I’m American, so I apologize if this is the wrong subreddit to ask this question. Basically, I’m a college student who goes to school about 6 hours north of my hometown. Where I’m from, as a pedestrian, if a car stops for you and allows for you to cross the street, you do this little hand wave thing to say thank you. Now that I’m in New England, though, I’ve noticed that no one really does this, and maybe I’m just overthinking because of my social anxiety, but sometimes it feels like drivers look at me funny for doing it. So, is it regionally specific? I’ve noticed in general that New Englanders are pretty lax about etiquette rules (not a judgment at all, just an observation), so is this just an example of that?
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Oh you gotta give the wave! I get so mad when I let someone in or something and they don’t give me the little wave!
They joke about it in Seinfeld.
As a midwesterner. I seriously don’t care if people wave when I let them through and I don’t look for it bc I’m too busy paying attention to my next move. I wave automatically most of the time because it’s normal here, but sometimes I don’t because my hands are tied, and I don’t feel bad. I lived most of my life in a small city and now live in a big city.
Just wave. You can’t go wrong by thanking or acknowledging.
Pedestrian needs to cross a road with light traffic? I’ll stop, wave, recieve a return wave, develop a short term comrade in travel.
But if you stop traffic just to shit on the right of way, or the normal flow of traffic, we are enemies and I hope you get head lice. Like someone specifically forgoing their turn at an intersection to let another go instead, or stopping mid road when someone is waiting to merge from a side street; and holding up traffic behind them just so they can feel like they’re being “nice”.
Drivers are truly the worst people alive. Especially when they’re trying to be “nice”.
If you stop where you’re obligated to stop, I don’t. If you stop to let me cross where there isn’t a crosswalk, sure.
I grew up in New England and have done the hand wave thank you my whole life. New England drivers have definitely seen it before. I’d be surprised if anyone is looking at you funny because you’re doing it.
I’d add that it’s not that New Englanders are lax about etiquette but that what is typically considered polite public behavior is different than what you’re used to from where you grew up. I had to learn the differences in regional politeness when I moved away from New England.
>Now that I’m in New England, though, I’ve noticed that no one really does this
Are you in Boston, per chance? The dynamic between pedestrian and motorist is different in Boston than in other parts of the state. In Boston it’s more adversarial, a test of wills. Waving would just be showing weakness.
New Englander here and I always do it. And nobody ever looks at me funny. Most people give a little wave back, as in “you’re welcome.”
I always wave if I can, but if my hands are full, I do more of a head nod and a smile (though I’m usually wearing a mask nowadays, so they don’t see the smile really). I don’t drive, but my moms often do a wave when someone lets them in their lane.
Been a New Englander all my life, and waving when crossing is done almost all the time, unless you’re in a larger city. This etiquette might not apply to wealthier towns, I have noticed that folks are less likely to be polite in certain downtowns where they seem to think they’re royalty and someone driving a sub-$100K car is beneath them.
As someone on the opposite coast, it is not a regional thing and just a way to say “thank you”.
I live in the Midwest and I wave when cars stop for me at an uncontrolled crosswalk, and usually people wave at me if I stop.
It has to be just a little wave though. If you wave too much, they’re going to wonder if they know you from somewhere.
Wave and awkward jog across the street.
As a New England resident as well, I know plenty of people with basic manners that do the hand wave. You’re in good company. 😁
I live in Massachusetts literally everyone does this
No idea where in NE you are. I’m in Mass, I wave. Don’t really pay attention to what other people do.
Very normal here in New England. Maybe they look funny at you because they are funny-looking. That’s the only explanation I can think of.
Some people do it, some don’t. It’s not the default norm, but it’s not so uncommon that anyone would be weirded out by it.
That said, Massachusetts drivers (and much of New England) are notorious for being aggressive compared to many other areas. I grew up driving in eastern Massachusetts. So the lack of response to your waves is likely just cultural difference. People there are rarely going to give an enthusiastic smile/wave/acknowledgment to a stranger. It’s just not our way.
We do it here
> Now that I’m in New England, though, I’ve noticed that no one really does this, and maybe I’m just overthinking because of my social anxiety, but sometimes it feels like drivers look at me funny for doing it.
I think you’re probably overthinking it. I’m a native New Englander and do the little wave or nod of the head to acknowledge this too. I think it’s the norm even in New England rather than the exception.
It might be more about local context than region. Maybe being in a city versus smaller town?
Also could just be your campus… My memory of college is going way back now but I distinctly remember this exact same observation when I first arrived on campus. I was a bit shocked by the blasé attitudes students had about jaywalking… Everyone just ignored crosswalks even when they were conveniently located and often just walked across the fairly busy city streets completely ignoring the drivers they may have inconvenienced as if they weren’t even there. I think it was a function of our tight urban campus so we were walking everywhere and constantly having to cross busy streets to get anywhere. Usually doing so in groups all talking with each other and paying only minimal attention to anything outside our own little world. I think the tight campus gave us a weird sense of owning the local streets… The whole neighborhood was our campus and we’re just going about our business going from dorm to class to lecture hall to cafeteria… Sort of a sense that it was the cars driving through who were intruding and rude for being in our way… and just that college kids out on their own for the first time feeling their oats can be self-obsessed little shits.
At a crosswalk? It’s a legal requirement to stop.
But I stop for people all the time and I’d say about 70% of the time I get some kind of hand flick/wave.
Let a car go in front of you is NOT required and I’d say I get a wave/lights flash about 90% of the time.
But no, it’s fine. But it’s just a requirement so we don’t make a big deal about small things. Like if someone holds the door for you, it’s a little awkward to make a big deal about it – no major eye contact and thank you. Just a head nod/non-eye contact thanks is fine.
I don’t think so, we do it around LA. Also the hand wave when someone lets you merge in.
It rural not regional.
We don’t do it in the city or burbs.
Small towns and country living? Have at it.
What makes me crazy is when my husband stops for someone, then waves at them to go, like he’s shooing them along.
No, we do that here. But there is a song about how people are mean in New England so.
I think you’re overthinking it. I’m in New England, and I do the hand wave all the time.
In in New England. I wave if they’ve stopped specially for me. But if I’m at a busy crosswalk with a whole bunch of other people waiting to cross and the cars all get a stop light, no I don’t wave at all the cars in the intersection.
Regional. M a small town guy so I give the wave in small towns. In cities I find there’s more focus on right of way, necessarily, to keep things moving. Someone “letting” you cross isn’t as much a thing as “I have the right to cross so you will wait and I have no need to thank you because this is what you’re supposed to do.”
In my experience, it’s generally based on population density. No wave in bigger cities, wave in small towns. I’ve read that this difference is based on how to show respect – in small towns & some regions you show respect by engaging with a person, asking how your cashier’s day went for example, whereas in big cities you show respect by saving the person’s time, so being as efficient as possible with a cashier.
Grew up in south Texas. First time I went to northern states, I got a lot of wierd stares for waving as I crossed streets. I assumed it was northern thing
We LOVE a wave! In cars when people let you merge, on foot when they let you walk.