when i (18f) was very young, i was bright and very social, talking to everyone in sight. as the years went on, i was told i was much smarter and more self aware than the kids around me. i never had many friends and only had the small desire to go out and do “teenager things.” i only ever went to one party, however i’ve tried things like alcohol and weed and some pills here and there. i smoke weed semi-regularly but it only seems to make me anxious anymore. i was very mentally ill growing up, had a few visits to the psych ward and a narcissist dad and an emotionally detached mother. as i grew up in a small town (>1300) i always felt like the black sheep of the town. my senior year i had little to no motivation or friends and found myself just going to work and sleeping. this past year, i graduated and moved to a city near me. i got a good paying job and an awesome opportunity to stack some money. i just got out of a relationship that i felt could have been my first love (i had a lot of spiritual awakening with him, feelings i’ve never felt) and don’t know how to get past it. i have no desire to do things like other kids my age do such as being social and getting super messed up and going out. i just want to be at peace and at home and chill bro. i don’t understand what’s wrong with me and why i can’t keep connections and friendships. i feel like i have nobody anymore and i’m lost in a whole new world with no one to turn to. i’ve lost my spark and all my memories and passions and desires. it feels like the end.
9 comments
Your not alone 🙏
Sounds like you haven’t found your environment and your people. In my opinion, you were dealt some stinky cards but you’re slowly playing them in a way that will turn out better for you.
What does it mean to you to just be at peace? Does it consist of activities that can be shared with other people? Do those activities make it easy to find such people?
I know it can be tiring to not have found your folk yet, while it looks so easy in others, such as when they go get shitfaced. That usually consists of other people who go out to become wild animals.
I’m a fan of knowing ones own pace of life and not falling into the rush of modern society and algorithm driven networks but that comes at the price of getting where you can get on your own or where your friends get you. With that in mind, are there some compromises you can make to get in touch with other people who like to be at peace?
There’s some great advice here, and the only perspective I can offer is this—there isn’t anything wrong with you! That might feel like an incorrect opinion, but very few people know who they are at 18 or 19. Those are the ages where your life if just getting started and when you start to figure out what you want to be. I hope my words offer sone relief to what you’re feeling right now. It sucks to feel like you do and I’m sorry for your pain.
I feel the exact same way right now and this might not help but I hope we all that feel the same see a brighter future
It’s not the end. It’s the beginning. You sound self-aware enough to know you are still building and forming yourself. I found who I was by how I reacted and felt about things in my life that were beyond my control, which helped me develop a much stronger sense of self than even the choices and decisions I had control over.
In the book War and Peace, there is a prince who is a prisoner of war hostage while his enemy army is retreating. Among the other hostages is a cheerful old man. Amazed, the prince asks him how he could be so content in the face of death and torture and what the old man could possibly believe the meaning of life was. The old man simply replies that the only meaning to be found in life is to do good for others. Once I read that, I understood everything. That doesn’t mean you need to live like a monk or volunteer at a soup kitchen. But it is also more than just having a kind attitude as you move through your life. Connecting to the world for even a few hours a month and contributing to the greater good will give you contentment in your heart and bring you into a community where you will meet people who know who they are as well as people like yourself who are searching. Even if you don’t make friends, having relationships with people who are connecting to the world to make it better is fulfilling and worthwhile. Don’t commit too much at first, so you won’t feel bad about letting people down if you feel something isn’t for you. If you like nature, there are always conservation groups that need volunteers occasionally, even if it’s just clearing garbage. There are always animal shelters that need help with cleaning kennels and feeding rescue animals. If you want to preserve the arts for the future, local theater groups always need backstage hands because most people want the spotlight, lol. I find the Nextdoor app is my strongest tool for building my life outside of my job, family, and friends. There are all kinds of groups in your area that will ask for volunteers for single events, such as helping move sandbags during flooding or moving furniture to a cooling station tent for the homeless during a heatwave. Once, a little old lady just asked for help in the general feed, and like 10 people showed up to move her refrigerator. There are also hobby groups that post when and where they have in person meetings, which you can try even if you are introverted because those events tend to be structured and guided by a host so you are spared the awkwardness of small talk with strangers even if it’s only 5 people at a coffee shop discussing how to become a better writers. Taking a one day class for something like pottery or woodworking supports local arts, and nobody will think twice if you don’t take or duck out when it’s over. Take a walking tour of your local parks is easy for an introvert because people don’t like to talk and hike, but carry extra water in a backpack to be helpful and connect. Just get out once or twice a month at first and try things that are even outside your interests because not only are you contributing to your community, but you will discover things about yourself that will surprise you and might even make you happy. The best to you on your journey, and please keep us posted!
This hits way to close to home rn…I (21f) was in a relationship that wasn’t the best for 2 years but was fueled by social situations and alcohol. I loved partying and drinking and talking to randos. Now I never even want to leave my room. I look back and know all the things and situations I got in were stupid but nown its caused so much anxiety that I won’t even go out with someone for lunch. I’m scared of living now.
Nothing wrong with you. Thats exactly who you are, you described yourself right there. You’re into different things than most people your age and that’s ok. Engage with older people. In my field I get very connected to my old patients while not very much with coworkers. Shrug.🤷
Do what you like and own it. I prefer staying at home watching movies and playing video games all day than going anywhere or socializing. I don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks.
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