I have FOMO over not having sex like everybody else

7 comments

1. Good for you! I think it’s very admirable. And no you shouldn’t have sex with a stranger just for the sake of just having sex, unless that’s exactly what you want to do. Virginity until marriage is the road less traveled, but your instinct to wait until sex is within the context of a loving caring relationship is 100% justified.

2. Sex is not something you do for social approval, it’s something you do to feel good. It’s also not some sort of ritual you have to pass in order to be considered normal. It’s also something that you can do at virtually any stage in life, there’s no closing window of time to chase.

   If you have bad sex that makes you feel bad just so you can tell people that you’ve had sex, that would be a really big L for basically no benefit that I can see. If anything, refusing to do it until the conditions that make it good for you are satisfied makes you a boss, not a loser.

   It’s fine, you’re fine, don’t let other people tell you what you want and how you want it because you’re the expert on that

3. Do you have any single friends that you trust?

   If not, go out, make connections. Cut people as soon as they don’t vibe. Be friendly, talk and make the connection. If you don’t feel it move on.

   I felt like I waited forever at 22/23. I wanted someone I connected with. We broke up right afterwards. Definitely made me feel like I waited for no reason.

   Also, feels like never wanting to eat dessert before eating your wedding cake. Your missing a lot of interesting desserts. And you could also end up being one the people who hates all desserts. So you’re wanting for something you won’t even enjoy.

4. My ex gf had never had sex until she and I started dating. We were about your age. It’s no biggie – don’t stress about it. Wait until you’re ready.

5. I get it, same here (except 29M). Similar situation want a connection but also just don’t really meet people, also as a man not attractive enough for casual sex. The shame is very real, feel like a failure. The only thing that’s helped at all is removing expectations, I expected to find someone much earlier but that just didn’t happen and it’s the expectations you are putting on yourself that hurt the most (aside from the loneliness).

6. It sounds like you know what you want and need, and are doing what is right for you, which is great.

   The only thing is to stop worrying so much about what everyone else is doing.

   There are lots of people out there who have had sex they didn’t want. There are many who are doing this on a regular basis. There are people with partners who want to have more sex than they actually get. There are many people having sex that is different from the sex they want.

   Whereas you are having the exact right level of sex for your situation, which is much better than most of those cases.

7. I’m going to put this simply, as a man, when I lost my virginity I thought, “that was it?” I wanted to do it, she wasn’t that into it. I honestly think that if I waited for someone who would have legitimately been into it, it would have been a lot better.

   I also had sex with her another time where I had stronger feelings towards her and she was more into it. It was the difference between night and day. A lot better.

   Therefore, I would recommend doing what you’re already doing, wait until you have an emotional connection with someone where you feel safe. Some people enjoy sex for sex, others need an emotional connection. You already know you want an emotional connection with whoever you first have sex with, so stick to it.

   My opinion is having the emotional connection and your partner being into it and caring about you will make it more of a positive experience.