Im 18f and I started homeschooling at age 14. during this 4 year period, ive had no friends, ive only talked to family. Now, I want to start being social and making friends. Since ive been socially isolated for so long, my social skills plummeted. I got my first job and I was severely awkward. I keep coming off as aloof, distant and to be frank, boring. I keep forgetting to smile and I have awkward body language. I struggle finding what to say, what’s appropriate and what isnt, and I dont feel articulate at all. I honestly feel like an alien. I want to figure out how can i fix this? What are some steps to having decent social skills? I know that talking to more people and getting out there will get someone very far but i honestly dont think im improving all that much by doing that, i can’t figure out what im doing wrong. I also struggle with being myself, im afraid with how people will perceive and feel about the kind of person I am.. which makes sense because it’s been so long since ive been acknowledged and accepted by another person. The only social situation im good at is texting others on the internet, but the second I have to use my voice or body language, I become a complete mess. I notice that I keep making people feel uncomfortable by accidentally being rude but I’m not sure how I can change. Where can I start? I need like a social guide. Thanks in advance, also im not neurodivergent
1 comment
It’s kind dated but still full of helpful nuggets – read How to Make friends and Influence People. The TL/DR of that is that people love to talk about themselves. So ask questions about them. And a little trick is to count to 3 in your head before you answer, so you don’t sound like a hype case. You can practice this by thinking of things you’d ask someone you interact with at work, in your head only.
Also don’t beat yourself up, about 10% of teenagers have good social skills. Almost everyone feels awkward even if no one else can tell. I doubt you are coming off as rude. Unless you are saying rude things don’t worry about it. This is one of those situations that will resolve itself with more practice, probably naturally.
Your situation is why people take speech classes or join clubs like Toastmasters or go to meetups on public speaking. These gatherings put you in situations where you have to talk publicly and that’s how you get better at it.