TLDR: We started as a casual relationship and things have snowballed. Now everything is a mess and I can’t get her out of my house.
I am in an uncommon situation.
Her (29F) and I (26M) started seeing each other casually almost 2 years ago. She had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and I had been single for a while. We knew from the beginning that we couldn’t be a permanent thing, what we want in life is just incompatible.
She had been traveling around my country for a few years with a working visa before we had met. A few months in, she was having a lot of trouble finding somewhere to live. Since her only other option was to move in with her abusive ex, I offered to let her stay with me for a few weeks, at least until she could get a new job and find her own place.
18 months later and she is still here…
About a month in, she decides to reveal that she is a heavy pot smoker. Which on the surface is no big deal, I quit smoking myself a few years ago (and that was a much harder process than I expected). But she will smoke at any opportunity, and leaves a mess of ash and butts all over my rental. At this point I’ve been pushing her to be better about it for 18 months. She says she will, and then never does.
Her and my housemate had a conflict and he straight up decided to move out. She it’s been just the two of us for over a year.
He mental heath is an absolute train wreck. I’ve been doing so much to try and support her and get her to find professional help and she very very firmly refuses to. She has frequent breakdowns. One of which lasted for a full 2 weeks, 24/7. Nothing I did could console her. She overreacts extremely to stress, and when there is something genuine to stress about she goes scorched earth.
She has had multiple jobs since living with me. And for everyone she thinks people are out to get her. Every day I hear about horrible people being horrible to her, but it’s become such a consistent thing that I’ve had to wonder if most of it is even true.
She has spent several month without a job. Just staying at home smoking weed, asking me for money, and forgetting to pay the rent. At this point she owes me more that $2000.
She has no friends in this country. No one outside of myself and her current job. And she has no money. She doesn’t have anyone to move in with and no history or funds to find her own rental.
She has intentionally separated herself from her family in her home country. When she gives her reasons for why, I’m beginning to notice a lot of those traits in her.
On several occasions, I’ve had to film her breakdowns so that I can protect myself if the police get involved.
Her working visa is about to expire and she is freaking the fuck out. She would rather live here in the bush than go back. She is trying every thing possible to get a different visa but I don’t know what is going to happen.
I have tried getting her to move out in the past. She has broken down into hysterics each time. She manages to twist the story to make me look unreasonable and i end up feeling to guilty to follow through with it.
Currently, she has 3 weeks to organise her new visa. But I am at my witts end. Every day is screaming and crying. She will over react to small things like not being able to find her shoes, and she will just EXPLODE about it.
I can’t stand it any more. I don’t think I can last the three weeks and I am terrified of her finding a new visa.
Every time I’ve tried to get her to move out it becomes hours of sobbing and self loathing.
I don’t know how to go about it. I just want my home back. She was never meant to be here this long. I have done so much for her while she has been here but I just have nothing left to give anymore.
How can I get her out of my house?
1 comment
Oh my don’t get her pregnant