I am one of the secretaries at the CONSULAR DEPARTMENT. I was upset last week because I feel that some of the managers / bosses can be unprofessional and disrespectful. For example, throwing a party and not cleaning up and washing after themselves so I had to do it (huge mess, like frat-party level, also not my job). We have a kitchen staff who prepares the coffee and snacks. But they asked me to make their coffees because she was on leave. I was upset as (1) it’s not my job and never has been and (2) I am already SWAMPED with my ACTUAL work and they are sitting on their asses doing literally nothing all day. I can BARELY EAT with how busy I am. Why can’t they make their own coffee? I don’t get paid enough for this.
To one of the managers, I stated that I feel disrespected at work lately and he told me that I am correct and valid in the way I feel. Not only due to this, but because people would call me even when I’m on leave and message me to do work for them after office hours. However, he won’t apologize and when I brought up other concerns, he brushed it off. So naturally, I was unhappy with this. I was still professional and cordial at work, but when angry, I tend to avoid eye contact and looking at the object of my upset. This is what aforementioned manager said to me today, “Why are you upset? I’m not the one who asked you to wash the dishes. Someone before me asked you for coffee, so I asked you for coffee and you know I only did it to tease you. Today, I’m upset with you because you don’t even want to look at me.”
IS IT ME OR HIM THAT’S UNPROFESSIONAL?
6 comments
When I (45F) was about 9 years old, my dad asked me to take out the garbage. I told him it wasn’t my job—it was my brother’s chore. I got a lecture and then I then got to write a thousand word essay on why I won’t say it’s not my job.
Fast forward to high school. I was working at a vet clinic. Any time something needed to be done, even if it wasn’t my job, I took the opportunity to do it. My job was to clean kennels when I started. But because I always offered to help where I could, I moved up through the ranks. By the time I graduated college, I was managing the practice. And as Y2K came up and we had to learn a new computer system, I volunteered to go to the training and then set the thing up and teach everyone.
A few years later I took a job with that software company.
And again, kept doing things that were “not my job” and kept being promoted.
This is how my career has gone and why I’m where I am today. If no one else wants to do it because it’s too hard? I do it. If it’s new and requires learning new skills? I do it.
I have fetched my fair share of sandwiches and coffees and I get that you’re offended. But when you’re on the clock? Aside from something illegal, anything they need you to do IS your job.
I get that you didn’t want to clean up a mess or make coffee. But calling it unprofessional? That’s a stretch. You’re low man on the totem pole. Going the extra mile and doing what needs to be done can go a long way to opening up other doors.
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You’re both unprofessional, him more so than you, but you’re both putting ego in front of everything.
24 years old as a Secretary, the pay will never be worth it, you write well so I’m going to assume you’re educated. You should be looking at moving out of the secretarial pool.
Here’s the thing and it’s going to piss a lot of people off when I say this but here we go
1. You’re young and female and work for men in their late 30s early 40s
You’re experiencing sexism. Point blank that’s what it is. It does not matter how smart you are, how much work you, how many cups you clean, they are only going to see you as the “secretary”
Why do I know this? Because I was you at 22. Only way I got out was applying to other jobs, updating my resume, and getting certifications in other fields.
2. You’re being unprofessional when you say “not my job” or won’t look at your bosses
Do not let them know it bothers you. If you have an HR report them but I guarantee nothing will change and they will quietly push you out while destroying your mental health.
When they ask for whatever BS they ask for, smile and say “as soon as I’m able I’ll take care of that!”
Then apply for job like your life depends on it.
It’s the kill them with kindness routine. It sucks because you want to shove your boot in their asses, but that’s the best way to professionally handle it.
Get out of office management and out of any kind of Secretary type job and you need to come to grips with the fact no matter what job you’re in, sexism is going to follow you. The only thing you can control is how you react to it.
You’re not going to do well in a government position if you can’t handle people who make way more money than you doing way less work. Time for a new job.
It all pays the same. Ok, you’re busy. The pay is “small.” You say your pay is too small to do these jobs. They likely feel theirs is too high to do these jobs. The jobs need doing and usually, the low person on the totem pole get stuck with them. If you aren’t the actual Secretary for Consular Affairs, some of these jobs will get pushed onto you. If you want to move up in the Consul, you aren’t going the right way about it. I have a very responsible job without stellar pay. However, I am the only one who has it and the only employee. If I did nothing that wasn’t “my job,” I’d have been doing something else because there are others who would be willing. If I need to shred, I shred – I’m highly paid for shredding, lol. If I do my actual work of much more responsibility (pretty much same as my boss w/o the necessary degree), I’m underpaid in a way. Not looking at your boss is a bit childish, he’s still there and not going to disappear.
There’s two books that I would strongly recommend you read. When is called “Crucial confrontations”, the other one is called “set boundaries find peace.” Please read them as soon as you can.
Please understand that not every problem has to be solved, and not every problem that has to be solved has to be solved by you. As you said, it is not your job to clean the kitchen. So why did you? Because you were convinced it had to be done? Because no one else was doing it?
You have to understand that sometimes people are testing you. You’re playing a game of chicken. No one else wanted to clean it, and then you swooped in and fixed it. Probably annoyed the whole time that it wasn’t being done.
But it wasn’t your place to be annoyed, because it wasn’t your responsibility.
It is not professional to do something you don’t want to do and then blame others for your choice.
You are responsible for setting your own boundaries, not anyone else. And allowing people to break your boundaries is not their fault, it’s yours.
One of the biggest issues here is that you’re taking a lot of this personally when you shouldn’t be. Consider this way: someone asks you to get them a coffee. Perhaps he didn’t even think about how demeaning you felt it to be. What did you do, get the coffee and get angry about it?
What about this approach: a confident smile, no anger: “Fred, you jokester! You know how much work I have on my desk. Can you imagine what the bosses would say if I told them I was late doing favors that weren’t in my job description? But don’t worry, I know you can get it yourself!”
Or how about this: calm, pleasant, “No.” or, “no time, sorry, I’m overloaded right now.”
You teach people how to treat you. Right now, instead of calmly setting boundaries, you are letting things happen and then getting upset. That’s not OK. It also will lead you to be resentful and unhappy, and you deserve better than that.