Background
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 year. Everything is going very well so far.
My dad owns a building company and has 30 employees, including me. I work in sales and costumer support. He founded the company 2005 and since then we have been growing from a 2 man plumbing service to 30 employees doing all sorts of renovations.
My bfs family comes from generational wealth. His dad was CEO in his parents company (around 1000 employees). When he turned 40 he sold the business and re-invested the money into private equity, stocks and other things and also bought another company that he is currently managing.
My bf is currently doing his masters in business administration and working part time in his dads company.
When I met his parents we got along very well. We had interesting conversations and they also told my bf that they like me.
However, last week after a couple of beer, I realised that they don’t take what my dad and me do seriously at all. I told them that we are currently developing new advertisement strategies. His dad asked me why we need to advertise toilets as people “shit” anyway while laughing loudly. They also made fun of the new car wrapping designs we came up with for some of our cars. I cant really explain it because they are basically word-plays in German. It just became very clear that they see us as a petty plumbing facility.
We make 6 milions sales volume a year… not huge but also not small
Generally I realised that they are completly detached from the struggles of normal people. Talking about “lazy” employees and how everyone has no drive to work anymore. His dad grew up rich so I just think it is a bit weird to talk like that in his position.
Should I confront my boyfriend? When we were alone he never gave me that impression but I am pretty hurt that they both did it together…
TL;DR! My bfs and his dad made fun about my dads business and I am hurt by it and wondering what to do
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45 comments
Snobs are hideously unattractive, don’t you think?
I’d dump the whole snooty lot of them.
Dont really have to confront him, its not his fault what his parents think or do. But yes do have a talk and let him know that you find it really demeaning and would not be meeting with the parents.
You are more then proud (AND YOU SHOULD BE) of what you have
Don’t “confront”. It’s a conversation, not a battle. You don’t need to win a fight. You need to know what your BF really thinks, and how he intends to behave. The conversation is “That was unfair and hurtful. I worry about this relationship if that is what you think of me, and my father.”
Leave his father out of it to begin. The real problem is him, your partner, not respecting your work, your family, or your efforts.
If your BF acknowledges what he did was wrong and hurtful, then you can discuss how you expect him to address comments from his own family in the future. If he doubles down, and tells you what he really thinks, then you have some choices to make.
That’s big time ick, I wouldn’t stick around for that level of entitlement and snobbery. You saw who he is, believe him.
Your boyfriend and his family are lazy assholes. They had everything handed to them and then they make fun of your dad who actually put in the work to build something from the ground? How gross.
Just get away from them they’re trash, who acts like that. It’s bad parenting from bad parents lol.
The funniest thing is, neither your bf or his parents did shit to get where they are but your dad worked his butt off. He deserves more respect than they do.
I have a long time acquaintance/friend that is from generational wealth like your boyfriends family.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
When they punch down in society, they show you who they are.
I always found that the ones who didn’t found their success. The ones who inherited those golden parachutes, they seem to have a chip on their shoulder about having never truly earned their spot, like they didn’t grind and built something, they inherited their positions.
Those people are insecure about that situation and punch down from that.
It’s only been a year, I have a feeling your boyfriends underlying personality and views will continue to trickle feed into your life.
Idk, like is it worth it to even tell him that he was disrespectful and hurtful? If he punches down on your livelihood, what else is on the table? Do you honestly believe he will take your feelings into true consideration, or will he appease you to make the awkward character reflections go away?
uphold your family’s respect and dump him
By that logic, why does McDonald’s need to advertise? People have to eat regardless, right!?
Not even a funny joke to be honest. It’s also very interesting that someone that has literally had everything handed to them their entire life would talk down on someone that actually built their business from the ground up.
I definitely would be turned off due to their attitudes. That being said, it might be worth it to have a conversation with the BF about how those comments came across and see how things materialize from there?
Ex boyfriend, right?
There’s the first (rich) red flag you need to see. This behavior will only get worse as they get more comfortable around you. I would definitely take a step back from this young relationship and see if this is what I want my future to be. I would exit out to be honest, anyone that puts me or my parent’s business down FOR NO REASON is not someone I want in my orbit.
Is that the partner you see yourself building a future with? What would happen if their wealth was lost??
>Should I confront my boyfriend?
What would be the point? You know how he views others now. This isn’t a simple difference of opinion or something, this is just who he is. The point of dating is to learn about who a person is and if you’re compatible.
Would this be a dealbreaker for you?
Well I suppose if they’re laughing at a business that makes 6 million a year then yeah their wealth is much more beyond that so you just need to find somebody who respects you and your dad’s business as well as the stuff you do more than what your current boyfriend and his dad do
You don’t need to prove your self worth !
