Hi all, I am in the process of separating from my wife as of a couple of weeks ago. I expect it will be at bare minimum 6-8 weeks before she can move out while we’re working through dividing assets. I will be paying out her share of equity in our house and she will be using it towards buying a place of her own.
During our marriage we pooled all of our earnings and paid for everything from our joint account.
I think I’d like to separate our finances soon, so her pay goes into her account, mine likewise, and we both put in an equal amount to food and bills while she’s still living here, leaving the rest of our money for our own expenses, lawyers, counselors all that good stuff.
Does this seem reasonable? Or should I just suck it up for a couple more months and move on? I’m doing my best to do everything in good faith but it feels slightly unfair I am now subsidising her life. I earn twice as much as her and I do the majority of the housework, probably 70%.
If this seems reasonable, any suggestions on raising this without conflict? I’ve been doing my best to be very calm and factual in any discussions about money but she’s already blown up at me once and accused me of trying to take advantage and make everything go in my favour as much as I can (I’m actually doing my best to make sure she can afford to live once she moves out).
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**tl;dr**: Should I separate my finances from my wife or just live with it for the sake of peace, and how should I best raise it to avoid conflict.
1 comment
In principle, it’s perfectly reasonable to want to split expenses evenly if you’re committed to separating. In practice, you should reflect on whether retaining 25% more of your income for two months is worth upsetting your ex over. If I was in your position, and could afford it, I’d probably do everything I could to maintain good relations. Cohabiting with an angry housemate can be very unpleasant, and if she’s the one who’ll be leaving, she can cause you real headaches on her way out.