Rule about getting a plus one question?
I just got a little sad.
TLDR: I’m not going to be able to go with my partner to his friend’s wedding because we haven’t been dating for longer than a year.
So he will be in a wedding this December. The bride has one of his ex girlfriends in her bridal shower. Part of my is a little worried just cause im human. But I completely trust my partner will not do anything. Im only worried because he told me that out of all his past relationships, he thought he would marry her, but it didn’t work out.
My partner and I have been dating for 5 months. From all my past experiences with dating and from doing a lot of therapy and just recent hitting one year in sobriety, I feel like im at a different place in life where I 100 % know this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I type this as I smile…
So back to his best friend’s wedding. My partner didn’t receive a plus one. But recently he learned that the best man, who is my partners best friends, won’t be using his plus one because his gf won’t be able to make it to the wedding. So his friend offered my partner his plus one so I can go to the wedding.
My partner asking the groom if it would be okay if I take the plus one place and the groom said no.
I completely understand why and I kind of had a feeling I wasn’t going to be going no matter what.
The groom explained that the they had a rule about who gets a plus one and if someone had a partner, they would need to be together for one year by a cutoff date that passed a month ago. So if he allowed me to go, they at least tow or three other people might be upset because their partner couldn’t go.
And I understand but im still a little bummed. Part of me also is afraid his friends dont really like me from times I’ve gone to events with them. Idk. How common is this plus one rule? Also, if you read this, I appreciate it.
4 comments
>How common is this plus one rule?
Pretty common.
Weddings are stupidly expensive. I personally don’t want any strangers at mine (no offence to you).
The bride and groom don’t know you yet. And I would be dammed if I invited someone to my wedding and they created drama.
Your BF made an attempt to get you in, so its not like he doesn’t want you there. Unfortunately, I side with the bride and groom on this one. They have the final say who attends.
And like you said, if they take you, now they’re dealing with potentially upsetting more people and feel obligated to rope in more people they don’t really know. Which will further boost the cost of wedding.
I can appreciate that you’re disappointed but you barely know your partner let alone his friends getting married.
I don’t know if you’ve ever planned a wedding or paid for one but it’s a shit show. Someone is always going to be hurt or pissed and at some point you just have to draw a line.
They drew theirs. And making an exception for you will make even more people pissed off.
Seriously, having a wedding is more about mitigating hurt feelings at some point than being an enjoyable experience.
Your partner’s friend was out of line to offer you his plus one. While I’m sure you thought it was nice, it’s not his place to invite YOU to the wedding.
Anyway. Like I said, you get to have your feelings. Nothing wrong with that. But cut the bride and groom some slack.
This is a lot like child free weddings where someone is always wanting to bring their kid because they’re somehow special. If you let one kid come, everyone else who follows the rules will be pissed.
Need to be with someone for a year to get a plus one invite? Sounds like a real bang up crowd of people I’d want to be around. Maybe it’s a good thing you don’t get to go.
>How common is this plus one rule?
I haven’t heard of this being a thing, but weddings are expensive, so perhaps this is one of the ways they felt able to bring the cost down.
Saying that though, I can completely understand why you feel the way you do, especially if you’ve met your partners friendship group and spent time with them already.
There isn’t anything you’re able to do about in unfortunately but it’s ok to feel disappointed.