What type of women do men choose?

47 comments

1. depends on the age and what are the goals. the bar for casual is much lower than a woman we would want to take seriously and potentially have children with. a young guy can settle down and build with a woman similar in age but once he gets his career going, he might want to put off anything serious until he has met his financial goals. by that time (30s to 50s) he will probably want a younger woman because he can still start a family with her. if he doesn’t want kids then he has no reason to get married, only an extraordinary woman will get his full attention and be able to keep it.

2. The predatory ones don’t choose you because of all those qualities and that’s a good thing.

   Or you’re not easy enough for the ones that just want sex.

   Or they are intimidated.

   Or they consider you too good to just use for sex.

   Keep on keeping on.

3. I understand you too well. Sucks so much, it’s mostly that men are intimidated, which goes to show the lack of actual men nowadays. They can’t seem to take on a woman that has lots of good going on.

4. Are you warm, flirty, affectionate? Chemistry is important to a lot of people. Maybe they’ll just not feeling enough of it with you?

5. My theory is that some people are more loveable than others the loveable ones have an easy time in relationships. The rest struggle. That doesn’t mean you aren’t loveable at all, or nobody will click with you in the future. It’s just going to be harder, less frequent, more work, and more disappointing. However, better to seek out those who will accept you and never settle for those you cant accept yourself.

   I get rejected plenty as a woman, and I know what qualities make it hard to be attractive and loveable. All I can do is try to be my best and make an effort. And let go when it’s time to let go. I’m at peace with the fact that my life will likely be mostly single. That’s the lot I was given. And being free and alone isn’t as bad as I used to think. I hope you will have better luck.

6. There’s three and a half billion men in the world. It would be surprising if we all wanted the same things

   Are they saying similar things when they break up or is it different each time? You might be accidentally attracting incompatible people for some reason and you might just be unlucky

7. Depends on the man, we’re not all ONE track mind.

8. None of the other stuff matters if you’re fat or unattractive

9. Okay, you’re grown-up that’s cool. Do you approach first?

10. Do you include a prostate massage with oral sex?

    If not, there is your answer

    Good luck 👍

11. Try being feminine and friendly. Above looks and everything this is what men are looking for.

12. What do your married friends say? What about your family members? Has grandma or anyone ever told you how to keep a spouse?

13. The type of men you are choosing won’t choose you for the same reason 90% of women won’t choose the 98% type of men who would actually choose you!!!

    So, just learn about what makes a relationship work, what’s the type of men that fits in it, and go out with those men.

    I guarantee you that you’d be in a long-term relationship in less than a month.

14. Three possible explanations:

    – you just have a bad luck.

    – you choose guys who don’t intend to be in a serious relationship.

    – there are problems with personality or behaviors.

    In the last case, you might be able to improve your chances. Let’s be honest here: are there any flaws with your personality? You have listed great things about yourself but everyone has some flaws which can tank their chances at relationship.

    For examples, here are some personalities that my male friends see as red flags: being argumentative, being negative, being misandrist, excessive social media usage and being too demanding.

15. Maybe try a little older? Not too much older. 5-8 years? 25 year old guys… a lot aren’t ready for commitment. Some are but a lot are still finding themselves, starting careers…

16. Hmm… Imo, men don’t wanna pass up a great girl for some other dude to have her. Something isn’t adding up here. The “intimidated” thing isn’t valid for guys with confidence.

    Guys don’t just meet an incredible woman who’s into them and let her slip away, even if they’re “intimidated” they usually step up their own life-game to try and be on her level. I’ve literally done a full 180 on my diet and exercise to impress a gorgeous girl and she wasn’t even that sweet or friendly lol.

    *Entirely* different life goals or views on life is def an exception (hyper religious, waiting for marriage etc)

    I would be curious to know what sort of guys you’re after / how accurate your self description is. Are you like a Disney adult or something?😭 Not trying to be a dick at all😭

17. What you need to understand is there are two different types of guys, the 20% that most women fight each other over, and the 80% that are basically invisible to most women. It’s called the [Pareto Distribution.](https://usustatesman.com/economics-of-dating-2-the-brutal-reality-of-dating-apps/) The same goes for women. 80% of men are chasing the same 20% of women.

