Thanksgiving day 2022 my (32M) exwife (27F) asked for a divorce and moved out. I knew the end was there and didn’t fight it. We had fallen out of love. We had been married for 6 years and together for 8. During our 6 year marriage she came to work for the business that my parents and I had started. At the time we had a conversation where I told her I was uncomfortable with her working there post split, and she agreed that it would not work out. So coming to today, 11 months on from the split, guess who is still there? I’ve tried talking to her several times repeatedly asking her that she move on. She also has a new significant other that I’ve never met but I have asked her how/why is he cool with us still working together. Her answer has since changed to “I’m staying here for your Mom”. After hearing that answer the first time I questioned my mom with her telling me that she didn’t need my ex there either. So with that being said… Am I out of line for not wanting to see my failures in marriage everyday looking back at me or is it odd that she wants to stay? I also could use a woman’s perspective… Why? I’m thinking like a guy. Help me understand what could be going thru her head. What can I say to get her to at least understand where I’m at and coming from.
TLDR; my ex asked for a divorce but wants to continue working with me a year on from the split.
32 comments
Fire her ? Ya left out some details like is she a partner, own part of this business ? Hey we don’t need your services any longer bye!
If that’s a the only job she has and she is good at it you should change your perspective and let her do her job and move on with business. Frankly, it looks like you are the one with issues not her.
if it is your business, then cut her loose..You are the one ultimately keeping her around.
> What can I say to get her to at least understand where I’m at and coming from.
who gives a crap, its over..you want it to be completely over then make that happen. You literally control that aspect.
She needs a job. She has one. As long as she’s doing a good job, what’s the problem?
You can’t make someone leave the place they work, so unless you have a reason to sack them, grow up and be a mature adult about all this
If the divorce isnt finalized and you and your parents own it, she is probably going to go for a piece of the business in the divorce settlement and if she quits then it is like she is walking away from the assests maybe?
Fire her with severance and move on. She can’t force your family to employ her. She’s doing this because she knows it hurts you.
Document everything about her behavior, your parents need to speak to a lawyer, but once you have proof of her behavior, and how she treats you at work, then she can be terminated. Don’t be surprised if she tries to sue you, of course but if you have the proof of her behavior, she shouldn’t win.
No it’s not weird at all. When you make someone an ex, you do it because you don’t want to spend time together. The fact that you guys have to see each other constantly is ridiculous.
On rare rare occasion couples can coexist peacefully after a breakup but I would say that’s like 10 or 15% of the cases. The vast majority want to move on and not interact with each other.
I suspect she has a pretty easy job, with good pay good benefits etc. And she doesn’t want to miss out on this opportunity. The result is you’re going to have to strong arm her out. I would have made it clear from the get-go that she’s done at the business. It must be a really sweet gig for her to want to stay there.
Unemployment? I got nothing else but seriously. Just lay her off and don’t fill the spot saying you’re downsizing if you’re so afraid of firing her with cause. Otherwise document and record all interactions then fire her with cause.
I am pretty sure if she gets fired because she left you then there’s some kind of legal grounds for her to sue.
Also as it seems your parents are happy for her to be at the business, then it seems like a problem you need to discuss your co-owners (parents) and if it’s 2 against 1 in the decision making you may be out of luck
OP thus will solve all your problems. I worked in a family business before and I have seen thus crap many times failymmbers hiring SOs am when it doesn’t work out getting to quit is hard. My uncle tried this one strategy of hiring an FWB to help run off his ex seeing him and his FWB constantly going out t lunch dates or going to outings with her while ex would see this. Eventually exes will snap and leave.
If you wanna fire her just do performance reviews that make her look like shit then fire her problem solved
She wants a wrongful termination lawsuit
Do you have a girlfriend? Or anyone you’re dating ? Perhaps a girl that is willing to pretend you are ? I’m petty start inviting a girl down to the office every day for lunch. Maybe she’ll get tired of seeing that and finally move on. If not document any little infraction of hers and build a case to fire her.
What are her emoyment options like if she leaves the job? Will she easily be able to find comparable working conditions and compensation?
I ask because this isn’t a great job market so it’s possible it’s not about you – she may just want reliable pay and a job she likes.
Cut her shifts in half. Then she’ll have to get a new job
Seems like it’s maybe a good job she doesn’t want to lose??
Tell her that the company is cutting costs so her salary is going to be reduced by 50% you aren’t firing her so she can’t claim wrongful termination. She will move on quickly
Swallow your pride and talk to your parents. Get input from a good employment lawyer and also talk to your divorce attorney and see if her previous statements about leaving are something that is enforceable. Meanwhile, gather all the evidence of her being rude and disrespectful to you and your parents in the workplace. With input from both lawyers, terminate her employment as soon as the divorce is final. I have a feeling that’s what she’s waiting on anyway. If she does try to sue for wrongful termination, you have backup that she offered to quit and didn’t and also that she was a divisive person in the workplace. It will go nowhere.
You need to talk to a lawyer, not Reddit.
A lesson in why you don’t hire relatives.
It would be so awkward! Yeah, it’s time for a layoff.
This one is easy. She wants to make your life miserable and uncomfortable.
If its your family business, it should be easy to lay her off. She can play mind games somewhere else.
Maybe she’s there because she needs a job? You know, to get stuff like housing, food, etc.
Please don’t fire her because she doesn’t want to be married to you, that has nothing to do with work.
Can you make her redundant if not fire her.
Like you and your parents come to a decision that you can’t financially justify keeping her employed?
If you’re planning on letting her go/firing her, find out the local law regarding that. Make sure you don’t break the law (which can cause you getting fined, and her suing your company, etc).
She may still be working there, because…y’know, it’s a job, she’s comfy where she’s at.
Woman here! Fire her.
Could it just be she hasn’t found another job that pays as well? If you head over to the jobs subreddit you read about plenty of people who take 5 months, 1 year, 1.5 years to find employment. Given the shit market right now it wouldn’t be surprising if she just can’t find something else.
If she’s actively causing problems in the workplace then all you need to do is document that and then let her go (although I’d recommend giving her the option to leave of her own accord over firing just to avoid making the divorce messy).
Outside of that though, if it’s a good company and a good job then she’s probably just staying because she likes it and is comfortable, and given she has a new boyfriend she’s likely deeper into the acceptance phase so has no issue seeing you on the regular.
Side note: some of these comments make me so glad to not live in the US and not have to deal with at-will termination holy heck
Give her an ultimatum. 3 months from now. And then fire her. That’s fair for both of you
Dude, grow a pair.