So I’m kinda just confused and lost I’m not sure if this is normal. Basically me and her have been friends for like 7 years so I’m also feeling really blindsided.
We hung out last month she invited me down to see her (she lives about an hour away) and when I got there things just didn’t go how i planned based on her invite. Like she kind of ambushed me into hanging out with her new boyfriend, and it was really awkward. He’s a stranger to me. I was trying my best to make conversation but he was kinda lame. Like we all went out for dinner as she initially invited me down there to do and they both didn’t want to eat. So I just awkwardly ate a whole meal in front of an audience. I accidentally left my sunglasses in her car but I didn’t realize till she told me the next day.
She just got like pissed when I asked about the glasses. I said I use them when I drive they’re kind of essential to me and I commute so I drive a lot. I asked if she would consider mailing them since she lives too far for me to just simply swing by. She said no. Then a few days later at night when traffic died down I offered to drive there to pick them up. That’s when she got really mad. She told me she can’t deal with this tonight and I shouldn’t be forcing her to do something she isn’t comfortable with. I asked her straight up if she hated me and wanted to keep the glasses because I didn’t know what I was doing that was so out of pocket. She told me she felt like I hated her?? I said I just wanted to pick my glasses up. This convo went on way too long with me being like what can you do so that i can get my glasses today and her being very upset at the fact she would have to do anything to help me out. Whatever so I asked if she could just leave them outside her door and I’ll get them eventually. A week later I asked if she did that and she was like yep so I got them. It was another weekend so traffic wasn’t so bad. But literally before 9 pm it’s a 2 hour drive. So no I can’t just make that drive at any time.
A few days later she texted my friend asking if their friendship was not going to be unaffected by how me and her are in a “bad place” and then she texted me asking if my mental health was alright and that I disrespected her so badly that she needs time for her capacity to allow her to deal with this extreme tension. I thought it was the weirdest message. I texted her back and said my mental health is fine, I reiterated the importance of my sunglasses, and then said this whole thing is getting blown out of proportion and it hurt my feelings. That was a month ago. I dont understand if she’s waiting for me to apologize or what but i really feel like I should be pissed at her cus wtf was that when we hung out and then making it so difficult for me to get my favorite glasses back… like. And I’ve known her for so long this is out of character. we don’t have mutual friends at the moment everyone is out of state so I feel like I just won’t ever see her again I guess.
TLDR; had a weird hang out with my best friend and she got very defensive when I tried to pick my favorite glasses up from her house the following week. then she told me she needs space because of my actions and its been a month. But I don’t understand what I could have done.
18 comments
I’m sorry. That sounds hard! At this point, I think you let the relationship go. I know it sucks and feels crappy to have a relationship end, but none of what you said about your friend’s behavior sounds rational. You aren’t going to get her to see your side of the story and the only way forward is to apologize to her which makes no sense.
Holding on to toxic friendships will drain you. Good luck!
This girl isn’t your friend and is finding any reason to punish you. I’m so sorry that you had to go through all that just to get back a basic item. She also sounds like she’s heard too much about therapy speak and is weaponising it inappropriately, also to punish you. She’s a fair weather friend at best. You don’t need to be guessing about friendship when she’s so comfortable lashing out over literally nothing. Has she always been this much of a victim or displayed a lack of self awareness.
ok i’ve actually had this happen to me before where a friend has a rude-ass boyfriend who makes the entire experience super uncomfortable basically just to ruin it for her and put her on edge. it sounds like he dogged you out for the whole weekend so that he could turn around and be like “your friends are so stuck up” and she is in this frenzy of trying to please him which is impossible because the whole point is to make her feel like shit and like her friends are unimportant and are problems. so it’s probably her lashing out at you even though it is obviously not your fault. seems like the whole thing with the sunglasses is really about the weird tone her bf set when you all spent time together. i feel bad for her but you should definitely drop her because she will do anything and everything for his approval including bashing you.