That would be an instant deal breaker for me, for two reasons:
1. It shows a complete lack of respect for you and your family, who have worked hard to build a successful business.
2. It reflects a level of snobbery that would instantly take someone from a 10 to a zero. His family is basically just your family but a generation or two ahead of you.
Personally, I’d kick the whole lot of them to the curb, and make it clear why. They did little of the work that made them wealthy, and now look down on people who are doing that work. I can’t think of an attitude that would be less attractive.
That’s why you date in your own tax bracket.
Might be time to move on. And let’s be real, if shit hits the fan, I’d rather have a plumber around than a paper pusher that’s afraid they’ll get their manicure messed up.
If you wanna be petty, your old man probably knows all the other construction guys in the area. Let’s know what happened, and they can easily charge that family triple or quadruple if they need any kind of stuff done.
Did your BF defend you after those hurtful comments in that moment with his family?
Did he at least say anything to you to make you feel better or ask you how you felt?
If he stays silent that means he is either complicit, agrees with that view or afraid of his father or losing inheritance.
It’s coming from people that never built their own business and had everything handed to them. Be proud of yourself and your father for making your own way in life, cuz that shit is hard.
These comments are worse because who it coming from. Do think his father is the CEO because he is brilliant and worked his way up?
YOUR FATHER LITERALLY CREATED SOMETHING FROM ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!
TELL YOUR BF HIS FATHER DOES NOT HOLD A CANDLE TO YOURS. HE INHERITED HIS TITLE AND PROBABLY WOULD NEVER BE A CEO ANYWHERE ELSE.
His father should be ashamed. He probably treats his employees the same way
Looking down on people they are completely dependent upon. Your BF and his dad are weak men
There’s nothing wrong with inheriting wealth. It’s how you treat those who don’t have it that says who you are. I’m tearing up righting this.
Be proud OP!!
In the US it’s a sense of pride to have built something from nothing. It’s respected That’s the American story. That you have done better than your parents just like your father has.
Im wondering, are you still sexually attracted to him?
I could never have sex with some who disrespect both me and my family in that way
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Your dad has been highly succesfull. Starting a company and expanding it like he did in less than 2 decades time, that’s something to be very proud off. Plus he’s probably skilled at a plethora of techniques when it comes to construction and home improvement. Sure, i’m also from a blue collar background so i hold any usefull skill in high regard, bit i’m sure most people will agree.
Bit even if someone doesn’t seem to grasp what a feat it is, scoffing at anyone who puts in the work to make something good for themselves is never a good look. I’d at least have a talk with your bf about this and re evaluate the relationship based on his response. If anyone would belittle my parents like thst i’d be livid.
Two things: While in conversation with your BF’s father, an appropriate reply would be, “Well, are trying to grow the business, so if you have any helpful suggestions, given your strong business background, I would love to hear your views on how we could drive growth.” Then listen. It would be a good test to see whether he actually cares and comes up anything meaningful. If not, let him be a blow hard.
Second – as others have pointed out, you will likely need to determine what your BF really thinks of you and your business. If he’s dismissive, then it’s going to be a problem. If he respects the work your dad and you have put in, then it will be fine.
I get it and I’m not sure I wouldn’t be mad, but does it really matter at the end of the day? They are morons, and they were drinking…so maybe give dumbass dad a pass?
I’m not sure I’d want to be in a relationship with someone who despises what I do and my parent does. Nevertheless, make fun of us for it. I wouldn’t be long for the relationship. Red flags to me.
Just goes to show you that generationally wealthy people eventually just lose their knowledge because they don’t need to use any of it. The marketing of parity products is like, the basis of marketing. How do you get someone to buy *your* toilet? How do you convince people of brand loyalty for *your* bar of soap or toothpaste.
They don’t have to think about anything because generationally wealthy people tend to only focus on their one passion, and that’s fine, but it leaves giant holes in their knowledge, and that includes manners and respectability.
OP, I for one am grateful for the services a company like yours provides. When there comes a time that your boyfriend and his dad can’t crap on their own toilets due to plumbing issues, they will quickly see the value in what you provide.
I think they are far removed from the working man and his struggles. You have every right to let your boyfriend know how hurtful he and his dad’s comments were to you. While it may be small potatoes to them, it’s a source of pride for you. Perhaps you can remind them if it were not for the little guys they wouldn’t have a business. Is your boyfriend not learning any of this in his studies?
If you truly love your boyfriend, ask him if this is how he really feels about you and your family? Let him know you can not be with anyone who doesn’t respect you and your family. Demand an apology form both of them. If you don’t get a sincere apology, then I would move on. Please don’t forget to UpdateMe!
Him and his father are insecure because they were handed everything on a silver platter and don’t feel like they’ve earned their wealth or privilege. Meanwhile your family is literally building something from the ground up and becoming successful through actual hard work and determination. This makes them feel very inferior and insecure and they have to lash out and put your family down to feel better about themselves. It’s fucking pathetic.
