Typed a whole post and then lost it when my phone died, so this will be somewhat less detailed but happy to update or answer questions.
Havent been in a serious relationship in 7 years. I would like to be but that’s just been my luck with dating. I’ve learned a lot about myself and other people along the way but somehow it never manages to be less confusing! I’ve tried many approaches in the past that didn’t work well for me so currently I’m just letting men approach me but also being super receptive and giving effort if I’m interested. Lately, (and my most recent experience to an extreme degree) guys will come onto me super strong, I note it, but ultimately lean into it because I want to be with someone who is stoked about me, I put in effort outwardly and internally to match the energy and then they get distant and end up telling me they don’t want to be in a relationship.
It’s one thing to start seeing the signs of someone being wishy washy from the start and not be very surprised when they pull away but it’s quite another to basically be smothered with love to the point where I had to gently explain that I was a bit overwhelmed but enjoyed his loving nature (my most recent experience) & then him getting elusive, distant & ultimately telling me he isn’t looking for a relationship…
It really didn’t feel like some kind of narcissistic love bombing, he just seemed really really stoked and serious and I wanted to catch up to him because I enjoyed that big love feeling but we had just met…which he also acknowledged. But only after I told him I was overwhelmed and just needed a little time, he said I “pushed him away and now he’s neutral” but also saying nothing is wrong and that he just needed space.
What????
People of Reddit help me. Haha.
3 comments
If I can answer this seems to be a issue where you both fell hard at first, then you needed to take a step back and gather, ground yourself and he was consistent about his “big love”.
Was their consistent communication around where you both were at during this time of transition and how long of period of time are we talking about?
It sounds like also there may have been a bit of impatience and an attitude “hurry up and get on board” from one side. But that’s just from your description.
Just my humble opinion.
Also dating now doesn’t get any less confusing the more you get into it, too much involved from maintaining appearances, ignoring red flags, and focusing on +/- qualities then on an overall great human being.
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