    There’s a very high possibility that you’re going after the top 20% of guys while you’re in the bottom 80% of women. This would explain your situation. You’re gonna need to reevaluate your goals.

18. There’s a lot of bad advice on here (looking at you “date older men because they’re ready”) so I won’t share advice but my experience

    I felt in a similar boat in my early 20s. No one wanted to stay and it was so frustrating. It was really hard not to internalize it and think about what was wrong with me and what other people had that I didn’t

    Nothing was wrong with me. I didn’t change and some time later, I started seeing someone and we both quickly decided we were adamant about each other

    I think if I could tell younger me anything, it would be that a lot of people are having fun at that age and it doesn’t reflect on you when you’re not an immediate “yes”.

    With that said (and here I go with advice now), don’t stick with anyone who isn’t saying hell yes to you. Doesn’t need to be marriage right away but I think it can be quite clear when someone adamantly wants to be with you

19. the ones that are good looking (be it, good body, good face and hair care), fun and have decent jobs

20. They’re just not into you. That’s allowed 🤷🏻‍♀️
    If they choose someone else, thank the gods and on to the next, because clearly they are not as loyal as you.

21. wanting to be chosen could be exactly what is killing your chances. choose yourself. what do YOU want? are you truly prioritizing finding a good fit for you or are you trying to be a good fit for whomever it is you may be dating?

    stay authentic and be patient- compatibility is so complex you can not force it or expect it to be there with a MAJORITY of people you date. especially if you have a lot truly going for you and if you are a unique individual- dating can take time and it should take time.

    I want to say that being an attractive woman can make dating hard in the sense that you will have many that want you for your looks and ride that until they realize you are more than that. it is what it is but don’t expect being an attractive woman to actually change outcomes of longevity for dating.

    also I want to add- who is it you are dating. look closely at the people you want to be chosen by. are they emotionally available? are they in a place in life to commit? are you dating your attachment style? look deeper you answer really may lie there.

22. Dude I have these issues

23. Height & weight?

24. Try doing the exact opposite of what you would usually do. You may discover that every instinct you ever had was wrong. Next thing you know you will have a nice new place, dream job, and super hot guy.

25. Honestly you seem like an amazing person who is very intentional in her life. You are someone to build something with and many people might not be ready for that. A lot of people prefer comfort over anything else, and if being around you challenges people to step it up and be more, they might take the easier road and pick someone that doesn’t challenge them as much. Your excellence shows their mediocrity. Just keep shining and loving life. You will find someone who loves you all the more for it ❤️

26. You have listed many of the qualities I look for in a partner. It may come down to you just haven’t met the right person for you yet. Just keep being yourself. People deserve to be with the person who wants to be with them as they are. Good luck op, you’ll find them.

27. I want a nerdy woman who gets my dad jokes. I want someone who will be trustful and trusting. Someone who will tell me when something is wrong instead of playing some stupid one-sided game. I want a woman who isn’t afraid to be herself, screw the normies! Let the freak flag fly! 😜 I want a woman who wants to be with me. (IKR impossible standards 😏)

28. I understand the frustration of not being chosen by someone right now, but it really comes down to not meeting the right person yet.

    Relationships are complex. Sure, you might be doing everything right, but that doesn’t guarantee anything. You have to want the same things out of life, have mutual attraction, and overall feel a romantic connection.

    When you do meet right person, you’ll be glad you weren’t chosen by anyone else. I know that doesn’t help right now, but it’s true.

29. girl SAME.

    He was complaining about how this girl was using him for money, how she didn’t have a place to stay and made a shit wage and wouldn’t want to commit. Wasn’t close with her family. And then told me that he loved how I see my family at least once a week (and that they’re super fun and inclusive! and that i have like a million brothers for him to hang with!), that I had my own career going (6 figures babyyy), and that I was a home owner (we talked about moving into one of our places and renting out the other. Combing assets omfg seriousssss.) And that I don’t roster date because I’d rather efficiently date one person at a time, like him.

    IT TOOK ONE FUCKEN TEXT MESSAGE OMG WHAT IS THEIR SECRET?!

30. It seems you lack character, uniqueness, and personal flair.

    It seems you’re more busy trying to be what you think others want when you should be figuring out who you are based on how you define yourself. You tried being like them and it didn’t work. Why don’t you try being your creative self?

