I know that Japan has a thing for “Honne & Tatemae” which refers to the behaviors and opinions an individual displays toward the public eye. However, there is a subtle difference:
* Honne – is about his or her true feelings and thoughts, only disclosed towards those close to them such as their family, relatives or close friends, but you do not open up about your true feelings to those outside that circle.
* Tatemae – you do not directly express how you feel or think, but keep in mind prioritizing how others feel, along with maintaining your image in the public eye, as well as going with the flow without disruptions.
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sounds like a chore
Compared to the Japanese, Americans are much less likely to do this. In fact, we have an insult called “two-faced” when people claim to hold one opinion publicly but then have a different opinion privately. For example, if I tell someone, “I think you’re doing a great job” and then in a small trusted group I say, “That person’s doing a terrible job” it would make me look bad because I was being dishonest.
That being said, I do think people can take it to an extreme in the US. Our society would be a lot better if more people would be considerate towards others and their feelings, as well as learn that their opinions aren’t the same weight as truth. We have a big problem where people get away with being unnecessarily rude and inconsiderate under the guise of “just being honest.”
A lot of Western philosophers have written about the difference between the public and the private sphere.
Unlike in East Asia though, there’s less of a cultural consensus on how they should differ.
In general, in the US, it’s a lot more acceptable to be loud, opinionated, weird, off putting, obnoxious or otherwise deviant from the norm than it is in Eastern China, Korea, and Japan.
It’s part of why, as much as I like visiting y’all, I could never live in the region.
I’m not familiar with a term like this in America, but there are certain expectations on how you behave depending on who you’re with – I would tell an inappropriate joke to my friends in a private setting that I wouldn’t tell them at a coffee shop, for example. Similarly, I wouldn’t fart during a job interview, where I would do it around my kids. I guess “self-awareness” would apply, but I don’t think it’s really the same thing.
Sort of but not really.
In my experience, people really don’t hide or pull punches unless they are trying to be diplomatic about something or if they don’t know you very well. Partly out of a sense of politeness but also due to not knowing you very well and therefore not knowing how you will react to certain news. A lot of people will just tell you how it is and only adjust the emotion behind the delivery depending on mood, context, or relation.
Such as messing up as a new co-worker, they may be polite about it. If you’ve been around just long enough to know better, it starts getting aggressive.
To some degree. Take small town rural life. When people make small talk (general greetings and conversation) a person is unlikely to share any true feelings or thoughts, especially with people you are not close to. This could be similar to “honne” were you have polite interactions with acquaintances and only open up to a close group of friends.
“Tatamae” would probably be less common, but a lot of people just prefer to “go with the flow” and not make a stink about things in public. That’s called “airing dirty laundry” – discussing or arguing with or about unpleasant or private things in front of other people.
There’s not a specific word for it and the differences aren’t usually as stark, culturally we are less reserved and more open publicly. We also don’t have a very unified concept of exactly how one should act in public so it’s harder to have a clear line like that, its mostly a bunch of small adjustments for a variety of contexts people may not even be making conciously. That said it’s not totally unheard of or anything.
A related concept is “code switching” where people will make significant changes to how they speak and present themselves for different groups and audiences.
You’ll also see things about “customer service voice” which is a pretty specific code switch and memes about accidentally speaking in front of your mom the way you do around your friends, stuff like that.
Although we don’t use the term itself, Honne is more of a thing in America in the past 10-15 years, owing to higher emotions related to politics, religion, and certain national policies. It has become unwise to volunteer your true feelings on these matters to people you do not know very well unless you are looking for an argument.
Tatamae has never been a big aspect of American culture.
I think the closest we have to “Tatamae” would be in our phrase “Pick Your Battles”. Like there are sometimes where shutting up and going along makes things easier. However it’s more from how you would have dealing with the feelings/reactions of others is more than it’s worth.
Not exactly. And in general, it’s not perceived as a good thing to say one thing publicly and another privately. Such behavior could be called “two-faced,” “talking out of both sides of your mouth,” “hypocritical,” or even “dishonest.”
That being said there is an expectation of tact or situational awareness. Especially in organizations. As an example, if I am talking about a prior boss of mine. In private, I might say “he was a jerk and I’d never work for him again.” Publicly I might state, “he could be difficult. I learned a lot working for him, but probably wouldn’t again.” But I’d never say, “he was great. I’d gladly work on his team again.”
It’s a subtle distinction. But it’s there.
i’d say that the distinction here is more
– thoughts that are not necessary to share because they would be hurtful and not helpful at all
– trusting your conversation partners to understand that not every conversation can be without even the slightest emotional inconvenience or uncomfortability, and that it makes for stronger relationships in the future to work together based on shared, honest reality
What the fuck are you talking about
I think we are much more likely to have the “Jesus please stop talking and sharing your opinion” issue. Of which I am a guilty as sin.
