About five years ago, I (male, now 28) was seeing two girls A (now 28) and B (now 32) and it felt like things were getting kind of serious with both of them so I had to do something about it. The two of them were the only girls I really liked A LOT in life, maybe ‘loved’ is the right word… I have had my share of women and I know they were different from the others. I talked openly with both of them about the situation and had to make a decision. I ended up staying with A and we have been dating since then.
We already talked about marriage and having a family in the future but we are not engaged yet. We are currently building a house which I am paying for (no worries here, money is not a problem). We never fight and we have a lot in common.
Last week I ended up having to talk to B about something business related and since we had never seen each other in the last 5 years, we ended up chatting about our personal lives too, which led us to talk about the past. We talked respectfully as friends and none of us tried to lead the conversation in a direction any different from that. I even told her she could count on me if she ever needs someone to talk to (she told me about some health problems and I felt like she could use a friend).
I feel bad for writing it but I literally can’t stop thinking of B since then. I have never questioned that “choice” of 5 years ago because I have no complaints about my relationship with A, apart from usual stuff like “sex is not the same as when we met”, or feeling the relationship is a little monotonous and not that same burning passion… It’s the kind of stuff that happens because of time, no matter the person your are with, I think. But I can’t ignore the fact that I feel that passion for B right now. I would probably fade away too after some years. But what if it wouldn’t?
If we haven’t already talked about marriage and kids and we were not building our place, I feel like I should ask A for some time apart to think about my life and future. But I feel like I am betraying her for even thinking about it right now when we already made plans and such. I believe I SHOULD just forget about it, but I am afraid of going forward and regretting it later when things are even more complicated or even living with that doubt for years to come.
What should I do in your opinion?
I’m sorry if I wrote something wrong.. not an English native speaker and in kind of a hurry.
TL:DR: Me and my gf are planning our future but I can’t stop thinking of someone else who I already dated in the past. What do I do?
3 comments
You need to stop looking at this as a choice.
Do you want to be with and build a future with your current partner or not.
The existence of this other girl shouldn’t matter when making that decision.
If it does, then you probably shouldn’t be with anyone until you figure out what you actually want out of life.
If you’re ever stuck deciding between two people, it means you don’t love either of them.
You are wondering what might have been. Ifs normal to have those feelings, but I’d advise against acting on them.