    Dress better and when you do, don’t use black, white, or yoga pants.

    I would even avoid jeans to tell you the truth.

    Be a refined classy woman of worth. How you dress is how people view you. I notice modern fashion just shows off a body but many women have a body so it’s nothing new compared to another.

    So you have to find other ways someone finds you captivating

31. Girl, same. Does it help to know you aren’t alone in this?

32. Honestly? I like thinking I am pure 10. I was a runway model, I’m very well educated, I run my own company, and I was raised in traditional family, so I do all house chores. And I am nice to people, usually treat them as I want to be treated. I’m a perfect girlfriend – I respected my boyfriend, comforted him, cared about him, always complimented him, I said how amazing he is, blah blah blah. Even sex was awesome, at least for him, because I didn’t refuse anything.
    And he cheated on me with his ex anyway, because I was “too perfect”, not “bitchy” enough. I didn’t beg him to meet him, I didn’t call him an asshole in front of his parents, I was too “good” and he was bored of me quickly. He likes more liberated women who go to bed on the first date and had more lovers they can count. He likes someone who drinks with guys until morning, looking for their attention and I was too mature and not enough desperate to do it. For him it’s cool, for me, embarrassing.

33. I’ve struggled with the same thing. My theory is that attractiveness attracts attractiveness and an attractive person has options. So if we’re dating in our “pool” everyone has a lot of options. It’s a matter of meeting one that yes is attractive but also checks xzy. And on top of all of that throw in all the other nuisances and views of dating of every individual. All of that really limits us all. As it should. It really does take just the two right people.

    I think my downfall was being shy on top of pretty introverted. It takes me a while to feel okay around a person to open up and be myself and some people are inpatient. Im also pretty comfortable in what most people would call an awkward silence on a date. There’s nothing wrong with them. Sometimes we both need to think about what else we want to ask or say. But a lot of times they’re seen as weird and a sign of “lacking the spark”. I also think most “attractive” people grew up attractive and therefore spent their formative years being that. I was an ugly duckling up 10th grade high school and then even still painfully shy until my 20s which was still mostly shy. I think I’m more seen as quiet and reserved now that I’m inching towards my 30s.

    I finally met my bf and I think he’s gorgeous, hot af, beautiful inside and out and all those things. But it took A LOT of dating and flings and being ghosted and things just not working out before I met him. We just align pretty well in this moment in time

34. Aww.. it sounds like you’d be an ideal partner overall! Maybe you’re going for the guys that have so many options that the slightest thing they dislike will have them move on? I’d hate to say it like that, but I can’t say for sure why they would lose you for somebody else. Maybe it’s the fact that you have your boundaries that they don’t like? Anyway, just be yourself, don’t settle, and I wish you the best of luck!

35. I don’t know you. sometimes its a craps shoot sometimes you get lucky other times… well it was fun while it lasted.

    there are so many factors that go into whether or not a relationship works more than people know. here turn the tables he can be the most wonderful guy in the world, he could be hot, he could be fun, he can be successful, he could be open and communicative but something in you is just like… god he feels like your brother. kind of throws out all those romantic feelings right out the window, doesn’t it.

    Sometimes there is something that just doesn’t click. that doesn’t even count things like self-doubt, self-worth issues, anxiety, and of course self-sabotage.

    if you are as amazing as you say then no worries, you will find someone.

36. Date less attractive guys or be ultra feminine for the more attractive ones

37. Have you ever considered it may be because you have your shit together, don’t need them and sound like you would be difficult to lie to or manipulate? Maybe in not getting “picked” you’re actually dodging men who are seeking out partners that are easier to dominate?

    I’m seeing this a lot, especially with my single friends who are well educated and make plenty of money if not more than the average man.

    Not that it makes things easier, but it could be that it’s really not you but them.

38. Well to be honest, you sound like someone men would choose, but besides values, interests, looks and overall personality, there is also emotional attachment and personally I have stopped seeing a lot of women, because I didn’t feel that connection, even though with some there was other attraction and on paper they seemed perfect, even though no one is.

