Every single time my partner and I (both 20 M) have sex he makes comments about if not makes it entirely about his degradation and weight gain kink. I like it, don’t get me wrong, but we haven’t done anything besides it in 8 months (we’ve been together 2 years) and it’s making me hate sex.
I’ve been avoiding sex recently because I know it’s going to end up entirely about him. The worst part for me is part of the kink is his “laziness” so I often end up doing all the work. He doesn’t even really try to be sexy, he usually keeps all his clothes on, and he just lies there moaning but not much else. Most of the time if I don’t happen to cum on top of him he roles over and I finish myself off on my own while he plays on his phone.
I love him in every other way but sex with him has become such an ick. I often fantasize about fucking other people who move around more and pay attention to my needs which makes me feel horrible.
I even sexted with other people anonymously just to get off to human connection that didn’t involve this fetish. The guilt I feel for that is immeasurable but I’m always considering doing it again.
I’m so torn up about this. I love him to pieces but this thing is making me absolutely resent him.
TLDR my partners fetish is ruining my image of him and making me want to cheat.
36 comments
have you talked to him bout this? you’re feelings matter too and you deserve to feel sexually satisfied as well.
as a partner he should be willing to also accommodate you and what you like. if he is aware how you’re feeling and still doesn’t change, then it’s not meant to be. but do give it the benefit of the doubt if he is not aware how you are feeling about this. talk to him and see if anything changes.
oh and also- if you are doing things he likes, he should also give you the respect of helping you finish or giving you attention after he is done instead of being on his phone.
cheating won’t make things better; and if you are thinking about that, it’s time to let the relationship go and find something that better suits you. no need to live with guilt
Break up with him! A fetish should never be 100 percent about that person *unless that’s your thing*. Good luck
Why don’t you just tell him all this directly? He’s not going to read your mind.
This sounds terrible. You’re 20? Move on. Next.
You need to tell him what you don’t like and what you want more of. Make it clear that if he isn’t at least trying to accommodate that, you won’t be accommodating him or that relationship
oh god this isn’t good
he hates you btw. this dude does not give a fuck about you. dump him!
also u don’t love him and he doesn’t love you. you’re being delusional. if you really loved him you wouldn’t cheat on him and would just break the truth to him. this isn’t gonna work
Tell him all of this. Including the fact that you sexted other people.
You gotta talk to him about it. Tell him that you need to change up your sexual encounters. If he cares about you, he’ll be receptive and want to do what he can to please you. If not, then you have a clear decision to make. Just because that’s his kink doesn’t mean that’s ALL you ever need to do whenever you two have sex. If that’s somehow the only way he can enjoy sex, then clearly there’s an incompatibility issue.
Him being a bad lover is not your fault, but you haven’t worked with him to show him what you want, either. This is on you. Your lack of communication over a lengthy period of time has escalated to a number of very poor choices. Why wouldn’t you just end the relationship before letting this all become so toxic?
At least be honest with the guy and tell him you are cheating so that he can make an informed decision for himself if *he* wants to remain in this relationship with you.
Tell him. Also being lazy isn’t a kink. It’s called being a selfish lover
Is it him that wants to be degraded ?
If yes, just don’t give him what he wants,
Or
Lean into it ,
Tell him what he should do.
“Get on your knees, *insert action*, it’s the least you could do to TRY and please me”
Gain a god complex type attitude
(Obviously consent is important so remain aware of that) but laziness isn’t really a fetish it’s just lazy.
He could just want a lack of control,
In which case consider other branches in bdsm that get you off too.
Communication is important, if you can’t or he won’t then leave because it will get bad.
Communicate for crying out loud. COMMUNICATE.
I don’t get it, his fetish is to be a slob and not put in any effort? What!? Never heard such a thing
Have you talked or tried to talk to him about this?
On the other hand, if you’re at the point your sexting other people (which I personally consider cheating) and sex with BF is giving the ick, just break up, son.
Don’t drag it out. Sit him down, lay it out. Tell him what gives you the ick, that he’s lazy and selfish in bed and that you’re done with him.
Okay that’s not a kink, that’s just him being absolutely shit and lazy in bed lol, as for the sexting other people thing, that’s not cool, you need to speak to him about it
It’s obviously your choice about whether just to end the relationship now or try talking to him to see if he’s willing and able to change his behavior first. But you are so young and shouldn’t have to put up with an incredibly dissatisfying sex life for the next n years. And since you’re used to taking care of your own orgasms yourself, why would you bother being with such a selfish lover?
Just leave. You already cheated anyway.
What did he say when you talked to him about this?
Sexting is cheating.
Either talk to him or end the relationship, but stop doing that.
My ex because like this in the end of our relationship. He had a huge foot thing and it became all about that to the point I’d avoid sex completely
If you like his fetish (as you state in your first paragraph), then start acting like it.
Maybe you’re too young to realize it, but he’s asking you to take charge, and you’re not doing a very good job of it.
>I even sexted with other people anonymously
You’ve already cheated and betrayed the relationship, so there’s no legs in sticking around anyway.
Be careful of men justifying their behaviours with « fetish »
Sex is supposed to be mutual.
It’s fine for him to have a fantasy or kink or whatever. But your fantasy matters too. What you want matters too.
It sounds like most of your sex sessions are exactly what he wants and not at all what you want. What SHOULD be happening is an approximately 50/50 mix- sometimes it’s mutual, sometimes the focus is on you, sometimes the focus is on him.
So if you’re sometimes playing the role of pleasure giver to lazy dude, then a similar amount of times he should be doing the same to you (or whatever your fantasy is).
Because if he’s ALWAYS doing the degradation thing, that sounds less like a kink and more like just being a lazy selfish lover.
break up and move on. youre too young to be dealing with this shit to fix. he’s obviously a selfish person and disregards your own needs. that kind of thing u dont teach to someone
Honey, this is just gross. You can try talking to him about it, but don’t be too dismayed when nothing changes. Just leave him and find a real man who wants to make you happy.
It’s not a fetish; they are lazy and not caring about you. It can be a major incompatibility for any couple but at your ages especially.
Talk to him about it; discuss it frankly. Tell them what you want/need and give an opportunity for them to step up.
If it doesn’t change its time to walk away. Don’t make a big thing of it either; no screaming or anything. Just put your foot down and breakup. They’ll gaslight you more than likely but you must remain strong and do this for you.
You are young and will meet so many more people to love; don’t ever feel trapped by someone. Good luck
>Every single time my partner and I (both 20 M) have sex he makes comments about if not makes it entirely about his degradation and weight gain kink.
He doesn’t have a kink. He has a fetish. These are not interchangeable and if my advice to someone who’s dating someone with a fetish is to leave if you’re not into it too.
A kink is icing on the sex cake. A fetish is the whole cake.
I also think that is is probably less a “fetish” than him just being a slob, but in that case my advice is the same and I think it’s wild you’ve accepted this for so long.
Communication, not cheating, is what makes this move forward. If you cheat on him again, then just break up with him and move on. If you want to save the relationship then tell him the truth, including the cheating.
This boy is a mastermind. He has successfully convinced you that it’s his kink.to use you like a sexbot
It’s insane that you let this go on for 8 months without talking to him about it
Yeah you have to talk to him about this and if this is really love then he’ll work on it. If he’s just lazy in general he won’t and then hopefully you’ll be able to move on and find someone who’s super into you and puts effort in.
Also been with my guy 7 years and he’s still not lazy in bedroom this isn’t normal hun
He’s selfish, you’ve cheated, call it OP. It’s done.
So basically what I’m getting from this is he’s just bad in bed.