In my culture there’s a lot of social pressure to get married and have kids. Marriage is fine but I personally don’t really feel interested in having kids.
– How old are you? Single or married?
– Do you ever feel lonely?
– Do you ever regret the decision? / Would you ever reconsider?
– I’m sure being child free means a lot of free time. How do you spend that time?
39 comments
37, wife is 34. Both voluntarily childfree. Honestly, our life is great. We pretty much do what we want, when we want. Outside of work hours we essentially have complete freedom. We travel abroad for 4-6 weeks every year or two. Financially comfortable and low stress.
In terms of regret, ask me in 50 years. I don’t think I will. I have no primal urge to spread my genes. I’ve got some cool nieces and nephews who I get to be the cool uncle for.
33 and single. No I don’t feel a need to have kids. I just make plans on the fly relax for hours just watching TV or playing games go out to eat when I want. I can be the fun uncle but when I hang out with my friends that have kids I see them freak out be loud not listen and I’m happy I can just leave or ignore it if I want lol
I’m 40. It’s awesome. I spend my free time doing hobbies and relaxing without ever being interrupted by children. No regrets.
* 41, single, never tried to get into any kind of relationship
* Yes I get lonely, but I also have been subjected to years of verbal and mental abuse, violence, sexual abuse, death threats, bullying and sabotage at the hands of my fellow human beings (mostly men) which has convinced me that most American men are predatory assholes and so I neither have nor have I ever wanted friends or companionship of any kind, I may be alone and lonely but at least I’m safe(r).
* No and no (I’m too old now anyway)
* Eat, sleep and burn myself out at a job for which I have little love, but I do because I don’t want to be homeless or starving to death. I also rant about how much I hate myself, the government, and society.
I’m 41. I have zero regrets at all. Every time my friends talk about how wonderful it is to have kids, it just sounds like losing your energy, sleep, freedom, and money to me. I can get all my own fulfillment that others get from having kids by being a mentor, a friend, a teacher, and an uncle.
I mean, I didn’t even like being a kid when I was a kid, and I didn’t like other kids. The bullying, the stress, the lack of freedom, the condescending attitude older people had towards you, the forced socialization, the forced sports and hobbies. I’m so happy I’m no longer a kid, it’s fantastic.
Now I hang out with whom I want to, do what I want, sleep when I want, live where I want. I get to play D&D every weekend, hit the gym in the morning, cook my own meals, and go to festivals whenever I want. I once just went on a vacation to Japan, and I literally decided to do it the night before because I had that freedom.
I only work part-time because I don’t need to take care of other people. And if that sounds selfish, I’m not. I’m the first person to volunteer to help others because I’m the one with free time. My life is absolutely stress free and fantastic. Heck, once I was bored with a job, so I quit it and moved to another country and restarted my life. It was awesome. I could do it again tomorrow if I wanted.
The only thing that is difficult is dating, since a lot of women want kids. But that just means I need to be upfront about being childfree. Childfree women tend to be more like me than women who want children anyway, so it’s win-win. And if I don’t meet anyone, my life is already pretty awesome, so dating would just be a bonus.
Best decision I ever made. 30sM. Free time to do what I want and not having to put my plans on the sideline for 18-25 years. Great life with my wife and we travel all over the world.
I don’t expect to regret it but I will say that society looks down upon couples that don’t have kids based on my interactions. It’s sort of a “What’s wrong with you for not wanting kids?” If you’re okay with your decision then you’ll be fine.
My weekends are my own, my sister is trying to involve me into raising her child and people continually ask me when I’m going to find a girlfriend. I usually shut them up by saying that no woman ever wants me and by acting all depressed. Makes the moment awkward and makes them move on.
27, happily childfree, purposefully unmarried, 8 years in relationship, life is good, I would never want to change it
Sure, there are people that want to influence me to marry or pass genes, but I phase them out of my life, and welcome them back when they stop nagging
42. I have plenty going on to keep me busy. I may be in the minority here but I do worry that I’ll regret the decision when I get older. I’m enjoying it now but who knows how I will feel 20 years from now.
