My girlfriend (32F) has one friend (30ishF) that I (30F) think I’m jealous of. What’s the best way to tell her this?

**TL;DR: My girlfiend has one friend that I think I’m jealous of.**

My GF (32F) and I (30F) have been dating for almost 3 years. What she didn’t know was that there’s this one friend – let’s call her Mandy – (F, not sure of her age) she has that I was never comfortable being with/around her. I really have no clear or concrete proof of anything. But I just wasn’t comfortable about Mandy being in her circle.

When we were still dating, I kept hearing her talk about this girl and how they always planned to celebrate their birthdays together and how the pandemic ruined their supposed trip. I brushed it off.
We were already a couple when she was in a bad place. I felt bad that I wasn’t the first person she called to ask for help or even to inform me what was going on. The first person she called was… you guessed it right! Mandy. It bothered me, but it wasn’t the best time to bring that up. She was in a bad place, and I was just glad she was safe.

During the pandemic, we rarely saw each other so we had this rule that when we’re together, we should be in the present. So it annoyed me to some degree that she was on her phone. I don’t snoop and didn’t mean to, but when it got on my nerves, I caught a glimpse of who she was messaging, and it was Mandy.

One time, I posted a hot take on Twitter, which was a valid point, but Mandy replied to it in a condescending manner, even using quotation marks, as if to mock my point. I told my GF about it, and she agreed it was condescending but never called her out for it or even defended me. It brought me back to when my ex would either defend me (when I’m right), or call me out (when I’m wrong).

There was a time that I slept over in her apartment and had to work late. She slept ahead. She connects her phone to her Apple Watch, and I can see the notification. It was 11 PM when I went to the bathroom to pee and heard something vibrate. It was her watch. I didn’t mean to pry because the notification just flashed on the watch’s face, and it was Mandy. I didn’t read anything, but what bothered me was why was this person still messaging anyone at this hour?! Does she even know the concept of boundaries? (We’re still in our first year at this point.)

All those little annoyances had led me to do pettier stuff.

I would plan a birthday surprise so that she can’t celebrate it with Mandy, and I don’t invite Mandy when I tag some of my GF’s friends along. When I can sense that they have plans to meet, I invite her to go on a date with me so she would ditch those plans and be with me instead. There are times that I had no choice or found no way to botch their plans, so I don’t talk to her whenever she’s out with her and just reply whenever she’s home. She never noticed this, anyway.

This is even pettier, but this is also when I broke down.

We’re not into posting about our relationship on social media, but on special occasions (birthdays and anniversaries), we do pen a sweet post for each other. One time, she didn’t write one for me. I brushed it off and just thought maybe she was too busy. Days passed, and I gave up hope. But when she was out for a long trip with some friends, she posted about this, and guess who was there? Mandy.

I didn’t even know Mandy would be there in the first place! This shocked me because when she told me about this trip, she only mentioned two friends’ names. To my surprise, and I saw the photos of her posts, Mandy was there.

I broke down. She lied about who was with her, skipped a birthday message for me, and then posted that. It may be petty, but after everything, I just lost it. I cried for nights but never told her about it.
I brushed off everything before, especially that Mandy had a boyfriend, but at some point, I thought, “committed people can cheat with their partners,” so that’s not too valid of a reason anymore. This heightened when I found out that Mandy and her BF broke up early this year.

**Why didn’t I bring this up with her?**

Mandy was her friend first. She knows her family more than I do. My GF took a long time to introduce me to her parents, and I was never chummy with them until I got to meet them in person. If I bring this up and this would cause us problems, she might tell her sister or family about this, and I would look petty. Maybe because it is petty. But it’s been bottling up inside me that even hearing her name makes me want to explode. But I don’t. I keep it all in and cry.

**Should I tell her? What’s the best way to approach this?**