I (28F) have been seeing a guy (30M) now for about a month. We have been out on 2 dates so far, but a week and a half has gone by and he hasn’t asked me to go out again (despite daily texting). He asked me out on both of our dates, so I figured I’d ask him on the third one so he could see I was interested too. I asked if he was available Saturday or Sunday to go out. He said he was out of town during those days, and he didn’t offer another time for us to hang out.
So I just assumed that he was no longer interested in me and left it at that. In the past when I’ve asked dates out and they rejected me, they would just stop texting me altogether after I asked them. But, he’s continuing to text me and initiate conversations. He even wished me good luck for a job interview I had today.
I’m honestly super confused. I understand that actions speak louder than words, and if he really wanted to see me again he’d ask me out, but he is still texting me daily. I thought about ghosting him completely but I really don’t like ghosting people. I just don’t think it’s right once you’ve already met up with someone. Plus I’d like to close the loop on this situation. I’m not really sure what to say to him, but I’m not interested in texting back and forth endlessly if we are never going to go out again. I’m not looking for a texting buddy. We are both looking for a relationship and communicated this to each other.
Should I just ghost him? Or should I send a message asking what’s up? Any suggestions for how I could phrase it?
Idk how much/if this matters but I should also mention that we both have ADHD and are on the spectrum.
13 comments
I’d just be up front. Say something like “I’ve enjoyed out dates and would like to go out again if you are still interested in dating?”
Date other dudes
“Hey, we had fun, why aren’t you asking me out again?”
Just try being direct.
It sounds like there are two different communication styles that are conflicting. If he’s keeping up with you daily, IMO there is interest. Especially if the messages don’t have long gaps in between. The fact he hasn’t followed up might be because he knows he’s busy and just is poor at communicating it (which clearly would probably change your opinion on all of this.)
I would follow up and ask him playfully when your next date will be. Key is to be playful about it, not demanding or insecure. Depending on how he responds will say a lot.
“I understand that actions speak louder than words, and if he really wanted to see me again he’d ask me out”
So you’re not confused, you just don’t like that this is the condition state he’s in.
But, he is. He’s not making the effort, and when you’re into someone you do.
Move on, ignore the texting…he’s bored, non-committal, you’re a backburner, or whatever….but his actions are saying “not a priority” loud and clear.
Why don’t you ask him out
You can ask him when he’s back in town and plan a date. Since he’s out of town, I wouldn’t really count that as rejection. Yes, he should of offered a better time to meet up but most dudes are communication goobers
Waiting for that paycheck. We be struggling out here trying to date! $_$
Sounds like he’s waiting to see if another situation materializes. I would date other people.
Honestly, to me it looks like he’s just doing the bare minimum to keep you around so that he has options.
Guys don’t just text women daily if they aren’t interested in them…
I would much rather see you in person than text. How do you feel about that?
Slow down your texting