Edit: Saying “i didn’t help its my job to care for my child as their father” is not helpful. I already know it’s my job, I didn’t know how to word this question so I used the word help.

32 comments

  1. At night I did everything but the breastfeeding so that mom didn’t have to get out of bed. During the day it was more 50/50.

  2. I didn’t, she had the better feel for the baby and cared for my boy in the night, i took him for long walks over the day, hours, so she can rest. (Also iam useless when woken up at night anyways)

  3. I almost always handled the night for both of our kids. My wife requires more sleep than me and I’m a light sleeper.

  4. I was up most times the baby was at first. No circadian rhythm at first and he didn’t want to latch so I was either keeping my wife sane with that or making a bottle. We felt like zombies the first month. Now he’s settled down and I’m back at work.

    These days I take the 3am shift with a bottle and she gets up to breastfeed around 5-6.

  6. It really depended. At the weekends and on vacation, quite a lot. During work time, when my wife wasn’t working, much less.

    My wife didn’t express well and found it a chore. So it only really worked when we made the decision to supplment breast milk with formula.

  7. I would be the ‘ first responder’ to pick them up and see if it was an issue I could deal with. Check diapers, walk, sing, etc. If they needed milk I would bring them to her to breastfeed

  8. I did most of the overnight feedings and diaper changes. My wife insists that once she’s up, she can’t get back to sleep?

  9. A lot. Nights were tricky as he was breast fed, so my wife certainly had the worse of that part. But did as close to 50% as possible.

  10. As much as I could. Our son was extremely demanding and neither of us took immediately to being parents. It was tough. But we each saw how much the other was struggling and did what we could to help the other.

  12. If you’re new to Fatherhood, join us all at r/daddit!

    As for helping – we swapped nights. One night she’d do the feeds/changes one night I’d do it.

    Otherwise, I was probably more involved with childrearing post-maternity leave because my wife worked between 80-100 hours a week.

  14. Majority of the time in the day I would say. Probably about half in the night. Have pretty strong father instincts though

  15. I was first up every time for 4 years or more until her surgery. My young wife had two severely ruptured disks when my second child was born and she cared for them during the day. When i got home from work she took pain meds and went to bed. I was the primary caretaker for her and the kids. It’s probably why i have such a tight bond with my kids to this day. I functioned on little to no sleep but managed to be a loving and supportive father through it all. I’m most proud of that part of my life and I’m glad we made it through

  16. First, I cared for my child, I didn’t “help” caring for my child

    Second, when she was an infant, my wife and I took turns with our daughter. I had one night and she had the next. Luckily our daughter started sleeping through the evening fairly early on, but the one on one off seemed to work well enough so we could get some sleep

  18. I did most of the middle-of-the-night stuff.
    My kids’ mom is next to useless when she doesn’t get enough sleep, but I can get by with just a few hours a night.

    Everyone has different needs and abilities.

  19. So when my kids were born I suffered from insomnia so I bonded with my kids at night all the time.

  20. I didn’t help it was my job as a father and husband so I just did what I was supposed to do I took care of our children

  21. I did what everyone else should do if I was there and they needed something I did what a DAD is supposed to do take care of his child

  22. My wife breastfed so that wasn’t something I could help with. I dealt with most of the diapers at night and on nights where our kids were just awake a lot we’d take shifts. She’d deal with them until 2 or 3 in the morning and then I’d get up and deal with them until 7 or 8 so she could get some sleep.

  23. I worked nights so I wasn’t much help when not tjere, but when I was, I was the main nighttime caregiver. She needed sleep, and I was already used to being up all night.

  24. With both my kids, mom had trouble with milk production so I was up at least 50% of the time with the babies. Plus, I’m a much lighter sleeper so I was going to be awake either way I might as well just do the feedings and diaper changes.

  25. I was the only one working when my kids were born so my wife and I had the arrangement that if I had to work the next day she would get up and feed/diaper/whatever so I could sleep, but as soon as my off days rolled around I was “on duty” those nights.

  26. Every day. We split the night time wake ups. I can fall asleep quickly if it’s earlier in the night, so if it’s < 3am I get up, if it’s after 3am my wife gets up. When the baby was really little, I would just stay up with the baby til 2am, doing the 8pm, 10pm, 12am and 2am feeds and then come to bed after that feed, wife would get up with the next feeds at 4,6,8 and 10am

    This way we both got a break and got to have a few hours of solid sleep. It’s critical IMO

  28. Generally we’d alternate nights when they were really young, or the person with the next day off of work

  29. I’m a night person, wife a morning person. She’d go to bed early (9ish) and I’d be “on call” until 1:30am. After 1:30 she was “on call” until morning. That’s when she was pumping and I could feed them.

    New babies when she was still on maternity leave, I did the diapers, she nursed them. I’d get up and change the baby, then hand them off to her to nurse and I’d go back to bed.

  30. I’m naturally up way later than my wife so I typically took nights. At the same time, Im basically not functional in the mornings so she took those. You gotta work something out and it will look different for everyone. Just makes sure you both agree on how you’re gonna roll.

  31. My wife and I take turns I work during the week and she’s a SAHM so she gets up with her during the week and I get up with her on weekends. Otherwise as far as regular diaper changes And whatnot it’s basically whoever smells it first changes it.

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