‘Chose’ is a bit of a strong word. It’s kind of just worked out that way, because I’ve never been good enough to attract a quality partner for the long-term.
That said, you cope.
You fill your time as best you can, you keep in touch with your friends, you do your hobbies. But once you hit your late 30s, you start to realize that it’s just a cope. The people you do your hobbies with get younger and younger, you start to see more marriages, your married friends start having families, and the other single people you meet get stranger and stranger.
Once you realize you’ve missed the boat on having kids, and the window is closed, you really start grieving for what might have been, and get a little bit scared about what’s going to happen if you have a heart attack, or break an arm, or die suddenly or whatever, and who’s going to find your body and how your friends will find out.
It’s great in your 20s and 30s to be ruthlessly child-free, but if you end up single in your 40s, it’s not as great.
37 here, life is awesome. I’ve got plenty of friends and an amazing gal, just got back from a trip around the world. Money situation is fine, health is great. I sleep when I want, my life is full of peace. Zero regret.
I’m almost 40 now and gave up a few good relationships because I wasn’t sure if I wanted children while they did. In the last 5 years things changed quite a bit. Everyone around me started settling down and having families. But what really hit home was when my brother had a kid, and I spent some time with them. Something inside me clicked and I just can’t shake it. And now I’m starting to regret not having children sooner because let’s say I meet the love of my life tomorrow, by the time the kid is 20, I’ll be in my sixties. That’s seems very unfair for the child. But what am I going to do, ignore my desire for a family knowing that I probably have **another** 40 years ahead of me to REALLY regret it? There are days when it actually physically hurts to think about. What would that be like in another 10, 20, 30, 40 years? The thought of ending up alone and childless fills me with dread. Especially after seeing the joy my grandparents got out of all their grandkids.
A few years back I did some real thinking and came to the conclusion that contrary to what I was absolutely convinced of in my late 20’s, I now dream of having a house and family. And I really wish I realized this sooner. But I’ve always been a late bloomer.
But that means I’m going to have to get back into dating pretty soon and life doesn’t always allow for the best timing …
I’ve been focussed so much on work and career for all my life and now none of that really means anything to me. It’s crazy how much your views can change over time. And then you find yourself wondering if you really sacrificed a happier life for goals that were never really even your own. That’s a pretty shitty realization to have when you’re almost 40 …
Sure, men can have children well into their 50’s, but the chances of having birth defects increase exponentially with age.
If I could go back in time, I would try harder to make some of those relationships work. I was just so damn immature and focussed on work all the time.
* 46
* If I ever feel lonely, it’s not because I don’t have kids
* I *never* regret my decision not to have kids. I consider it one of the best choices I’ve ever made. I rarely consciously think about it, but when I do, I thank my lucky stars that I figured out before it was too late that a childfree life is right for me.
* Whatever I want, all the time.
I’m 41, and my wife is about to turn 34. We’re child-free by choice and neither of us expect that to change.
It’s amazing. Absolutely no regrets about it. Honestly cannot imagine having to parent on a daily basis.
I’ve got nothing but free time. I exercise, read a lot, play videogames, I do a bit of woodworking, we go on vacation quite a bit.
Loneliness isn’t something I’ve ever really been impacted by. I’m just as content being by myself as I am in the company of family and friends.
I’m 30.
Sometimes, but friends help.
Hell no. I look at the experiences my brother has to go through on a daily basis and I would never want that for myself or any spouse. Plus, while I LOVE my nephews, when I look into their eyes all I see is the very dismal future we, and those before us, have laid out for them.
