I [F20] love my bf [M21] but can’t stop thinking about my one night stand.

I have been dating my bf for around a month and it is hands down the best relationship I have ever had. We share almost everything but there is one topic that we skirt around and that is past relationships.

A few weeks before I met my now boyfriend I had a couple of dates with a guy I met on tinder that ended in a very drunken hookup. Up until that point the dates had been great and we had a lot of things in common and had fun talking long into the night. To be honest I was more interested in him in a physical rather than emotional sense but I still enjoyed hanging out. After the hookup he suddenly turned rather cold and asked me to leave, saying he had a meeting, but still insisted on walking me all the way home even though I repeatedly said I was fine to go alone. After that we chatted a little over text and agreed to meet up to talk over what happened a few days later since it ended rather abruptly and we were both drunk. To skip forward a little, the outcome of the conversation was he had a strong crush on another girl he couldn’t get rid of, regretted our hookup but was fine remaining friends and hanging out occasionally in a group, which I was fine with. A few days after that he expressed interest in seeing a movie from a franchise we both love and I suggested going together with some of my friends, and he said okay. To cut a long story short we didn’t end up going and to my shock I realised a couple of days later he had blocked me on all social media.

I have always had a problem with loose ends in relationships, romantic or otherwise, and to have him suddenly cut off all contact hurt me a lot and caused me a lot of stress and confusion. I was totally fine having a casual platonic relationship or even cutting ties and leaving it there but the lack of warning or conversation threw me off.

I have mentioned him in passing to my boyfriend, even giving him more details but it is not a comfortable conversation to have. I want to explain to him that I hold no romantic feelings or intentions towards my hookup, just a confusing sense of hurt and longing to have a conversation to understand what changed his mind, but I’m worried that bringing it up too much will give the impression I still like him and cause tension in our relationship.

The kicker is, my boyfriend and my hookup live less from five minutes away from each other and we all attend the same school. I am terrified that I will run into my hookup randomly in our small town with or without my boyfriend and won’t know what to do or say, whether it’s better to acknowledge him or pretend I haven’t seen him. There are also places on campus I am actively avoiding just in case he is there which is causing a couple of issues in my studies.

I love my boyfriend and don’t want to jeopardise our relationship by dwelling on this one issue, but I can’t help but keep looking over my shoulder or subconsciously hiding whenever we are outside together. How can I get closure for this issue and also express to my bf that I have no ill intentions?

TL;DR I had a one night stand before meeting my bf and can’t get over wanting closure.