I’m 28F and I’ve never really been much of a dater. I honestly never even had really close guy friends (that were straight). My only relationship was in 2017 and was 6 months long – I’ve been single ever since. Whenever I talk to men on dating apps and they ask how long I’ve been single, I always contemplate either lying or just being vague (saying something like “a while”). The one time I did tell the truth I got the reply of “that’s a long time (insert embarrassed emoji face)” and I felt the immediate judgment, which didn’t feel great. Almost like I was being looked down on. So my question is does someone’s long term singleness affect whether or not you want to date them?
35 comments
Not for me. Just how attractive I find them.
Keep doing you and what feels right for you. It’s not the worlds job to judge you on what relationships you’ve had. I know the feeling I am 35 and single with no children. I hear when are you gonna settle down and do you want children? Maybe when I meet Mr Right!
Absolutely not! Dating app can make any woman give up on dating.
It would not be a problem at all for me personally
That has nothing to do with anything
*Why* matters more, and *how long* only matters if she legit just got out of something serious.
As someone who’s been a part of codependent relationships, it’s nice to find someone that is in no rush to date and can find their own happiness.
Not a turn off at all. Just haven’t found the right one yet. That’s perfectly fine
Nahhh just means she takes it more seriously.
No. Just say you were focusing on other things (job, family, career, travel, etc) during that time
I know people in horrible relationships & good ones, and I know single people who love it & dread it.
I’m not a dater but I enjoy meeting people without attaching a label.
That person sounds judgemental, but texting can come off differently.
It’s not if you were focused on other things.
Being single long term is the opposite of a turn off.
Social skills and relationship skills can decline without practice. I say focus on your best physical health first. Then consider your social skills and then your relationship skills. Good Luck!
a turn on if anything, just be hot
I would rather date an independent woman that rarely dates vs one that needs constant validation and chain smokes dates, ya know? slow and steady wins the race.
I’d prefer it. I don’t want a woman who jumps from one relationship to another, I want someone who finds value in themselves without needing a partner.
I don’t think so life happens
Nope, its much more of a turn off to see women in miserable relationships forever talking about their do nothing boyfriends.
No. Means you have your head cleared from the past instead of those that hop back in too soon and blame new people for the past.
Ummm personally no but I had my first relationship at 29 (I’m a guy) and having no dating experience was a turn off to a lot of women – I think they would consider that something was wrong with me, I mean they aren’t wrong I’m not socially attractive and have an absolutely shit personality to match but still! Anyway I would probably avoid the question over messaging but in person be honest if they ask – being vague is fine too I just wouldn’t lie about it. Might be a turn off to some but not to others.
No. Absolutely not. And if a man says it is, do not date him. He’s immature and judgmental.
The way I see it is that shit happens and people are victims of circumstance. There’s millions good and valid reasons for people to be single for long stretches of time. I don’t judge and I really don’t care much at all. It’s not an accurate indicator of any kind of flaws in and of itself. You can’t just take one piece of information in isolation and draw conclusions from it. You have to see the whole picture, you have to know the whole person.
If you see smoke, it’s not always a dumpster fire. Sometimes it’s just a barbecue.
I’m 42 female and single for nearly 9 years now!
I think that it actually weeds out men who are not serious.
I’ve been asked and been truthful. Then been asked “when was the last time you had a snog” 🤢🤢🤢
Or “when was the last man you had” etc etc
They then go cold because they realise I won’t be played or that I’m not codependent. A manipulator won’t want to waste his time and will seek out ‘lower hanging fruit’
It can be viewed as ‘gee, no one wants to date this girl, I wonder why everyone passes on her’ OR ‘gee, this girl sure is selective, at least I know she hasn’t dated half the town’. I imagine a lot of guys would think you are not desirable. Tough nuts for them.
Can’t speak for all guys, but not for me.
Personally, no. I tend to go through long stretches of singleness myself (whether I’m dating around or not), so who am I to judge?
Nope. It will never be a turn off for me. Part of this is because I’m 27 and in the same situation as you.
I don’t believe in the whole “having dating experience means you will be a quality partner”. If this was the case, then relationships between many experienced people wouldn’t end in a disaster. They should know how to navigate situations to improve the relationship better than an inexperienced one. I’m only saying this based off the ideas people say about lack of experience.
Whatever it is that people don’t like about people with little to no experience might be because of stereotypes. Lots of people, especially guys who are in your position are told to straight up lie. Lots of folks will lose confidence from judgment as well and turn away from dating.
The whole “everyone has their own timeline” is dumb to me as well. Some people will say this stuff until they meet someone like you and they start singing a different tune.
This is just my take on this type of issue people like you are facing. Peace.
I’m gonna go against the grain here a bit: I don’t think it’s a turn off or a red flag. However, the skeptical part of me would wonder if there is something I am not seeing about her that could be a potential negative.
The skeptical part of me would ask poignant questions to figure out why exactly she has been single that long because in my mind, good women get scooped up pretty quickly.
Example: dated a woman briefly whose previous man died so it makes sense that she hadn’t dated in 6 years cause she went through a tragic situation. Went on a date with another woman who hadn’t dated in 7 yrs but her reasoning was vague and alarming (essentially nobody was good enough or something like that). Not judging you, just offering my perspective
Ive been single 5+ years now, don’t really care to date and don’t care if anyone finds it off putting! I’ve had the same messages when they say that’s a long time 😱 – don’t get why it’s so shocking for people to stay single nowadays lol!
Not at all…
It’s actually more attractive for her to work on herself for a time.
As long as she’s ready for something long term now.
AFAIK, we’ve had folks in their 40s and even 50s, who haven’t dated in a long time. For decades! You should be fine.
I myself have done very little dating because I just didn’t want to deal with that bs. Sure, I could’ve tried harder, but I was happier then not worrying about it. In your case, while dating is a skill, much of that just teaches you how to say and do the right things, which may not lead to compatiblity anyways.
Nope. Probably means you’ve got your shit together.
As a 36-year-old girl who has been single for a few years now, I’m in the same boat as you. Similar to me, you’re not single because you’re incapable of finding someone. You’re just not much of a dater, which is fine. A real man will look at what you bring to the table instead of dismissing you for lack of dating experience.
Nope not a problem for me. I think it would be more of a problem if a woman is always dating.
Absolutely not, was having this conversation with one of my mates yesterday saying dating women who have been single for awhile know what they want way more, more in tune and know themselves as a person a lot more.
Plus you’re much more independent and generally respect and set much better boundaries and are better at communicating 🙂
No I think the opposite is a turn off. The people who “can’t” be single for long periods of time because they are so dependent on someone else to make them happy and or help them live. 🤷🏽♂️