Hobbies, hanging with friends. Hanging with friends doing those hobbies. Last year alone, I got into a social group that has more than tripled my social circle, I got into smoking, I got into woodburning, I started picking up the harmonica, a few other things
My wife and I decided not to since we’d rather use all the money and time we save into ourselves. Vacations, nice homes, quiet weekend mornings, and more freedom than we know what to do with. It’s not that we’ve got a list of items we must spend money on since we’re childfree, we just have the flexibility and choice to do whatever we want at a moments notice.
I’m 36 and I’ve decided to focus on my career…I fucked around in my 20s and found out in my 30s lol I didn’t settle on one direction/career and jumped around a lot, partied too much, and waste time…I met a woman that I thought I’d marry at 27 and she cheated on me at 32 which led to me ending things and having to re-build my life
That being said I’m on a very positive trajectory now and over the next 2-3 years I fully expect to double or even triple my salary…essentially I spend most of my free time taking online courses to make me more valuable in the job market and to eventually allow me to make my “side hustle” my full-time entrepreneurial gig…I figure that if I’m not going to have a family then I might as well make it a goal to become a millionaire lol
Who knows what the future will bring, I’d love to meet a woman and perhaps start a family in the future but I have 4 awesome nieces and nephews, and honestly, I really enjoy the freedom I have…
Do I regret any of it? I have my moments when I think “what if” but what’s the point of looking back and dwelling on things? everything I’ve gone through has made me the man I am today, it’s made me wise, it’s given me experience, and quite honestly I feel I’m a much more well-rounded man than 90% of men out there because of all the life experience I have
Do I get lonely? Yup, sometimes, it would be wonderful to meet a woman who I could share life with and build something meaningful…what’s the saying “happiness is only real when shared” I think there’s a lot of truth to that BUT it doesn’t consume me and generally I’m pretty content
I also believe that a lot of men romanticize relationships and women, maybe I’m a bit jaded and cold but I don’t believe in “soul mates” or that a woman’s love is unconditional… I believe that women are built differently and their love is very much conditional, it’s conditional upon the fact that you keep it together as a man, and that if you slip up for too long they will leave you, cheat, or at very least they will become resentful and become a drag on your life…life isn’t a movie, all woman are “hypergamous” to a certain extent, and although they might love you, that love comes with certain conditions that must be met and maintained…that’s the cold hard truth of love and marriage
36, no my wife, family and friends are my life, maybe when I’m older but not right now, yep lots of free time outside work and usual chores. I like gaming, fitness, hiking, cinema, board games
33, married, no, no if I did reconsider we may foster children, I do whatever I want with my expendable income
– 42, single
– No
– No
– Travel, surf, workout
50 divorced, no kids – plenty of people (my parents included) are very lonely with kids and even being married!
Society is nothing more then social norms.
At 50 i dont need to work and love my life – doubt that would be the case if kids had popped out.
31, single
Sometimes I feel lonely, but never alone
Never, I love my freedom. Whenever I am at a friends place who has kids I leave relieved I don’t have any.
I am a triathlete, so workout 8-12 hrs a week, napping, gaming, meeting up with friends, visiting my local footbal (soccer)club.
The only thing left to do is getting a vasectomy.
U should ask the other way around in r/regretfulparents
one word FREEDOMMMM
62. Single. Yes. No. No. The same as anybody does.
37, unmarried and childless.
I don’t miss having someone in my life or having children. I have two awesome nephews that I spoil and have fun with, but that’s about it. It’s unlikely that I will ever marry or have children of my own. I am too old and too bald and too broke to even consider making such a decision. Even if someone walks into my life,my only conditions would no children otherwise it ain’t happening.
38, partner is 29, both chosen childfree. Not married, I have no interest in getting god or government involved in a relationship.
No, not at all. I have a fantastic chosen family of people who mean a lot to me, most of them are not blood relations but are people I choose to have in my life.
Never regretted it for a second. I just never thought I wanted to have children. Just like I’ve never thought about eating coal or playing cricket. Great if other people want to do it, just not anything that I have an iota of interest in.