Urgh, no advice but just want to apologise on behalf of assholes as my dad is like this as well. He’s a retired GP and is quite snobbish about ‘types of people’ and what he refers to as ‘not his type of people’. He was very snobby when he met my fiance’s dad (also a small business owner) and made some kinda weird remarks about finances, the car he drove, all that sort of thing. Just really judgmental and rude. I was mortified and my fiancé was livid. My relationship with my dad hasn’t been the same since.
Forgetting of course that he’s the son of working-class farmers and grew up incredibly poor to the point where he actually had a growth spurt once he left home (age 18) because he was finally getting all the nourishment and healthcare he needed. My mum ended up lending him money when they were dating, and she was hardly well-off herself.
I read something that said ‘don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from’. Your bf and his dad sound like bullies.
Gross display. YOUR dad built something!
Why didn’t you ask who they would call if their drains had problems? And to name a company. Explain what advertising is for, and give the information as an educational experience.
While YOU may not know what advertising is….
What car wrap would you have done? Can you draw it?
How much experience, exactly, do you have in dealing with customers first hand?
I’m sorry, did you start your own company?
It’s WAY harder than getting everything handed to you.
It’s fine. These families do eventually see their end and implode. Is your bf the only child?
F. Scott Fitzgerald:
“Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they are better than we are because we had to discover the compensations and refuges of life for ourselves. Even when they enter deep into our world or sink below us, they still think that they are better than we are. They are different.”
>Should I confront my boyfriend?
You spelled “classist arsehole” wrong :p
Confronting your boyfriend won’t do anything. Breaking up with him will.
You’ve been dating for a year. In addition to enjoying the moment, dating is in part for learning more about your friend to determine if they are good partners for a long term, or even lifetime, relationship. Things you can’t find out in a date or two but only over time. Here you’ve learned that he and his family don’t really respect your father’s great accomplishments and the fact that you help by working in the family business. You need to take what you’ve learned about your BF and use that information to determine whether you want to commit to being with him longer or not.
So, with that in mind, do you really think confronting him will change anything? Or will it just give him a chance to make up excuses?
So.. your boyfriend and his father think that you and your family are below them. They think that they are better than you and your family. They think it’s appropriate to say this straight to you with their offensive comments. Can you imagine what they say when you aren’t around?
I say “comments” because that’s what they are. They aren’t jokes. Jokes are meant to be light hearted and funny. Did you find any of that funny? Because I sure didn’t.
This would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn’t not want to marry into a family like this, nor would I want to REALLY get to know them. I can imagine once you really know them, they likely make shitty comments about anyone that isn’t as rich as they are.
Also, your boyfriend needs to get off his high horse. He’s working part time as a “nothing” in daddies company. He’s a student that only has money because his family has money. He needs to back that shit up and stay humble.
You can do much better than him. Screw him and his status/money/rude family.
I know it’s beside the point, but can I just say how awesome I think it is that you are so proud of your dad and the company you have been building together. Your whole post resonates your connection and pride of your dad and your collective business.
I lost my dad this year and I was always very proud of him as well. I wouldn’t let others talk shitty about him either.
30 employees is very impressive as well
You shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who wouldn’t respect you if you weren’t in a relationship with them. If they even do respect you now, which is unclear.
One way to tackle it is to frame it in terms he understands.
A decent comeback for his jab about advertising toilets would be to affect a tone like you’re speaking to a child: “well, we want them to buy OUR toilets right? If we can’t corner the market with brand recognition, we’re going to lose customers to our competition” Then smile like you haven’t heard him just open his mouth and spew shit out of it.
If he gets all huffy like you’re implying he doesn’t understand business, you ask innocently “I thought you might have needed a refresher on basic advertising principals? Surely you couldn’t have been making a joke? Jokes are actually funny, you see.” Then smile, and change the subject.
He likes punching down but make it clear it won’t be fun to do it to you.
From 0 to $6M and 2 to 30 employees? That’s something to be massively proud of.
Meanwhile, your bf’s family was born on third base and think they hit a triple. I would call the bf out and re-evaluate the relationship if this is the way he and his dad regard you and your family’s business. They’re ACTIVELY looking down at you.
They sell their company to trade paper instead and then say no one wants to work anymore.
I know this would upset me quite a bit as I would be proud of my pop’s business that also took fine care of you and I’d be just as proud of dad if he was just an “stinkin” employee, because that is how a nuclear family should roll.
Yeah I think this would have to be talked about, it will be a itch that will always be there until you do AND this hurt you. It also sounds like you’ll be ok “financially” without the richy riches anywho. But I’m not saying breakup, just real talk and then if he blows that off, tell him to bite a big one.
Lol @ him saying people don’t wanna work after buying a company to manage with daddy’s money instead of working up through the ranks