The boyfriend probably didn’t want you to come over
Weird you both jumped straight to “so you hate me?”
Honestly this sounds like some snow flake gen z bs. I’ve noticed nobody these days can “dela”with any sort of inquiries or challenge them on anything. Can’t even disagree with people they crumble and can’t handle it. Just my thoughts
This is just bizarro, and whatever is going on it is not about the sunglasses. I think you’ve done about all that you can do, now you just need to sit back and let go of this relationship. If she comes back in the future wanting to reconnect maybe you’ll Get the story of what the fuck was really going on.
It isn’t about the sunglasses. Real or imagined she seems to be upset about how the visit went.
So.. to me, travelling an hour to grab something essential isn’t too far, even with the hour return drive. The entire thing with her is strange as hell though. If I had to guess, it has absolutely nothing to do with you or the sunglasses. Likely the boyfriend.
If she ambushed you with this meet, she likely was hoping that you’d really like him. Maybe everyone sensed that things weren’t going as planned. Her boyfriend likely talked nonsense into her head and she’s overthinking. That, or she’s got an issue that you weren’t excited enough to meet this guy.
Whatever the reason, I think it’s something that she needs to figure out. If she wants space, just let her be. I would be pissed if I had a surprise meet with someone. Not cool.
INFO: What do you mean the boyfriend was “lame”? What kind of vibe was he giving off on top of the weird meal thing? As others have said, it likely has something to do with him.
She stole your sunglasses. I know you left them…but she wants them. I would call/text/message all her friends that she stole your sunglasses and covers it up with doubletalk about anything but when she is going to return them. Whatever she said to you was all smokescreen hiding the fact that she likes your sunglasses. If you want them, you need to find a receipt and sue her for the value of the sunglasses
Something’s obviously going on with her boyfriend. Why couldn’t he just do his own thing while you two hung out? This was a planned trip with dinner and suddenly they’re “not hungry”? Did he think she was lying about who she was hanging out with?
When was the last time you guys hung out? Maybe she felt you didn’t like her boyfriend? Do you two have a history of doing a lot of favors for each other?
Sometimes long friendships end over seemingly petty things, but it sounds like there’s some underlying tension and serious lack of communication.
If this is the first time she’s ever done this I’d just text her and say something like “I’m sorry my visit didn’t go as planned, I really enjoyed seeing you, I was nice to meet X, you guys are a cute couple. I just thought it was going to be us two hanging out and I felt like you were upset with me. I really care about you and I value our friendship, I hope we can talk this through.”
Regarding the sunglasses — she definitely could have mailed them. But I also understand if she had plans that evening, you demanding to come over *that night* and get your sunglasses may have ticked her off more. You’re telling her “I need my glasses *today* but also I can’t get there until super late at night so make it work.”
And she’s saying you can come but just earlier at a reasonable hour, but you dig your heels in and insist it *must* be late at night. And then it still takes you like over a week to get them.
It sounds like you drove back during the day — making it sound like you *literally* can’t drive until late at night doesn’t sound reasonable. You could have bought a super cheap pair if it’s that critical. Yea it’s not convenient for you, but she doesn’t live *that* far away, and you did leave them in her car.
Maybe you can both work on communicating better and being a little less dramatic.
You said her bf was lame and you had a really awkward time. I feel like you’re glossing over something important that caused all this during the visit
I don’t know what it is but I don’t think it’s about the sunglasses. But also just buy a new pair?
I know someone who occasionally acts like that due to own mental health reasons. Fairly often triggered by anxiety or stressor completely unrelated to whoever has the role of the punching bag and dedicated guilty. Which would be you.
She blames you, because that is easier then blaming whatever caused stress or blaming own untreated anxieties or whatever.
Not that any of it helps practically, but it is what it is and reasoning won’t work.
Did she sell/give away/break the glasses and doesn’t want to fess up??
Maybe they’re swingers and you’re oblivious?
I feel like there’s missing context or something bc this makes no sense