to stay excited when you’re there or stop going to that bar/club.
Also consider that these spaces are animalistic – they’re places of potential sex and violence. The crowds, disorienting atmosphere and intimidating bouncers elicit fear and anxiety in lots of people. Having an insider friend who can get you on the guest list and secure more friendly treatment from the staff can make a night and day difference. Also it helps to be loaded with cash in those places to buy your way into VIP status. Or if you have a friend who is a local celebrity or works in a very respected position in the locality then your group can go out with them and their presence would likely be known and people will be more respectful and friendly to your group.
So get genuinely excited about something at your destination, rally the group around it, and try to get treatment that’ll put you and your friends at ease.
Or throw a house party where you set the rules.
And finally, you can’t control people so don’t sweat it that much and dance the night away
I totally relate to this! It can be so awkward trying to socialize at a noisy bar
Maybe we should try finding quieter venues or plan more activities to keep the energy up?
you guys are social and smart enough to want to go out and meet people but when you’re there, no one is actually social enough to be the liason with other people. Is it a group of only guys?
What’s your goal going to the bar? Is it just to have fun? cause dancing and singing sounds fun. Maybe it’s just you that feels more awkward and everyone else is having fun.