TL;DR: By virtue of age and experience, I know “stuff”. Some people–clients, employers– even pay me for the “stuff” I know. And they invariably dismiss my advice but will accept the same advice from others. How do I determine what is going on and why?
The story so far…
I’ve noticed a pattern in my interactions with others –technically I’ve noticed many patterns but let’s take them one at a time–where my advice is dismissed outright but is immediately accepted when someone else gives the exact same advice, oftentimes minutes later and in front of me. How do I figure out WTF is happening so I can deal with it?
It’s not that I can’t articulate my thoughts; I’m told one of my “superpowers” is explaining complex ideas in simple terms. I’m not showing off my “intelligence”; you hire me for my expertise, I give you my expertise. I’m not trying to build myself up; if I don’t know something, I will say so, I don’t state my opinions as facts.
So WTF?
Here are a couple of instances but don’t nitpick them; there is a larger pattern here that I’m trying to figure out.
1. My then-GF, my buddy, and I were having drinks one night. She was lamenting about not being able to lose weight through cleanses and special diets, etc. I said “To lose weight you have to burn more calories than you take in; you don’t have to do cleanses, etc.” She dismissed my statement, explained why I was wrong, and complained some more. A few minutes later my buddy said “To lose weight you have to burn more calories than you take in.” She responded “Really?! That’s all? I’ll try that.” 😐
2. A client wanted to do a project. The project would be useful but had five major problems with it–the outcome being potentially catastrophic to his business– which I told him. My client was technical but not in this field. We discussed this for a month and he finally said “We start on Monday” over my objections.
The Friday before, he tells me he read an interview with some guy he had never heard of in a company he had never heard of on the other side of the continent who did a similar project. He called this guy *out of the blue* to ask him about his experiences with their project. And he got through! I said nothing during the phone call. The guy listed the same five problems I mentioned and IN THE SAME FREAKIN’ ORDER! After hanging up, my client looked at me and said “I guess we’re not doing the project.”
3. At the last company, I found a problem with the computer system, reported it to the CEO and CTO along with my solution which was the [bog standard](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/bog-standard) way of dealing with it–I had implemented this solution a dozen times for a dozen clients in the past.
They told me that wasn’t how it was done. I asked them how to do it and the response was “we don’t know.”
“The way you deal with this is like this…”
“No it’s not.”
They argued with me for fifteen minutes, flat out telling me I was wrong. The CTO of the startup next door stopped by to shoot the breeze. They asked him how to do it. You guessed it; he gave the same bog standard solution and they agreed to do it that way.
How do I find out what is going on? Yes, of course I asked them. They hemmed and hawed…
1 comment
Treat the GF as a separate case, that relationship dynamic is way different. Generally people have to hear information multiple times to take it in.
As for the consulting work, there is a certain amount of “white man in a suit” that convinces people that your advice is valid. It varies slightly depending on the industry what cues work for people but it’s there. It’s sort of like if a contractor shows up in something other than a white truck / van you start to question their authenticity.
One other strategy is to get the client to start agreeing with you on smaller things. Reinforce what y’all have in common and get them accostomed to saying yes to what you’re telling them.