I (31F) will always encounter mean girls everywhere I go. I know I’m not the only one. Cliques and means girls are everywhere. One cannot really avoid them. I wanna know how people deal with mean girls at work or in college. As I get older, I do my best to avoid a group of mean girls.
I used to want to fit in with mean girls because I used to think they are “cool.” Not gonna lie, I had wanted mean girls to like me. It does not make sense but I feel like I am stuck in high school whenever they are around.
26 comments
Carry a couple of alka-seltzer in your purse. When they start messing with you, put them in your mouth, drop to the floor, and fake a seizure. While you’re seizing, draw a hard blank stare at the ring leader. That ought to shut them down. If this happens at work, tell HR your seizure was brought about by the stress caused by these mean girls’ behavior and the hostile work environment they’ve created. Or if you’re like me, just beat the dog out of them in a parking lot when they are alone. Seriously, scrub the asphalt with their pretty little faces.
[deleted]
TBH I keep mean girls at arms length, some groups have tried to befriend me, some have tried to make me a target, ultimately just don’t give them the satisfaction of much of a reaction either way, they get bored and quickly find someone who will feed their need for drama soon enough.
If they are causing *real* issues save proof and take their ass to HR. But usually they just do stupid shit like snarky comments at the sweet old grandma coworker whose microwaved lunch smells like dog food or something.
Google “grey rock method of communication”
Out mean them?
Also happy national mean girls day.
The function of this behavior is power. They intimidate and try to subjugate.
Appealing to their hearts is only effective when done strongly enough, so it is not recommended.
Unless they pose an active threat to you, go around them. If they pose an active threat, they’ll try to lure you into a game by forcing you to respond to something.
This is what bullies and tyrants do, they try to lure you into their game. The response is thus to step out of the game (stepping out of the frame is how psychologists call it).
You can do this for example by calling it out “You’re trying to play a dominance game with me, I’m leaving”. You can also just leave and tell HR or your boss or keep a diary and dox them. Sometimes power only listens to power, mostly it erodes itself due to maturation of the self.
One thing I like to do is mutter things when people think I don’t know they can hear me: “What is this, high school? Power plays by a bunch of children in adult bodies. They should all go to therapy, pathetic. True power comes from kindness and humility, I should know, having been a CEO and manager all my damn life, these shits never make it higher than floor manager…”. But then, I can pull the eccentric card.
Note: Being nice won’t help (fawn response), because they want to remain in power and your niceness is dependent on their intimidation so they won’t stop.
I usually avoid them at all costs. I can spot them by the way they dress.
If they are caked in makeup, I avoid them. If they’re dressed like they’re going to a photo shoot, I don’t even bother speaking to them.
I know it sounds petty, but it’s usually a sign that they are obsessed with the way they look. Vanity is the tell tale sign of every mean girl.
Only speak to them when absolutely necessary. Otherwise, stone wall. They’ll think you’re stuck up, but who cares what they think.
Consider the idea your nervous system has been trained into a reactive state toward them, where if their behavioral qualities are there then your reaction will activate. Possibly into a sort of fawn responce (trying to get them to like you), to try and not be attacked by them. Retraining your nervous system takes time and practice – it’s a bit like if someone has a phobia of snakes and does exposure therapy to slowly retrain themselves to just ignore it, the vipers are toothless.
Idk how you keep running into them? Maybe they are attracted to people they can use?
I’ve always used the “Ohkay” response when they try to be rude
“Imma ruin your life”
“Alright”
Makes them made, after that I don’t respond to anything they say. It’ll make them madder but after a while they will get bored and move on.
Deff question what spaces your in.
My best advice is to develop a lot of really good comebacks. My woman is a quiet person who can out mean girl the worst of them, and her “meangirlesque” comebacks always impress the shit out of me. I know they’re not all just off the cuff 😂 Always polite but they just flip the script so perfectly. Don’t be afraid to snap back if you can dunk on them in a poised and dignified way. Just never show any weakness. Sometimes just laughing at them and saying “that’s so cute” or something works. Just imagine them like a child trying to insult you or a chihuahua trying to intimidate you and laugh at how dumb it is.
You’ve gotten good advice already, so I’m just gonna point out the funny coincidence that you posted this on October 3rd. Googling “October 3rd mean girls” will explain why that’s funny if you don’t get why
Are you 31 or 13?
At work,I basically had a bully coworker.
I ended writing down everything she said to me and complained to the manager about it.
It got to the point that I threatened to leave my job because she was being such a bitch.
“I’m glad they’re not responsible for my happiness.”
I feel like you just have to give them the same attitude back. Act disinterested, be courteous and don’t give them any attention.
If they look at you, maintain eye contact, blank stare, give yourself plenty of time to think. If they stare back, raise a single eyebrow. You will see how they crumble.
Honestly, you just to set boundaries or put them in their place whenever they try to get smart or mean with you ! Gentle but firm is usually the remedy for assholes & mean girls.
I’m sorry but this reads really pathetic.
Like you are in your 30’s why do you even care about things like this still??
I never tolerated their shitty behavior, but I’ve had kind of a lonely life until I got much older. When I called out mean girls in my teens and 20s and held them accountable for their cruelty to other girls they were able to make me the booger and turn friend groups against me. I’m proud of the choices I made though. 100% worth it. I would rather be alone than allow anyone to be disrespectful to me or cruel to those around me. I now am a lot older and have a few very good friendships with women and I didn’t compromise my principles and values.
Sad to watch as a guy. I saw it a lot in middle school, it was always very awkward and unassary. If it makes your feel any better, in a dudes world, often when theyre being bullied its also physical on top of the verbal abuse and the disrespect. I would just not pay it attention but ofc, i understand that is much easier said than done especially if theyre resilient. Wish you the best though.
They aren’t powerful or cool, deconstruct that first…. The girls who are mean to me are going through a lot, they have depression, they’ve been raped, they were beat by their parents, etc. so lashing out and deflecting their insecurities gives them a sense of power. It’s not real lol they are threatened by you so have to tear u down. and anyone genuinely buying it is ignorant
When I had mean girl friends I knew what they were doing and lost respect for them, but was too scared to call them out or be a buzzkill. I know when I’ve been mean to people as a kid I was insecure and trying to fit in, or I was jealous of their shine. Just ignore them and don’t feed the troll. Call them out politely if you can, tell them to be more confident in themselves or that they’re not being very nice, easier said that done. Healthy kind people attract healthy kind people
I’m so hostile to mean girls they rarely try to get me to join in. When they get gossipy I start to hiss and bare teeth. Anytime they try to engage talking about pop culture I act as if it’s completely foreign. “I don’t follow Swift, I listen to death metal. Hail Satan.” I answer “nope” before they finish the question or just walk away from them mid sentence.
Smile and wave
First off why are there so many mean girls in nursing school. I went through the same thing. They were all incredibly smart as well and always finished their exams first. Didn’t invite me to study sessions with them. Really sad that they picked a profession that requires you to have empathy.
I have the same problem though. I feel that I’m the go to “let’s pick on her and drag her name through the mud” girl in these dynamics. It’s just because I don’t play along with toxic bullshit. Standing up for yourself to these kinds of people does absolutely nothing.
Ignoring them completely is the way to go.
Just try to remember it’s nothing to do with you being a person that’s unworthy of them. They are unworthy of you.
Ignore them