I think the closest analogue to this in the US might be “code switching”. It’s not exactly the same thing, but code switching refers to the way your language and mannerisms change to suit the environment that you’re in. For example the language you use and the way you behave at work vs. hanging out with your friends. Some opinions you might keep to yourself, but code switching is more about *how* you say things than *what* you say.
Kind of. Most people aren’t openly expressing their opinions on controversial topics without any prompting. But if I was asked, I’d answer honestly and openly.
Yes, it’s the same in America. The way I speak to my family (with honest opinions) inside my own home is different from how I speak to everyone else outside my home.
Of course I don’t walk up to anyone and say, “Ew, that outfit that you are wearing today is ugly!” for example. People who do that are considered to be rude.
On the other hand, Japanese will tell you right to your face that they are the superior race, and all other humans are below them. So, so much for the Japanese being * polite *.
You might not express your true thoughts and feelings freely and try to maintain an image in some circles. Like maybe you don’t tell people your religious or political views.
Maybe it is called having a professional persona, not oversharing, knowing your audience or not rocking the boat here.
Probably not as strict about it though.
Yes but no. People in the US prefer someone to be consistent with their opinions in and out of work.
However, you can simply choose to not have a opinion either. So that way you’re not lying and you’re not potentially hindering your public image.
Nobody likes someone that is two-faced lol
>Honne
Yes. There may not be a term for it but most people would keep their deepest thoughts to those they are very close to. Not so much keeping your true feelings hidden for most things, but your true feelings that are beyond surface level issues.
>Tatamae
Not so much. Unless you are in a aggressive work environment or bad social setting, I don’t see most people hiding how they feel or think.
This always confused me about places like Japan to. I’m supposed to hide how I feel to prioritize how others feel, at the expense of my own feelings. We have a “if you have nothing good to say, don’t say it” or “treat others how you want to be treated” but we certainly don’t shelter ourselves to cater to the feelings of others at our own expense.
To most Americans, this would come off as being fake or disingenuous when you act a certain way to one group of people but differently to others.
There’s differences depending on culture and context.
[My wife finds this scene from The Wire hilarious](https://youtu.be/_wyaNctPZUQ?si=1VQKMWqs60xlp4C0&t=112) because she just could never imagine this happening in her Midwest workplace. There’s a lot of emphasis on “building a sandwich” or kind of giving some constructive criticism along with some praise, not in a way to be dishonest but to kind of lessen the blow.
Of course among friends and family and your specific relationships with them, behaviors can vary widely. Some families and friends will want to bury issues deep and avoid them, some will address them openly. Some depends on the context.
There’s also just not the culture of keeping things in balance here or anything like that. You’re allowed to tell someone they fucked up, but other people are allowed to think of you as some blowhard if you do it in public.
We do not make the concepts as explicit but yes, in general, there’s an idea about what you may talk about to strangers, in polite company, etc.
It’s a pretty well known rule of thumb to avoid talking about religion, sex and politics with people with whom you’re not totally comfortable.
Idk what extent “tatamae” will lead you down but I for sure work with and meet plenty of people I don’t agree with about lots of sensitive topics. If I don’t agree with them, I won’t agree with them to make them feel good but I’ll steer topics towards where we do have common ground.
But that’s necessarily as culturally ingrained, some people are more confrontational than others. Conversely, plenty of people definitely judge others for “bringing in” inappropriate discussions. Like I chafe at talking politics in the workplace, even if I agree with someone.
It’s Tat**e**mae, btw.
In general it is considered a bad and shameful thing to hold one belief and show a different in public.
Depends on the region but that concept would seem very rude to some. In New England, for instance, that attitude just comes off as “fake” and not trustworthy. That doesn’t mean that controversial topics aren’t off limits in professional settings. They mostly are universally across the country. But it’s definitely a line.
Some people have a ‘public persona’ where they act one way in public and another way in private. In general though we value authenticity and dislike when someone isn’t who they present themselves as.
In sociology, it is referred to as dramaturgy, as posited by Gofmann. You have the “on stage” personality you use to interact with people in a public setting and a “backstage” personality that is your true feelings.
The scientific term is a persona. Not sure if there is slang for it, but these would just be two different types used in different instances.
We don’t have a specific word for it, but it falls under general societal politeness. There’s an idea of “it’s not polite to publicly discuss certain things.”
I don’t discuss religion, sex, or politics with non-friends for example. Not to spare their feelings, but simply I have no interest in getting into fights or debates on the subject with strangers. It’s a waste of time.
However, with that being said, I also do not actively *lie* about my opinions on those matters. I generally do not tell falsehoods.
We sometimes have “jerks with a heart of gold,” which refers to mean people who are actually nice.
Yeah there’s Player Character mode where I get to explore, build, and progress, then there’s Non-Player Character mode where I have to behave more politely than I normally would and adventurers come to me for supplies in exchange for the currency of the realm (these weird green paper slips that smell bad. They have the faces of former Emperor’s printed on them).