So I (20F) am turning 21 in a few weeks. For the past two years, I’ve said that I wanted to go to the beach for my 21st birthday as I’ve never really been to the ocean. Everyone-my parents and best friends all know this. Apparently my boyfriend (M22) didn’t.

So a few months ago we were talking about planning a trip to the beach together for my birthday, but since we just moved into a new place decided to save money and stay in town which was fine with me. I figured I’d have fun here and have my whole life to see the beach. Three days after this decision I get a text at work from him telling me to take off for my birthday week. I was immediately excited and asking why? What’re the plans? Where we going? He finally told me where we were going and that we would be busy three of the nights we were there. At this point I was already a little disappointed because the city he told me we were visiting was not near an ocean, but I figured we must have fun plans then whatever they are…

Being the curious cat I am, I looked up events going on in that city and found a Metallica concert for the three nights he told me we were busy. I. Was. Livid. For context, him and his best friend were always talking about wanting tickets to see Metallica and they had been hanging out drunk the night before this (they don’t see each other often). Also. I like Metallica, but id never mentioned wanting to see them and I had mentioned wanting to see tons of bands. Also he told me we couldn’t afford the beach but could now afford something he wanted? On my birthday?

So in the end I ask him if we could talk when he got off that night. He agrees. And it was supposed to be a ‘stay at home’ date night I was excited to see him and hopeful that the conversation would go well. When he got home, he forgot it was date night and invited a friend over. I made it very clear that in the least, we needed to have a serious talk which I rarely ever ask for to which he got mad about as he couldn’t go hang with his buddy. When I finally got him to sit down, he only gave me 10 minutes to speak. I explained to him that I looked up what was going on in that city and found out about the concert and asked if that was my surprise. He said it was and that he was upset I found out. I then tried to explain that i know he was coming from a good place trying to get me something fun for my birthday, but I don’t want to see Metallica. Those were expensive tickets and it was something he wanted. I asked why we couldn’t return the tickets and drive to the beach with that money? He began seething at me and yelling. As it turns out he bought tickets for him and his best friend too and didn’t bother to invite my friend to what suppose to be my birthday trip. He told me I was being ungrateful, and if that’s how I felt, he’d give my ticket to a friend and I could spend my birthday alone. He then stormed out of our apartment and was gone all night with his friend.

I wrote a list that night of all the reasons to break up with that ass hat and I left him a week later. A week after that my friend saw him on tinder with the caption “looking for a November date to a Metallica concert”.

Was I being ungrateful?

24 comments

  1. This sounds toxic affffff and not on your part!!! Everything about how he communicated with you was horrible. Yuckkkk run girl

  2. He doesn’t love you he doesn’t care anything about you. If he did, he would’ve spent the money to take you to the beach. He’s showing you exactly what kind of person he is, which is selfish, and only thinks about himself. While he’s gone, you need to move on and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

  3. Nope. He’s selfish and awful. Don’t look back. You deserve better. What an horrible “gift.” He gave himself and his friend a gift for your birthday.

  4. He was a selfish child. You did the right thing breaking up.

    Don’t be tempted to get back with him not matter what he does if he can’t find a replacement. He will just do the same sort of thing over and over.

    He’s too immature to be playing at adult relationships.

  5. So you were going to third wheel his trip with his friend? That wasn’t a gift for you in the first place

  6. I don’t know why the end part on tinder made me think of teenage dirtbag song if only it was Iron Maiden. Meh he selfish don’t waste your time thinking of that he treated him self for your birthday. Be glad you didn’t waste more time you would of had years of that.

  7. Nope you ex should that your wishes did not matter and when you called him out on his behavior he doubled down.

  9. No you were not.

    I was going you give your ex the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t know about your beach dream. But after reading it was clear he knew perfectly well and decided himself that it was stupid and his idea of a rock consort was going to be better.

    He clearly thought the idea of “surprise” was going to be enough for you to forget your dream and appreciate all the work he did booking the tickets

    I hope you’ve managed to make alternate plans for your birthday and hope you have a wonderful time at the beach

  10. Yes. Yes you were, and what possible reason did you have to be grateful??

    He splashed the cash on something he wanted and tried to finesse it into a birthday treat. F that noise.

  11. Nah, not ungrateful. He is Toxic incarnate.

    Make a Tinder with the caption “looking for a November date to the beach for my 21st.” 🙂

  12. You were not being ungrateful. His birthday gift to you was too invite you to a Metallica concet him and his friends were going to on your birthday weekend. That is rediculous.

    You are probably better off without this boy.

  15. Nope but your ex certainly was IMO being very immature and selfish.

    He was fine with spending money for what I would suspect would turn into a 3 day drunk party with his buddies which he then labeled his plans as ‘celebrating your birthday.’

    So ex didn’t care what you wanted. I suspect his disappointment with you figuring out what the gift was is it exposed his selfishness.

    So yep best solution was you ending the relationship.

    You have plenty of time to find a man who believes that both of you are equally important in the relationship. And even if haven’t a lot of money you each do something special for key dates.

    Best wishes.

  16. Girl, that was never your gift to begin with… that was a gift he was giving himself and his friend.

    Sounds like you definitely dodged a bullet with that one, congratulations. I low-key think it’s kind of funny that he has to use a Metallica ticket on Tinder to find a date now lol. I hope he gets stuck with the ticket.

  17. Good for you.

    Please take yourself to the beach. There’s no rule against planning your own damn birthday event

  19. Sorry to say, but nowhere on this post made it sound like he is into you. Let him go to see Metallica and find yourself a new boyfriend. This guy prioritizes his friends and his desires instead of you on your birthday

  21. He got himself a present. It just happened to work out for him that Metalica was playing on your birthday. And he invites his friend and not yours, for your birthday? This guy just thought he could pull the wool over your eyes. And is pissed it didn’t work

  22. I had a similar issue with my ex, there was a Mötley Crüe concert on her birthday, friend wanted to go, she wasn’t interested. I wasn’t missing the concert, and I let the month of me questioning our relationship decide for me. Broke up with her and had a blast at the concert.

  23. I AM SO PROUD YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM! I was choking on disbelief at the sheer balls, the selfishness and level of self absorption that man was displaying.
    Ps. Go to the beach girl, you deserve it

  24. Nope. Not ungrateful. You have self respect and a Functional spine. Thank GOD.

    Young woman, I applaud you! Go read Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts by Regena Thomashauer and embrace your glow up post-asshat phase. Get your flirt on. Trade up.

    Also? I think your 20’s bucket list should be seeing ALL the oceans from the prettiest beaches on the planet. Have you read Eat, Pray Fuck My Life yet? Do. It’s great fun. Your next chapter is a far, far better chapter.

    I’m 55 and … Metallica? Really? No. Just no. You dodged a bullet. I love your breakup for you. He can crawl back into his unwashed black jorts now.

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