I want to hear other people opinions about it because honestly I don’t know what to think of it.
She was not into him immediately, it was a long play of 3 years, and recently they got on 2 dates on the same week, she now seems ready to go further with him, although she also says it’s really scary and the age difference is quite significant (37) and hard to overcome, but she got so infatuated from him that she is almost willing to risk everything, and by everything I mean the respect of everyone i guess, she lives in a small city, and word go around fast, and this is too big of a gossip, unusual stuff around here, I can’t imagine how her parents would react, quite devastating I guess considering this guy is quite older than her father!
Mind you, she works in a restaurant and even the colleagues makes fun of her because they suspect something as she talks a lot with him since he started coming regularly at lunch there, even the old town mayor eats there and noticed something and makes fun of her! (She does not work in the same town she lives, but the restaurant is famous in the area, lot of known faces go there)
I never saw him, but she says he keeps himself fit with regular exercise and he looks younger than he really is, he is kind, patient, intelligent, a real gentleman, never rushed things, and after they exchanged numbers he sent a message giving her 3 options, date at his house, date outside, or nothing. She chose to go out with him, and in the second date she went at his place, she enjoyed staying with him a lot, even though everything reminded her of the age difference.
But at the same time she loves the life experience the guy has, and got even more curious hearing about his past life.
He cooks and sings, and acts himself as a younger man, all of this makes her really interested.
What I feel is really weird is that in the first date he proposed to travel the world with her, leaving everything behind and living here and there around the globe. She got even more scared hearing this, and it’s not something she’s willing to do right now.
I’m I wrong worrying about her?
It’s her life after all and she can do whatever she wants, but is this worth the risk of ruining her family relationship and getting made fun of from the whole city?
I joked with her telling that she might have to leave and travel with him anyway because of the embarrassment and all the shitshow she will receive from the people in the city she still wants to live to.
She is not a material girl, and absolutely doesn’t want to rely on him economically, nor losing her independence, she is genuinely interested in him as a person.
I want her to be happy and if she want’s to try this experience, good for her, but I’m worried this will not end good in the long run and all this fascination will fade eventually, and so also the respect from the whole city.
Who cares you might say, well the parents care, and I really hope they will never know this.
What do you guys think?
I’m kind of confused about this, it’s disturbing but at the same time, age is just a number they say.
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TL;DR
My friend is infatuated with this older guy with 37 years old difference, and she seems willing to go on with that even at the risk of ruining the relationships with parents, and losing respect and being made fun from the small city she still wants to live in.
I’m worried she is making a wrong move here even though i respect her decisions whatever it might be.
what do you guys think?
5 comments
She’s 30. She’s not a child. She’s a full ass adult who can make her own decisions. As long as she’s not being coerced into something she doesn’t want to do it’s nobody else’s business if she wants to date a guy who’s 67 or 20 or any other legal age. She sounds like she doesn’t care what other people think of her, which is a very healthy outlook on life.
Is he rushing her to go out of the country?
I think it’s pretty normal for us to worry when our friends are making decisions we see as questionable. Let’s consider two possible outcomes of this scenario.
First: She dates him for a while. She catches some shit from people. 8 months from now, they break up. People continue to make fun of her for a while, and then they begin to forget. They eventually find some other person to ridicule for breaking convention, and life moves on. Some may hold it against her forever, but they’d be assholes for that, so fuck ’em.
Second: She dates him and they get serious and stay together. She catches some shit from people. People don’t forget, because they’re still dating. But hey, hopefully, she’s got a real love that brings her sincere joy and satisfaction. That’s a pretty special thing to have. Who cares what the judgmental townies think? Not her, apparently.
If he treats her poorly, then say something. But assuming things are going well between them, then respect what she wants and don’t share your worries. Trust that your friend knows how to walk her own path.
You can try and work out your own concerns and fears in some kind of healthy way that doesn’t involve her — journalling is one option. If you can’t shake the feelings, and they become overwhelming or debilitating, then you should seek aid from a counsellor or therapist. It likely won’t come to that, but the option is always out there if needed.
If she wants to fuck her dad/grandpa then 🤷🏼♀️. You can’t stop her and at 30 she’s a fully grown adult who can make all the bad decisions she wants.
It’s fair game after 30 in my opinion. She’s not a child.