Doing anything and everything we want. Going to a toy shop to buy Lego, hosting big parties three or four times a year, taking short notice breaks and going to the seaside or a forest or on a road trip just because.
Last year I bought a convertible two-seater sporty car because why not?
I find value not in raising children, but in being a kind person, spending time with good people, travelling the world, indulging in hobbies and enjoying a beautiful house and garden that are quiet and we can stay up as late as we want, get out of bed when we want and never once have to deal with small, screaming humans.
Bliss.
>How old are you?
29.
>Single or married?
Single.
>Do you ever feel lonely?
Occasionally. But I’m happy 99% of the time.
>Do you ever regret the decision? / Would you ever reconsider?
**HELL NO!**
>How do you spend that time?
Doing whatever tf I want 😂
33, Single.
Currently going great. I do what I want, I’ve lately been on a major crafting kick, learning wood turning and pottery recently, going to get back into blacksmithing soon.
I spend my time and money however I want while keeping my necessary bills pretty low.
There are certainly lonely times, but I have setup my life such that sex isn’t too difficult to get and I have a decent social network through my rugby team.
Do I regret it? Absolutely not. I plan to get snipped soon to make sure I don’t accidentally fuck this up. Would I reconsider? If I met the perfect woman that happened to have an older kid that would only be around for a few years, I wouldn’t be entirely opposed to it, but I have absolutely zero interest in 18+ years of having to worry about someone else.
54 here. I enjoy the pastimes I like, and I also enjoy the quiet.
I am 50. I have a red Corvette, get to practice my ham radio hobby and go to events on a whim. Also: sleeping in without guilt!
Turns out I have godsons and second cousins and all kinds of kids in my family and that is enough for me!
This has been particularly relevant to me recently.
I’m 38. My ex-partner wanted to have kids, but there was always something in the background telling me I couldn’t. I tried so, so hard to change that – talked to everyone I could about parenthood, listened to audiobooks, went to therapy. But try as I might I just could not bring myself to want children.
I think maybe because I feel I’m not at a suitable mental health level to be able to look after myself properly, let alone a child.
Ultimately, this ended our relationship.
I have come to realise that I probably am not ever going to be a father. I won’t lie, I feel immense sadness around this – way more than I ever anticipated. But deep down I feel it’s the right thing to do, both for me and the potential child.
54 years old. Never married / no kids.
My childhood was pretty fucked up. I was too poor in my younger years to even consider marriage or kids. Didn’t really get my shit together until I was 36 and didn’t become really wealthy until I was in my 40s, so a little late to completely change my life with a wife and children. So by the time I could even consider marriage, I had already built a happy life being alone. I don’t really get lonely.
When ever I regret the decision, I just look at the miserable lives of all my married friends. I think they are more lonely being married than I am being alone.
I know I sound like a dick… but it’s fucking great! Don’t have to make schedules, don’t have to wake up to crying or screaming. Don’t have to worry about sex getting interrupted, no dirty diapers or puke. No saving for a kid who wants to drop out to be a v-tuber
36 single, my dog cures any lonely feelings, I don’t regret my decision due to the fact that I just can’t afford to raise a child but if I’m in a better situation financially I’d definitely reconsider. I spend my free time enjoying YouTube videos and playing around with my dog or with friends and family.
I never really met a woman who wanted children, because they all had their own children and they don’t want any more… Or some sadly just assume that I wouldn’t stay around as a father.
Peaceful
I’m 30, have maintained since childhood I didn’t want kids. And I still don’t want them tbh. I’m single, and I’m good with that. I can do what I want when I want without reporting to anyone. I’ve got 4 dogs though so maybe I’m the male equivalent to the crazy cat lady.
Married. Becoming childfree was the best decision of my life. We’ve explored 7 countries so far this year.
I have a lot of money and free time and everyone thinks I’m 10 years younger than I am