I am not sure this is the right place to post this, so here goes nothing.
I started my first job this month and one of my coworkers let’s call him Jake has been very friendly with me since the beginning. Later I noticed he was like that with everyone as well. kind of everyone’s favourite coworker. He has a girlfriend with whom he keeps talking almost all the time. So I thought maybe I could be friends with him based on his personality and the fact that he is in a committed relationship so there would not be any issue with feelings or something like that.
After a week of starting, I began to notice that something was not right about him. He stands very close to me or most of the time he is quite touchy but not in a creepy way. However, my gut feeling is saying something is off but I am not sure what it is.
A few days ago he told me he would give me a ride home as we go the same way. I made an excuse and told him no. After that, he tried to convince me to go with him but I refused. The next day I tried to ignore him as I felt it was inappropriate and he also ignored me. So the environment became quite uncomfortable. Later I tried to talk to him about work and everything became normal I thought.
Which brings us to the last day. I was complaining about traffic and then he again said that his offer was still on. He would give me a ride home if I wanted but I refused again.
I am unsure if he is being just friendly or it’s all in my head. I do not want to get in between someone’s relationship. Should I tell him direclty that his actions are making me uncomfortable or should I just ignore his behaviour?
Edit: I forgot to mention that he was talking about giving a ride on his bike.
3 comments
Ignore the behaviour.
Sounds like you might be making a bigger deal about it in your head than it actually is. He’s probably just trying to be friendly and give you a ride home as it’s on his way. But if it makes you uncomfortable, just say no thank you.
Poor guy, from what you described, he’s very friendly, in a happy relationship in which he explicitly lets everybody else know about, offering a friendly deed and you’re basically accusing him of being a predator in not so many words.
Nah honestly the best choice you can make is to continue avoiding him. Gut instinct and red flags right away are a strong sign. Honestly you can just socialise in a group with him but avoid being alone. I’ve had and known situations like this and rare af that it’s an innocent thing. Avoid and get on with work.
Trust your gut.
Maybe it is all in your head. But the fact remains you are uncomfortable and that’s reason enough to say No to -anything-. It doesn’t have to be ‘oh he’s dating someone’ or whatever. He is a WORK COLLEAGUE and you should probably think of him as nothing more. If you don’t want a ride, or lunch, or a soda from him, that is completely fine. You are there to work – so concentrate on work.
Meanwhile, and since you are new to a work/professional environment, learn how to separate ‘work nice’ and ‘personally friendly’. At work you need to be nice, civil, professional. Draw a line between work and real life.
Now, you might make friends at work. That is awesome and some of my best friends came through working together! But don’t feel obligated and keep in mind the difference between friends of true connection and friends of circumstance. Those are two very different relationships.
If you want more advice on work place situations/relationships, check out
[https://www.askamanager.org/](https://AskAManager.org)
Alison Green is a fantastic writer and the advice she offers is invaluable.