Something about it seems to be broken, but I can’t really put my finger on it.

It just seems so flawed nowadays.

25 comments

  1. What’s broken about “modern” dating is that too many people want something for nothing.

    They want to throw up a OLD profile with some old pics and a thoughtless bio and complain about not getting matches. They want a relationship when they don’t even have good enough social skills to keep friends. They don’t know how to communicate and rather than learning wanna get upset their partners aren’t mind readers. They’d rather play games than be vulnerable and make connections.

    They want all the of the benefits out of dating yet aren’t willing to work on themselves to be a “benefit” of anyone else.

  2. It’s the false sense of multiple options. Online dating brought thousands within reach, travel is easier than ever and people change large metro areas often.

    Everyone is trying to date up and looking for “something better” than what’s steady and available right in front of them. Enter flaking, ghosting, breadcrumbing, orbiting.

  3. People see how many options they have and treat everyone as disposable. Then the people who were treated as disposable decide to get ahead of it next time and do it to others. This continues and spreads until everyone is doing to each other and no one has a good time. That’s my theory anyway

  4. That many people doing it are too broken to be dating and need to work that out themselves

  5. The expectation of getting someone better than your present partner .

  6. I suspect a huge issue of dating is the internet in general. Most people in the millennial and gen z generation were pretty much raised on it. This probably caused more to people to be more introverted and not know how to socialize as well as previous generations.

  8. Physical stuff happen too soon and no one is actually doing the “dating” stage right.

    When I say dating, I mean we are going on dates and getting to know each other, no physical contact. We’re seeing if we click together and have anything in common.

    And after dating, comes exclusive title, aka being boyfriend and girlfriend.

    Because dating is not done right (a lot of people have sex too soon) a lot of people get attached too soon, without even knowing anything significant about a person. That is why there a lot of breakups and hearts broken.

  9. most people dont want to put effort and just want to feel the honeymoon phase 24/7. As soon as it ends they move onto the next one.

    Dating apps also have made it extremely easy to meet people, so it makes everyone feel like they will always have options and can always “find someone better”. Thats why the minute they see a flaw no matter how big they immediately end things.

    Before the internet/social media available partners was very limited. For that reason people were willing to actually put effort to make a relationship successful and resolve the problems together.

    An elderly lady I know actually told me years ago that “the reason commitment is so difficult nowadays is because back then when there was a problem they worked to fix it. Now when theres a problem they just throw it away and find a new one”

  11. People seem to forget that you’re actually supposed to be friends with the person you’re dating. Which means don’t accept things that you wouldn’t accept from a friend. Don’t ditch your actual friends for your date. Don’t think dating is an alternative to friendship. Understand that it takes more than two months to become best friends with someone – actually it takes about two years to be absolutely sure. Understand that the person you’re in a relationship with should ultimately be integrated in your social circle, as a friend would. Etc etc

  13. They think looking good on paper or social media is more important than building a happy and successful relationship.

  16. Well, let’s break this down by gender:

    Women: Constant attention and validation from 18-30 both IRL and through social media. As a result, women tend to overestimate their attractiveness and think they can get a top 10% guy to commit regardless of her own actual standing, leading to complaints about men not wanting to settle down, “all men are pigs”, and eventually, trying to settle for someone while resenting the idea that they had to settle at all.

    Compounding factors for women’s problems:
    – Biological clock for healthy children and starting a family
    – Unwillingness to date men who make less money severely limiting options for the educated ones
    – Relying on men for all initiative in dating; the most confident/sexy men are the only ones who really approach like that anymore, and their abundance of options leads to lack of desire for anything but casual

    Men (bottom 90%): Almost no attention/care given to them at any age, both IRL and through social media. Many men try for some time, with a few managing to get into LTRs or getting married early, but most start either consciously or subconsciously checking out from dating altogether as they see their crushes go for guys they know are players while they get rejected; it is not uncommon for a man to go many years without even a hint of interest from women, and there is little to no empathy for these men as they are viewed as losers, not lovers. Eventually, as the women their own age get less attention or want to settle down with someone that they can lock down in commitment, these overlooked men start getting more attention than they ever got before, and in a somewhat ironic twist, resent the new attention because they feel that they had to go without love for so long and build themselves alone, and these women that suddenly see them only want them for the kind of life they can offer and not out of pyre desire like they had for past lovers in their younger years. These men start dating younger women, or pumping and dumping women their own age, or some combination of other behaviors to make up for the experiences they never got to have.

    Compounding factors for men:
    – Overuse of “creep” label for men who approach women that find them unattractive rather than only for actual creepy behavior leads to paralysis of men who are actually good not wanting to approach and risk their jobs/reputation, while leaving the players the only ones playing at all
    – Lack of social interaction for many men leaves little opportunity to meet new women, and for many men in STEM professions where women are still scarce and workplace romances are either frowned upon or could get you outright blacklisted there is simply next to no time to organically meet new women
    – Fatigue from expectations, men are expected culturally to have had certain experiences (dates, flirting, sex) by certain ages, and for those increasingly many men who don’t meet those standards, they find themselves feeling isolated and outcast at best, and at worst utterly bitter and jaded by women as a whole

    Compounding factors for BOTH genders:
    – Obesity: when 2/3 of a country is obese, finding an attractive partner becomes exponentially harder. Like it or not, even fat people might not find another fat person attractive
    – Overreliance on technology: dating apps are a shit show, they make many of the issues discussed above worse. However, due to the after effects of MeToo and other anti-harassment campaigns, men do not approach IRL anywhere near as much as they might have otherwise for fear of being labeled something horrible when they’re just awkward from inexperience, and women do not approach culturally

    Sorry for the long post, I tried to flesh out the reasoning in as clear a way as I could

  17. Hyper-connection has basically ruined dating forever

    I’m probably the last generation that dated before social media and I honestly don’t know what I would do in this new climate

  20. The burden of choice.

    Too many people think there are just so many choices out there, that they don’t have to put any work into making a relationship successful. That it “should just happen” and so many bail at the first sign of trouble.

    Stop relying on (social) media to tell you how things should be. Love and relationships take work, they are choices and not something that happens out of magic like in movies.

  21. I think people are far more likely to make overly sexual graphic comments too early on in initial conversations where you don’t even know each other

  23. That casual hook ups are the default.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love a good hook up, and am probably more comfortable with that than regular dating. But it should not be presumed to be the default. People should clarify before hand if they are only after something casual, leaving people who do actually want to date free to assume the person that has asked them on a date does have interest in dating them.

    But instead, because people don’t want to have a potentially awkward conversation before banging someone, the onus is on the person who is seeking relationships to fish that information out and switch off all natural human emotions and hopes until they’ve confirmed they aren’t just looking for a fuck. I say this as someone who 90% of the time is just looking for a fuck. Its unhealthy for us as a society to alter the view of dating like this, and make people feel like they have to go along with something they don’t really want least they be seen as weird and clingy.

  25. love bombing someone into liking you and then ghosting them. just be transparent and honest with people don’t say sweet nothings you think they want to hear or lies that will get you what you want. people forget relationships of any kind, at any stage, involve two people. it’s not a solo act for one persons entertainment. people just have no empathy and this lack of empathy creates a domino effect that hurts people beyond that relationship. really screws with someone’s mind and ability to trust others. long story short, people are selfish. want to have their cake and eat it too

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