As the title suggests, I caught the man I’ve been seeing for 4 months jerking off while he thought I was asleep.
It was in the morning at his place and we were making out and I could tell he wanted to take things further but I’m on my period and had some cramps so I wasn’t in the mood to do anything more. I dozed off again while he got ready for the day but then was woken up by clear jerking off noises coming from the end of the bed. I pretended to be asleep and just let him do his thing, then he left very suddenly to clean himself up I suspect lol. I was about to drop him off so I did my best to act normal the rest of the morning until I could get home and regroup.
He’s is an absolutely amazing human and I’m really head over heels about him but this really was a punch to the gut. I have always thought that I would find something like that hot but I am feeling very uncomfortable and icky that I just wasn’t involved in consenting to that. When we’re having sex we touch ourselves/eachother all the time and opening talk about masturbating so it’s not the act itself. It’s just my presence in the situation that’s really getting to me.
If anyone has advice of how to handle this or a different perspective I would love to hear it! Feeling really weird right now but maybe I shouldn’t be? What would you think in a similar situation?
16 comments
Honestly… it you do all of that his actions most likely have more to with not making yiu feel pressured during you period than anything else.
The question comes to you… would you prefer to not address it and let him release himself privately, would you prefer him to talk to you first… and see if you want to “give a helping hand” (or mouth), and if not he then takes care of himself, or would you like to always help out.
Once you know where you are you are better equipped to talk to him about it. The easiest way is to ‘get caught’ idly playing with yourself bit not in a way where you were actually trying to get release and then use that as a vehicle to discuss what you both ought to do in those scenarios.
Let me get this straight. You were making out with your boyfriend while on your period and with no intentions of finishing the job. Then you start feeling under the weather and fall asleep. Now you are surprised to find him jerking off after you blue-balled him and are disgusted by that? Maybe he could have left the room, but he thought you were asleep and didn’t.
My advice, next time don’t start something you can’t finish. Kind of a shitty thing to get someone all hot and bothered and then leave them hanging. I know most people don’t take it seriously, but blue-balls is really a thing, and it can actually be painful. As a man, I’d much rather have the expectation of no sex during that time of the month, rather than a half-assed edging session with no release at the end.
I’d be disappointed he didn’t wake me up before he started and I would offer to finish him off with my hand, while kissing him.
If you feel differently about, simply ask him to do it in private because it woke you up. Then let it go. Simple as that. You probably should have used your words in the moment. He might be just as squicked out to finding out you were listening in uncomfortable and disapproving silence.
Poor guy!
My ex husband would do this while I was asleep. I never said anything.
Pretty early on in my relationship with my boyfriend I told him I’d feel uncomfortable if he were to masturbate in the bed while I was asleep. He said he understood and should that need arise he’d leave the room. It was a pretty simple conversation honestly.
I think you should be honest with him about your boundaries! It hopefully would be an easy and quick conversation
What is their to handle . Men jerk off. If it’s your cycle you can always do other things , if you are not comfortable during that time it’s fine but he will jerk off . If you think he is the only one your wrong .
I think he was just dealing with some morning glory, I don’t necessarily think it was to disrespect or insult you, it’s just sometimes a M thing I suppose.
For me I would jerk off beforehand so when we made love, I was better for her by staying the distance.
I say let it go. It could have been different if he was out of bed masturbating to OF content or into the contents of your laundry basket!!
He was using his imagination and I bet it was you in his thoughts as his rocket fuel he leaked everywhere!
I wish you both all the very best and be chilled 🙂
I don’t see a problem here, you weren’t in the mood, and he handled it himself. If you don’t want him masturbating around you while you’re not involved, just ask him to take it elsewhere?
Just ignore it or ask him to please do it somewhere else in private.
Ask yourself why you can to consent for him to do to himself what he wants. How much do you feel you need to own what he does?
You’ve been seeing him for 4 months..you were making out prior, he respected your wishes to not do anything more, so waited till you were asleep and then jerked off.
I’m failing to see the issue..it’s not as if he did something inappropriate to you?
Dude got turned on and then shut down. He took care of his problem. Would you prefer he go do it over the kitchen sink?
If both of you were making out and stop because “it’s that time of the month” thats when you as a woman use your “tung fu” to put him out his misery and both you go to sleep Happy.
My gf has done this, I don’t see what the problem is.
Is it just me, it I don’t see what the problem is. He thought you were alseep
It’s called being a horny male. Normal behavior. Next time, maybe just talk dirty to him and lend him a hand while he is doing it. He will think you are the coolest woman alive.
I don’t understand the comments here…
I think you’re justified in feeling a little icky and uncomfortable. Everyone acting like it’s normal should really put in perspective how new this relationship is. This is the kind of thing that you only do if you are 100% sure your partner doesn’t care.
It doesn’t sound like he has bad intentions. But I would bring it up and say it made you a little uncomfortable or discuss whether or not you are ok with it. His reaction to this discussion might be more telling of the situation through his eyes, and that should also resolve some of your icky feelings. Or it may shed light on his real intentions. Either way, you would have a resolution.