My sister and I are not really close, she is an instagram influencer who lives as a digital nomad in Mexico, and we don’t really see eye to eye on things.
her husband and I do not get along really well either and since the arrival of their baby I’ve decided to take a step back just for my own mental health. They got married this may in Vermont and I attended the wedding with close friends and family. It was beautiful and heartwarming I felt so lucky to be there.
My dilemma is that now, they want another wedding bigger and more expensive in Mexico. They chose a location hardly accessible (Troncones) if you don’t have a car and it’s multiple planes between where i live and Mexico City.
They also said in their invitation that after the wedding the guests are invited to stay in the hotel for the week at their own expenses and own way or transportation. Our grandparents and family aren’t sure how they are going to attend either as they came to the first wedding already.
I really don’t want to go. My girlfriend also does not want to go. I’m an animator and the writer strike hit us pretty hard so money is also an issue at the moment. But we also don’t want to hurt my sister’s feelings, so my question is; how can I tell her the nicest way possible that we most likely won’t attend ?
23 comments
“I’m really sorry, we can’t afford to attend two weddings. I bet it will be beautiful, I can’t wait to see pics/videos”
Thank you so much for inviting us but unfortunately a trip like this is out of our budget at this time. I’m honoured I got to be a part of your first celebration and I hope you guys have an incredible time!
They already got married, you were there.
“Betty and I will not be able to attend the second wedding, but we send you our best wishes for a beautiful day – hope it is as special as the wedding in Vermont! Can’t wait to see the pictures!”
“Hey, your destination wedding sounds great, but it’s not going to be financially feasible for us right now. I hope you have a lovely time.” (I wouldn’t worry about hurting her feelings so much? I mean, she’s having a *2nd destination wedding*.)
RSVP: Thank you for the invite, but we are unable to attend.
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Remember invitations are NOT summons.
“I’m sorry but a trip to Mexico is not feasible for us. Especially since we already attended your Vermont wedding. I’m sure it will be a beautiful ceremony though.”
It’s not her wedding. She already got married. I suspect the “bride and groom” get free hotel rooms if enough guests book hotel rooms. She wants a free honeymoon.
You: “Sis, your trip to Mexico seems awesome but we won’t be able to join you as I am still recovering financeially from the writer’s strike. I am happy I got to see you get married in Vermont. I can’t wait to see the photos!”
Her: But it is my wedding! You have to go!
You: “You already got married in May. However, If you are willing to fund it for me and GF we would be happy to attend.”
Traveling anywhere that doesn’t have logistics that are easy to navigate sounds stressful. Come up with a good explanation for why you can’t go. Not having the ability to take the necessary time off work is a good one. I would never say something is unaffordable for me bc then if I turned around and did something else that was expensive they could talk about me to other family members. “They said they couldn’t go to my wedding but then they got a new car. So rude.”
“I’d love to go but can’t afford it. Hope you both have a great time.”
And that’s it.
Just say no. People who have destination weddings need to learn that most people won’t go. It’s like forcing an expensive vacation somewhere you don’t neccesarily want to go at a time that may not work out. You went to their real wedding your obligations are done.
They’re already married, so this isn’t a wedding. It’s a party in another country. Just tell them you can’t attend.
Even if this was their first and only wedding you are not obligated to go into debt to attend. The risk you run when you plan an event in another country is that not everyone will be there. I’ve got my cynical hat on but I feel like this 2nd wedding is more for her online presence than a real celebration with family.
Tell her, you were at her 1st wedding and can’t afford her 2nd wedding.
You do not need to attend a wedding when you already did one for the couple.
The truth. You can’t afford it. Tell her you’d love to go, but can’t at the moment. Who knows? She might give you the $ to attend, if she’s so well off.
Just tell her you can’t afford it, plain and simple. It’s got nothing to do with her, it’s just a financial thing.
It’s called a wedding invitation and not a subpoena demanding you appear.
You went to the actual wedding and as you noted this is just a more elaborate production possibly to boost her influencer status.
I’m going to guess that at least some portion of this pseudo wedding may be covered depending on how many people attend.
So RSVP no and tell her you hope they have a wonderful time.
If she is so crass as to complain you aren’t attending then go very LC and live your life.
I would just say it doesn’t work for you to come. It’s costly and takes you away. But you appreciate the offer.
Saying that you can’t afford it might make her offer to pay for you. Then, the real reason (you don’t want to go, which is absolutely justified here,) will come out. Your job will be your salvation; since you were hit by a strike, and assumedly need to be home and doing work, just say that your job won’t allow you to swing a trip at this time. No lie; no foul. And you don’t have to bare financial facts to them; they don’t need to know whether or not you can afford it.
Say this… hey, I’m not coming to your wedding because 1. I can’t afford it. 2 I’ve already been to your wedding… 3 I don’t like you or your stupid husband.
Honestly I’d would tell her that the two of you can’t afford it and that you also can’t afford to take the time off from work. That way if anyone were to offer to pay, you already have a reason as to why that wouldn’t work either.
Tell her you wish her a happy day and can’t wait to see the beautiful pictures.
This is what I’d do if I was being polite .
What I’d say if I didn’t give a shit (while still being polite) is …..
You already got married and had a beautiful wedding. I don’t have money to blow to go to a wedding that already happened.
Why have everyone waste time and money. Just go have fun with your new husband.
“Digital nomad”
Just send your sister a link to this post. Tell her you appreciate the invite, but you cannot afford to attend.
I can’t afford it, I wish I could make it. Congratulations, I’m so happy for your happiness. Can’t wait to see the pics!