Towards the end of last year I broke up with my girlfriend of \~9 months. There were several reasons for me to make the decision at the time. We were absolutely head over heels for eachother at the start, but then over the months the cracks began to show. Not here to try to justify my case for breaking up with her though. She was truly heartbroken when I called it off.
Now for the past 9 or so months she had crossed my mind a couple times, but these were mostly passing thoughts. However, I have recently re-connected with some mutual friends that I hadn’t talked to since the breakup, so naturally we’ve been talking a lot about my ex-girlfriend. Over that time, it’s made me realise just how much I miss her and its made me reflect heavily on the situation.
When I reminisce now, those “big” problems that made me want to call it off in the first instance now seem like non-issues, or certainly little enough to make me it worth it to have her back in my life. It’s also made me realise that the real problem was me being scared of the commitment, which pushed me to look for issues to cut it off. But now I’m at a point where I feel like I’m ready for that.
Now I have found out that she has recently got a new boyfriend, and due to her being removed early from her rental, she has already moved in with him. I have not been with anyone new since. I feel like the time away from her has made me appreciate her/what we had a lot more.
Now my questions are:
1. Is it normal to feel this kind of remorse this long after the event?
2. Is this likely more loneliness that I’m feeling, rather than a legitimate want to have my old partner back? If I were to be with her again would I just end up feeling the same way as the first instance?
3. Is it a stupid idea to contact her (via text – havent spoken since about 2 weeks after the breakup) just to tell her about my feelings about the whole event and explain where my head was at and where it is now. Ultimately I’d be pouring my heart out and giving the indication that I would spend the rest of my life with her if I could. Not trying to break up her current relationship, just more of a “I’m here incase something happens”.
TL:DR – Broke up with girlfriend 12 months ago, and now after being in discussions about her I feel very remorseful and wish to be back with her.
3 comments
I’m not sure how to feel about this because on the one hand I’m kind of a “shoot your shot no matter what” type of person but on the other hand, you fucked up and I kind of think that it’s unfair to inject yourself into her life after a) you broke her heart and b) she moved on.
Only you know whether or not you legitimately want her back but given that you’re questioning your own motives and these feelings have only surfaced since you found out that she’s moved on, I would be inclined to sit with them for a while and make sure that you 100% certain that you do indeed want her back. I think it would be really shitty to upend her life and then decide that you made the right decision a year ago.
Good luck with whatever you decide though. I hope that whatever happens you manage to find some peace 🙂
If she were still single I’d totally consider it. But her currently being in a relationship and living with that person is a 100% game changer. Don’t send it.
1. Pretty common. The timing is telling. She’s got a boyfriend and moved on and now you’ve seen the light. Classic case of wanting what you now can’t have.
2. Pretty likely.
3. Not stupid but selfish. You say you wouldn’t be trying to break up her relationship but that is exactly what you would be doing. Do you want to be that asshole?