    My guess, would be that it’s just bad luck or mentality you are in that attracts people like that. I’ve noticed over time, depending on my own state, I tend to attract different people. And frustration is understandable, been out there for a bit over 2 years, looking for something serious and haven’t found it… So taking a break from online dating, maybe changing something, as that hasn’t worked out, even though there are plenty of high quality people there.

39. Well I guess you are a control freak..?? Give the guys a break before asking the question.. and it also depends which state you live in, and how dating in general has evolved over time, most guys are programmed a certain way and everything you have said is basically sounding like they are having a relationship with a female version of them🤣 You sound like you are a 10 on a crazy hot matrix list for guys, which is a dude in a body of female

40. I find that, as a man, a woman wins me over by her intelligence and smart thinking.

    This means the woman who scores 9/10 in physical beauty but lacks intelligence will be defeated by a woman who scoreS 7/10 in physical beauty and has a very high IQ.

    In my experience, when the woman is uniquely intelligent and smart, I develop strong trust in her, just as I would in my very own mother.

    An intelligent and smart woman knows exactly what is required of her to please her partner in every aspect of his life, just like a mother knows exactly what her children need to feel safe and secured.

    You will see that many men get married to women that are not very attractive physically but are the ones who won their hearts over by other means, more logical ones.

    All you need to do is look around and you’ll see that women are the ones with attractive men rather than men with attractive women.

    Yet, it is said men are the ones obsessed over physical attractiveness more than women are, which is not likely to be the truth as women struggle to make love to men who they are not physically attracted to, whereas men don’t have much of a problem making love to any kind of women.

    Men will, without a doubt, want to have sex with an attractive women but that is likely to be all about it because men seek out more qualities from a woman than just her pretty body.

    In your case, it seems like you haven’t made a man feel secured enough as to why another woman keeps stealing him from you.

    Or… maybe you keep trying to date the ones who aren’t loyal, such as the ones everybody goes crazy over due to his physical appearance.

41. Men are insignificant. Don’t worry about them. They are only useful if you want a kid and even then you should go through a sperm bank. Do not allow any man to feel like you are broken.

42. It’s because you’re exactly all of those things queen. Men like a chase, they don’t want you to be nice or give them everything they need.

    I’ve tried being the rude “crazy chick” they love it. I’ve tried being the nice “easy going” girl they say it’s not going to work out as I’m “too nice.” They’re weirdos that don’t know what they want.

    It’s not you, it’s them.

43. My bff is a perfect catch yet every time she gets something going on with a guy she gets so intense. She wants so badly to be chosen that she doesn’t give the guy the time to get attached to her, to develop feelings for her naturally. She wants them to be devoted to her from the first months and every time she feels they are not as involved yet as she wants them to be, she cuts them off.

    I’m not saying you do this, but maybe you can take inspiration and give the guys time to develop their feelings. That’s my advice.

44. Dear OP please realise it’s not to do with you. I learned this the hard way after my ex cheated on me with the ugliest chick he could find and stayed with her, he was the one told me how toxic she was and he still went for her I blamed myself for not being perfect or not being like her maybe I could have done things differently and he would have stayed with me. Until I got into therapy and realised how much I had given to the relationship and him already and I never stopped to think that he never deserved ME. I was too good for him, now I’m not even bothered about the fact he cheated because it’s not my responsibility.
    My current bf told me he wants a family in 2-3 years but his not sure if he wants to have it with me, yikes that hurts and he still wants to take the benefits of the relationship. F*ck em.
    I want to be with someone who chooses me and stays with me. If they don’t I wish them best luck because I don’t want to be with them either. Don’t internalise that it’s got anything to do with you, you have as much the right to choose someone who is right for you and these guys were not right for you. Don’t lose yourself for anyone. When it comes to choosing someone choose yourself first then everyone else.
    A big hug 🤗 and lots of love.

45. We’re all hitting the wall eventually. Rip

46. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that you’re perfect. I understand this post is out of frustration. But are you telling us that you cannot think of one single thing that you can improve?

47. This sounds kind of absurd, but bear with me. Maybe you’re too good to be true, at least from the perspective of a former simp. But the more green flags your crush has, the more you question whether or not you are good enough for them. The more insecure they are about asking you on a date or going on a date without suspecting someone may beat them to it. So they self sabotage, resulting in them being single or settling for a partner that likes them but has more red flags than USSR (or at least not as good as they wanted to be with).